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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22857535">Holy Ground</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucySarah1875/pseuds/LucySarah1875'>LucySarah1875</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Multi, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:41:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>48,367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22857535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucySarah1875/pseuds/LucySarah1875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Your relationship with your boyfriend is hanging on by a very thin thread, and everything is a good excuse to not go back to your cold bed - and that’s how you find yourself in a situation that you will soon regret. <br/>This story takes place before Eren discovered he was a Titan shifter, before Wall Maria was retaken, even before it was broken. The veterans usually make fun of the cadets for being bratty teenagers, but were they any better?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Erwin Smith/Reader, Levi &amp; Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) &amp; Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi Ackerman &amp; Reader, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith/Reader, Levi/Reader, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Back when you fit in my poems like a perfect rhyme</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> (Y / N) = Your name </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (L / N) = Last name </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (E / C) = Eye colour </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (H / C) = Hair colour </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just for the story's narrative, you are going to be just a little bit shorter than Levi. I set Levi's age to be 30 and your age 23 when Eren joined the scouts (considering that that happened during the year of 850 and Attack on Titan: no regrets is set during 844) So Levi will be 24 when the real story begans and you will be 17 years old.</em>
</p><p>Disclaimer<em> : </em></p><p>
  <em> I don’t own the characters here presented, they belong to Hajime Isayama. The only thing that belongs to me is the idea of the story. </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Just after Historia’s coronation but before the expedition to wall Maria, It was when this story took place. Everything was arriving to an end after a long and exhausting duty day in the legion. Even the night had already fallen and dinner at the mess hall was over. Our colorful group of cadets were planning to sneak out after curfew to try to enjoy their young life. Well that was the plan if certain short black hair captain didn’t catch them. </p><p>The plan was simple, they all would wait in their respective shared rooms and beds until the last superior left the public areas. It wouldn’t be that hard to do if Sasha and Connie could try to not throw jokes in the way or if Eren and Jean could leave their little bratty arguments for later. They were just a few meters away from the front door. The gates were right in front of them so close that they could already feel the cold air of a late Autumn flow through their faces. However, their intentions and dreams were falling and hitting the floor as water that slip through your finger when a noisily clear of throat sounded in the room. A part of them bit their bottom lip while closing their eyes, others, like Eren and Jean, clenched their teeth like already feeling the hit coming. On the other hand, Mikasa with her unusual calm personality turn to confirm her suspicions. Right there was (Y / N) leaning on the door frame with a cup of tea in her hands. Her facial expression with an arched eyebrow was a silent question that the cadets knew they better answer soon.</p><p>-It’s not what it looks like! – Jean was the first one to try to come up with a convincing answer but flatly erred.</p><p>-Really? How does this look like? – The superior took a sip to her hot just made tea after throwing another question, this time with actual words.</p><p>Armin was the next one to try to give an acceptable excuse but before he could even finish the (H / C) woman was already shaking her head with closed eyes.</p><p>-Oh sweet summer child, you can’t hold a candle to me – (Y / N) said with a tired voice and then she sighed loudly.</p><p>The group of teenagers looked into each other trying to guess how many hours of punishment they will have after this. It wasn’t much to ask actually! The fair was on town and trying to have some fun during one of the only nights were the town was alive during the late hours wasn’t a crime. The truth to be told was that they didn’t know what the superior could actually do with them. They were used to the Captain’s cold treatment but (Y / N)’s ? Not really, she had recently returned to work.</p><p>-Well? Are you planning on stand still all night long or what? Come on, follow me – The young woman ordered around while she made her way to the opposite direction of the main door.</p><p>Without doubt the famous group walked right behind her. They didn’t even dare to make a single sound while they walk to an unknown direction. The clock of the common areas struck midnight while the group walked through the halls of the scouting legion’s building. During their expedition (not precisely outside of the walls) was when the young men of the group realize the revealing outfit their superior. A too long grey shirt to belong to her and a pair of shorts that left little to the imagination. She wasn’t even wearing shoes, walking down the halls bare feet without any kind of light. It was like she knew the corridors like they were the back of her hand. Armin, the clever one of the team was the first to notice that he had seen that light grey shirt before and his blue eyes shined with his brand-new discovery. It was (Y / N) who broke the silent.</p><p>- Allow myself to give you a few tips for the next time – She said walking and turning around to take a look at the team – Never try to sneak out of the main door, why? All the superiors’ offices are on top and none of them go to sleep so early, conclusion: you are going to be heard. Second, never wait until everybody is supposed to be asleep, you may think that the darkness of the night will protect you but it only makes it worse. Next time try to do it right after dinner, everybody is walking around so it won’t be weird that you are too but not all of you together, that is suspicious. Plus, the superiors usually stay a little bit longer talking about life or whatever.</p><p>The 104th promotion were in shock, since when does the superiors give advices of how to break the rules? However, all of them were taking mental notes of all this information. Every single wise word that left the (H / N) haired woman’s lips was pure and solid gold.</p><p>-Last but certainly not least- She said as they turned the corner and entered into an old deposit of forgotten equipment – Use an unknown hidden door.</p><p>(Y / N) went straight forward to the stoned wall at the end of the room. She moved a bit the old boxes that were covered in dust. She said to herself but loud enough for the rest to hear “the fifth brick from the left” and the pushed with all her strength. Suddenly a secret door was opened and the cold late night’s sky appeared right in front of their eyes. The teenagers were completely overwhelmed to see such an awesome secret hidden behind that old mossy wall.</p><p>-When you want to come back, there is a little leather piece on the bottom of the other side. Just pull a bit and you are in, it’s as heavy as it looks – (Y / N) clarified so the team could make it back without being seen- If I were you, I would not do it tonight. Tomorrow you have a new intense practice with Levi and you will regret this. But nothing like the present, isn’t it? Come on go! I have better things to do than be freezing to death here.</p><p>After the last sentence all of them went like a bat out of hell. All of them except Armin, who looked at his superior with curiosity. (Y / N) could easily tell that the blond short kid was her favorite, his wisdom and curiosity reminded her of herself when she was still a little girl.</p><p>-Why? – He simply asked</p><p>-Because I was once young too – She replied crossing her arms on the top of her chest-And just because I am having an awful and boring night doesn’t mean you have to do it too. Go on! Have fun and get drunk, enjoy it while you can.</p><p>The group was expecting a lot of resolutions of this outburst of rebellion but this was certainly not one of them. Of course, they didn’t lose their time and went out. While the young were having the night of their life, (Y / N) made her way back to her room with her already cold tea. If someone could take a look at her face, that person could said that she was not the happiest woman walking around that night. She was lost in her memories to remember when was the last time she actually used that secret door. While she tried to recall that moment, another one burst into her mind like a firework: the very first time they found that secret door. A nostalgic smile appeared in her face like a mother who sees her child playing in the back garden.</p><p>The voice of experience never seems to fail when it comes around predict the future. Better than any oracle ever created.</p><p>-For fuck sake! What is freaking wrong with all of you today?! – The unmistakable voice of Captain Levi sounded in the training area as his team seem to be devastated that morning – What a shitty performance are all of you giving today!</p><p>(Y / N), who was supervising the training, was hiding her laughing face behind the notebook where she take her notes. The short man turned around to see what was so funny and the (H / N) woman tried to recovered her composure in front of him but failed miserably. The only sound that came from the cadets were yawns and tired intents of replying “yes sir” with enthusiasm.</p><p>-Let them go, Levi. They can’t even keep their eyes open – She tried to convince the black-haired man. </p><p>Not happy at all, Levi made his characteristic “tsk” and rolled his eyes. He knew she was right, training in this state was pointless but he wanted to kick all the brats’ ass so much for making him lose his time.</p><p>-Alright, you shitty brats, leave the freaking area before I kick all you so hard that will keep you awake for an entire week – He pronounced with an irritated tone.</p><p>He could not even finish the sentence that his team were already making their way back to their rooms. But they were not the only ones that were trying to run away from humanity’s stronger soldier, (Y / N) picked up her stuff and tried to sneak out before he could notice.</p><p>-Last freaking time you let them sneak out during training days, did I make myself clear? – Levi turned around and said to the young woman that was sat down next to him just a few minutes ago.</p><p>-Oh come on Levi! Let it go this time – (Y / N) replied while chuckling- We were young once too.</p><p>She tried to smooth the situation with a sweet smile, she was glad that they were talking like usual. However, the look that he gave her made her lower her gaze with sadness in her (E / C) eyes. (Y / N) wondered when will everything go back to normal, she missed him and his warm small smile that he only had for her.</p><p>-Not going to happen again, sir – She didn’t even try to cover her sorrow while she walked away.</p><p>~Your POV~</p><p>The day went without problems and pacified, as peaceably as a day at the scouts can be. We had a little meeting with the rest of the superiors or what is left of them. Levi seems to insist with the cold, silent treatment. Last night I tried to turn things around a bit, maybe the last almost 6 months long nights made him warm up a bit for me. I even went ahead and try to offer him a massage wearing only his shirt, I know how much he likes it. But even the freezing marble floor under my bare feet was warmer than him.</p><p>I wonder if this is for him as hard as it’s for me. After his cold treatment, the words slipped through my lips. I couldn’t contain myself, I needed to ask him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> “-Are we breaking up? Tell me so I can stop looking like an idiot in front of you. Come on! get the guts to say it – I said feeling the tears forming in the corner of my eyes. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> -Don’t scream, you are going to wake up the entire legion -He replied not even looking up from his paperwork – Breaking up or no, is not my decision. I am not the one hiding information here.” </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>As he finished his cold-heart sentence, I put the first pair of short that I could find and run out of the room. I needed a tea to calm my mind, this was too much for my sick body. On my time in the kitchen was when I heard them, Levi’s squad trying to sneak out. I was just going to walk away but I knew that Levi would find them. But he would not dare to step in if I were with them, not after our little argument our shared room. So, I did it, I helped them out.</p><p>Now here I am, I just took a shower on the common areas because Hange’s bathroom is dirtier than any titan’s mouth. Walking down the corridors wondering if I will have to sleep on Hange’s settee one more time. My lower abdomen hurt like hell; a good black tea made by my gorgeous boyfriend would be a dream but dreaming of freedom for humanity seems more like it than this. In my way I see a good number of cadets in the watch post outside of the building. I could recognize that group of faces between all the rest of the scouts. It’s Levi’s team, I bet they are forced to stay all night long doing the night watch as punishment. Typical</p><p>-Well well, look at that. Not only I managed to give you a free pass, a free morning but a good friends’ night at the watch post too – I say making my presence noticeable between the group. That made Jean spit the liquid he was drinking and all of them turn around with pale faces -Calm down guys, I’m not here to punish any of you. </p><p>They all let out a loudly sigh after seeing me.</p><p>-For a moment, we thought that you were a real superior – Connie says chuckling and make me open my (E / C) eyes with surprise.</p><p>-Excuse me brat?! What do you mean with “real superior”? – I wonder with an annoyed tone in my voice.</p><p>-We didn’t mean to offend you! It’s just, it’s just . . .- Armin tries his best to save the situation after his comrade fucked up.</p><p>I can’t contain the laugh while I sit down between Eren and Jean with difficulty. I grab my lower abdomen, right where my bandages are. I wonder when they will stop hurting.</p><p>-It’s alright, I was messing up with all of you – I say and look how all of them look into each other trying to figure out why I am here. I wish I knew on my own what the hell I’m doing here. But honestly, everything is better than going back to my room and pretend that everything is ok when it’s not -Do you mind if I share the night with you? As payment you can ask me anything that you want.</p><p>I like how their faces changed when they heard the last part, specially Armin. That little blondie’s blue eyes shine full of curiosity. But Jean doesn’t stand too far behind, his face is screaming “I’m going to confirm all the juicy rumors”. However, it’s neither of them who ask the first question to my surprise.</p><p>-Do you know how to do Captain Levi’s spin?! Would you teach me? - Eren shouts the first question with enthusiasm.</p><p>-I’m afraid I don’t, sorry sugar cube – I reply not realizing how many protocols I broke with a single reply.</p><p>I’m not used to treat with the cadets, my work has never been working with them. I can tell that they are surprised with my sweet manners, specially Eren who is burning red after my nickname.</p><p>-Are you Captain Levi’s girlfriend? – Armin’s question is like a stake through my injured heart. Everybody gasp with the question, I guess all of them were wondering. </p><p>“Right where it hurts Armin, right where it hurts” I think while I try to come up with a realistic reply. Technically, I’m still Levi’s girlfriend. “His freaking four years old girlfriend”</p><p>-I am, but I’m taking the guess that you already knew that, didn’t you? – I reply with eloquence, trying to sound confident.</p><p>Right after that reply, the entire group start to shout question after question. It’s like being Levi’s girlfriend open a door that they were praying to go through. I guess that they know so little about the superiors and are so curious at the same time that this is like a dream come true for them. I can’t contain a little laugh about the situation I got myself in. I’m like that bold friend who had got laid first of an entire girl group and everybody wants to know everything they can about the brand-new topic.</p><p>-Woah, calm down guys! One question per time – I say as I am asking for a break time with my hands.</p><p>-Is it true he was from the Underground and he was rebel? -Eren ask first again, fast kid with the surprising right information.</p><p>-Where did you get all that? – I inquire before answering, I can’t contain the laugh – It’s true, he was all rebel when he arrived from the Underground. He even liked to use a leather black jacked during his free days. I must admit, it suited him.</p><p>They take a short minute to analyze the new data with open mouths before starting again with the outpouring of questions. I try to reply all of them the best I can before Jean makes the one million question you should never ask to a person whose personal relationship is falling apart.</p><p>-How did you two start dating? He doesn’t seem like the dating type – Jean wants to know the hardest information that ever existed.</p><p>-Well it’s a long story and it takes place a long time ago, even before Wall Maria falls – I reply the most casual that I can -And, believe me, none of you want to hear that.</p><p>“I do!” is the only thing I can hear in the middle of that cold Autumn night. I know I shouldn’t because it’s not just my story, it’s Levi’s too and I know how reserved he is about his private life. But I’m heart-broken and nostalgic, surrounded by a group of teenagers, nothing good could actually happen tonight already so. . .</p><p>-Ok, get comfortable because this is going to be a long shitty tale. Join me down this memory rail, back when Erwin wasn’t a commander yet, when Mike and Nanaba couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, when Hange was. . . well Hange. And Levi? Well Levi was a twenty-four young man who didn’t care about the rules. Are you ready?  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! How are you? I'm going to be honest with you haha the other day I was reading an old fanfic that I used to write when I was, I don't know, 14? And the nostalgia hit me hard. So, I decided to try to make an idea that had been in my mind for a while a real fanfic. And I hope you enjoy it!<br/>I want to point out two little details before we keep going:<br/>-I am a big fan of Taylor Swift and her songs were a major inspiration point for this idea. So all the chapters are going to be a little part of a song that I feel fits the chapter. Just to make it a little bit more interesting.<br/>-English is not my native language. I'm really sorry if all this seems to be written by a 10 years old girl, I am really trying my best &gt;.&lt;<br/>Well, everything has been said! So, if you liked this first chapter so far, please leave a like so I can see it and if you want to leave a comment to, it would be marvelous. Anyways, if you make it this far, thanks you very much for reading and I hope you have a beautiful day!<br/>XOXO</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. We were both young when I first saw you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There are good first impressions and this one.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>(Y / N) = Your name </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (L / N) = Last name </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (E / C) = Eye colour </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (H / C) = Hair colour </em>
</p><p>Disclaimer<em> : </em></p><p>
  <em> I don’t own the characters here presented, they belong to Hajime Isayama. The only thing that belongs to me is the idea of the story.</em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>I’m not going to start this tale as everybody does, I’m not going to be like those who say “I will never forget the first time I saw you”. Mainly because I can’t recall the first time I saw him. But I do remember the first time I <b>notice</b> him and there is a difference between that two actions. Anyways I didn’t notice him first, it was someone else who did it and made me want to try to find him in a crowded room. I was there, sat down on the mess hall right after breakfast with Nanaba. If my memory serves me correctly, we were talking if you could or should make out with a guy during the first date. Nanaba back then (when my lovely best friend hasn’t died yet) was on a not so secret relationship with Mike. I was pointing out that you have to left a man waiting for more so they would crawl back to you. In any case, there is no point getting there, what happened next was what we should be paying attention. The tall blond girl and I were only seventeen, what a age to be alive! We were not cadets but we weren’t superiors either, it’s like a mix in between that sometimes I wish I could go back to. However, there was a cadet, a young fifteen years old girl who joined the scouts a few months after than Levi, as the rest of all the new cadets. If someone would have created a fan club of Levi, Petra would have been founder member. I think that not even me, who is his girlfriend, has worship him so much as Petra used to do. The reddish brunette sat down next to us and sighed loudly, looking up to the ceiling with a daydream face.</p><p>-Isn’t he perfect?- Petra said with a voice that only a fifteen years old girl in love could made.</p><p>-Perfectly short if you ask me- Nanaba commented and we chuckled together - No offence but Levi is far away from being perfect for me. On the other hand, Mike is perfection in a human body!</p><p>-With that dirty attempt of a beard? I don’t think so- I replied to the tallest woman of the group - Girls, let’s be honest neither of them is even close to be a perfect man.</p><p>-Oh you two are so mean! (Y / N), did you saw him? isn’t him amazing? - Petra questioned looking into my eyes trying to find answer to a question she had done previously the night before on our shared room.</p><p>The night before of that morning, Petra was worshiping Levi so much and Nanaba was trying so hard to “put her feets back on earth” that they had asked me what I thought about him. Nanaba knew him because Levi was usually with Erwin, who was usually with Mike and Mike was usually with her. But me? the day Levi and his friends were introduced I had a flu so I couldn’t be present on his “amazing speech”. I had told them that I have never actually pay attention to him, for me he was like a background person during my life in the campus of the scouts. Then, I’d promised them that the next morning I would try to pay him attention during breakfast. So I did and now I can tell that the way that you look at a person when you are in love is absolutely different that the way you do when you’re not in love. I do remember, as I said previously, that morning, the first time I noticed him. His amazingly straight ebony hair flowing in the air. Back them he used to wear it more on a side than he does now, Levi never actually had a completely middle part hair look but when he was younger he used to have it way more on a side . . .  and he used to have more hair, but don’t tell him that. He was short, too short for a man but I guessed that Petra was shorter so it wasn’t much of a problem (she was even a little bit taller than me). What called more my attention was his porcelain pale skin, like the sun had never landed on him (well I mean, I bet there wasn’t much sun to sunbathe in the underground) I wished I had his skin. His face, not the most manly one but it wasn’t girly either, like a dedicated middle. I guessed that some girls are into that. His eyes were sharp and light but I couldn't tell the specific color from a distance I was on the mess hall while he made his way through. Were they blue or grey? Anyways he was buffed, you could tell from the width of his shoulders (he used to be skinnier than he is now, probably because he didn’t eat that well in the underground compared to nowadays). I would have keep reading him if he hadn’t turned around with dead eyes in my direction. Going back to my conversation with my comrades:</p><p>-I did, indeed - I replied to Petra and her eyes shined with expectation - I will summary my thoughts; not my cup of tea but if he is yours then go and talk to him. You’ve nothing to lose by asking.</p><p>-Oh, I could never do such a thing! He doesn’t like to be bothered- The younger girl of the group said with blushed cheeks.</p><p>-In my opinion, he doesn’t like anything. He always have this face that says “I’m too good for all of you” - Nanaba said trying to imitated Levi’s face and that made me laugh.</p><p>I wonder how things would have turn out if Petra would have go and talked to him. He was not my “type” if you could say so, and probably would have never been if things wouldn’t have go in the way they did. Life is a whimsical bratty thing and I was about to learn that.</p><p>Maybe you didn’t have to go through this because your arrive to the scouts have been a little bit out of the ordinary, but the training process of the cadets is kinda difference. After belonging to the legion for almost two years (like me and Nanaba back then) and just after the new recruits arrived, is when the one year training to become a superior begans. It’s a duo practise both physical and theoretical. It teaches you how to work with a partner and solve the situations you are put into. Being a superior means a lot of team work, that is why. Two exams, a midterm one to show you how are both of you doing just before the winter break and a final one. I think it would not surprised you if I say that Nanaba and I were going to be a team.</p><p>Later that day, after the regular instructions, we were sat down in the training areas waiting for a superior to call us. I already had our forms more than ready to be given to my squad leader. Back then, Erwin was my squad leader, he wasn’t the commander yet but his rise was imminent. Nanaba and me were waiting like the rest of the cadets.</p><p>-Hey beauty, your boyfriend is looking for you - Gelgar said while making his way to us and pointing the inside of the building behind him with his thumb.</p><p>-He is not my boyfriend - I replied with a tired tone and shaking my head and my long (H / C) hair moved too.</p><p>My blond friend chuckled with my answer and Gegar rolled his eyes. I standed up and walked away to the office of certain blondie that we all know. It used to piss me off alot that people couldn’t stop spreading that silly rumor. <em>“I am not Erwin’s girl! . . . yet, at least”</em> I thought back then, little did I know that I would never be. I walked through the corridors with the papers under my arm and head held high, proud to be know as one of the prettiest girls in the legion. I made a stop by the bathroom to check up my appearance. I wanted to make sure my (E / C) eyes weren’t puffy and I pinched my lips and cheeks a bit, make them look a little bit more reddish. Erwin was on a really promising moment of his career. He was handsome, young and smart, everything I could ask on a man. Perhaps I was young but I wasn’t that innocent, I knew how men look at you when they desire you. At the same time, the future commander always seemed to find something on my hair to touch it and ran his hand through it. Also, his delicate way of saying that my teas were the better around and that is why he always asked me to do them for him. I was young, yes, but I wasn’t silly.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> -Wait! You and the commander were something?! - The entire Levi’s squad scream making me stop my narration. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -This is the juiciest rumor that I have ever heard!- Sasha yells so loud that I bet the entire legion has heard she. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Well, as I said, we never become anything at the end. Plus, our flirting died a long time ago and now we are really good friends - I reply with honestly, because it’s true. Between Erwin and I there is nothing more than respect and friendship nowadays. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But my answer doesn’t seems to convince them and one more time, Eren is the first one to throw the first question. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Does the Captain know about this?- He asks with suspicious in his voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Of course he does! And believe me, he couldn’t care less - I answer entertained but I wonder, is that absolutely true? I mean if I go and tell Levi “Hey, I’m going to stay on Erwin’s room because is bigger and tidier than Hange’s”, will he say “yeah sure, not problem! have fun!”? Who am I kidding? Levi would kill Erwin and me in the process. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Anyways! this doesn’t have a place in this tale, so let’s go back to the story - I clarify before they ask another tricky question. </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>I knocked the door with my free hand while the other one held the forms. That menly and clear voice that I knew so much replied with a simple “name and business!”</p><p>-Cadet (L / N) (Y / N)! I was called to come here to deliver my form - I said clearly.</p><p>I waited for the answer and once I got ti, I went in. There he was, the young ambitious man that everybody in the military was talking about. Erwin finished to sign some paperwork and looked up to meet my gaze with his big deep blue eyes. He smiled a bit to me and of course I smiled him back.</p><p>-I was waiting for you, (Y / N) - The blond man said, <em>“Of course you were”</em> I thought - There are some details that we have to discuss, please take sit.</p><p>So I did. I walked to the deep green leather tufted office chair, right in front of his desk. I sat down and placed the papers on my lap.</p><p>-Would you like some tea?- He asked politely as he got up to serve it, like he already knew I would never regret a good cup of tea.</p><p>- Yes, please- I replied to him while following him with deep (E / N) eyes and slightly smiling. I attempted to get up from my seat and serve the tea myself but Erwin stopped me with a hand-gesture.</p><p>Superiors always have way more benefits than recruits does, and Erwin was not the exception. The single cup of black tea at that office was all that I needed, strong and tasty flavour than only a good quality tea can offer you. I have always been a smart girl, too much smart for some people taste but I think it was one of the main reasons Erwin hand picked me back them.I noticed after few times, that the tea he used to drink when he was alone wasn’t as good as the one he poured when it was for me. There was a slightly uncomfortable silent while we both did the first sip. Right after that, I picked up my forms and placed them in his desk.</p><p>-I have already filled my forms, sir- I said turking my (H / C) hair behind my ear.</p><p>But what he did next was nothing I saw coming. Erwin took the papers and place them somewhere under his desk.</p><p>-That’s what I wanted to talk with you- He said intertwining his fingers- You see, (Y / N), I have been re-reading your academic reports from your training years and they point out your outstanding performance on teamwork and your capacity of finding a natural way of making everybody cooperate during the practice.</p><p>-Thank you?- I replied the only thing that came to my mind, I didn’t know where was he trying to go with all this. I took another sip to my tea.</p><p>-Have you ever talked to Levi? he is quite new here- He said and added- He may not be the most talkative guy around here but his performance with the 3DMG is outstanding.</p><p><em>“Mr. Grumpy? of course I know who he is”</em> I thought, that and the fact that he used twice the word “outstanding” to referred to both of us. I didn’t like where this was going. Suddenly, the tea, the office and the day didn’t seem that nice anymore.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> -Wait! Mr. Grumpy? for real?!- Connie points out while the rest of them are trying to control the laugh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Yes, that was his nickname between my close friends for a long time. Actually, sometimes when I want to piss him off, I bring it back for a couple of hours- I reply with a tender smile on my face. “Yeah, we used to have silly nicknames for each other. . . when we used to talk” I think to myself. </em>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>-I have never talked to him, but I don’t doubt about his capabilities since you have personal pick him - I tried to stay and give neutral answer. I was so nervous that I couldn’t take another sip of my tea, what a waste.</p><p>-I have been thinking that someone with your good reputation and patience could be a good partner for Levi. He may not have go for the regular training but the commander and I think that would be good for him to do this training like the rest of the cadets- Erwin’s eyes seemed to be penetrating my soul while he explained this to me. Did I already said that I didn’t like where is this going?</p><p>-Mh, excuse me, sir. But I already have a partner. Nanaba and I really get along and I think our performance would be splendid - I said  trying to escape from his gaze. <em>“how can I refuse him without disrespecting him?”</em> My mind was trying to think about possible replies so fast that I was already getting a headache.</p><p>-Don’t worry about her, Mike’s already found her a new recruit. I think pairing up my two best cadets for working together could be a step forward for my plan for the scouts, don’t you think so?- He said and I was wishing that I have never woken up that day.</p><p><em>“Save your dirty little compliments for later. Your best cadets? Fuck you Erwin Smith! If this is what being your best cadet means then I think I’m failing my next exams”</em> I wanted to tell him to go and get fucked so bad but it was not my position, sadly.</p><p>-With all the respect, sir; I don’t think Levi would like to work with me. If you ask my opinion, I think a male partner would be better for him - I was running out of ideas. This was what Petra’s dreams probably were like, not mines!</p><p>Despite all my attempts to change his mind, the blond man put out a form already half full and placed in front of me. Next he put a black ink pen close to me, I wanted to cry so badly.</p><p>-He said that he would be looking forward to work with you - Erwin declared with his perfect smile, he knew that he won the argument and that arrogant smile just made me want to punch him.</p><p>I think all of you know what happened next, I did sign the form. Right after that, I got up without finishing my tea and looked into his blue eyes with my (E / C) ones.</p><p>-Am I dismissed, sir?- I asked failing miserably to try to hide the fact that my blood was boiling of pure anger. <em>“How he dare do this to me? He basically set me up!”</em></p><p>-Don’t you want to finish your tea first? - My squad leader asked like he didn’t know the answer to that.</p><p>-I’m not feeling that well, sir. I would like to rest a bit on my bed before dinner- I said thinking that he was doing this on purpose.</p><p>He nodded to let me know that I could leave. I remember that I walked out of that room so mad that people in the corridors looked at me like they almost couldn’t recognise me.</p><p> </p><p>-That is not fair! I can’t even believe that Mike didn’t say a single thing about this. Because I’m sure they had planned this for a long while already- Nanaba expressed her frustration to me and Petra.</p><p>-Without doubt they had this planned! How dare them!- I yelled in our shared room while I lie on my back in that tiny bed that they gave us.</p><p>-Maybe he isn’t that bad?- Petra said with her usual optimistic personality. But the both of us, Nanaba and I, looked at her like “now it’s not a good time”</p><p>The three of us sighed loudly, tired of this crazy day. Like if training wasn’t enough! I had to think on a way of making things work out with Mr. Grumpy. It couldn’t be that bad, right? I just needed to go and try to get to know him a tiny bit better during the dinner. I was trying to see the glass half full but when I saw him sat down all by himself in the middle of the mess hall during dinner time, I knew that this was not going to work out.</p><p>-Good luck girl, you will need it - Nanaba said and gave me a pat on the back, killing titans was easier than this.</p><p>I took a deep breath and walked towards him, holding my dinner tray with my two hands.</p><p>-Hey, do you mind if I take a sit?- I was trying to be nice while I was standing right in front of him.</p><p>Oh god, do you remember that I told you that I can’t recall the first time that I saw Levi? Well I would never forget the look on his grey eyes the moment he looked up to me that night. I felt a shiver run up my spine, then I had to slap myself mentally to get back to my senses.</p><p>-May I? -I asked one more time.</p><p>-Do you see my name on it?- Levi’s deep voice did eco in my mind while I was trying to understand what was his freaking problem.</p><p>Anyways I sat down because I was probably looking like an idiot stand up in the middle of the dining room. I took another deep breath and extended my right hand for him to shake it. Levi gazed my hand like it was pure poison.</p><p>-I’m (Y / N) and I’m really looking forward to work with you, let’s get along from now on! - Perfect first impression. I was giving him my infallible good girl smile but it was vanishing as time was passing and he didn’t even moved to handshake me.</p><p>-I was surprised to hear that you wanted to work with me, so I guess we will try to make this work - I added while I removed my hand. I tucked my hair behind my ear nervously.<em> “Please say something!”</em> I thought.</p><p>-What?- He asked.</p><p>-Erwin set us together?- I replied. I was sweating so much that I was feeling that I would need another shower after this.</p><p>Silence, the most uncomfortable one. Then he covered his place face with his more pale hand and sighed loudly. <em>“Someone, please save me”</em></p><p>-That son of a bitch paired me up with the spoiled brat- Levi’s words hit me like a bullet. I was sat down there, feeling like all this must be a dream. “<em>Say something? Forget it! I hope he never opens that mouth ever again”</em> I regretted my last thoughts.</p><p>He was mean, he was rude and all the bad adjectives I could ever think on. Why?! why me?! Petra should had been there, not me. Anyways, how could she like him? He was the worst!</p><p>Which girl in their right mind would ever like ever date him?!</p><p>Spoiler alert: Me.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! How are you? I hope you are doing great &lt;3 Did I already say that i love you all? Well I do! Thanks you so much for all the visits, the subcriptions, the kudos and the comments! I never expected so much, honestly!<br/>I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did while writing it. If you came this far, thanks you for reading! If you could leave a like, a comment or follow I would be so happy! Anyways I appreciate you all.<br/>I will try to update as much as I possible can before I have to go back to university from summer break.<br/>Thanks you! and please, take care &lt;3<br/>Bye Bye!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Girl at home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You never thought that working with Levi would be easy but this is just the tip of the iceberg.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>(Y / N) = Your name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(L / N) = Last name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(E / C) = Eye colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(H / N) = Hair colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just for the story's narrative, you are going to be just a little bit shorter than Levi. I set Levi's age to be 30 and your age 23 when Eren joined the scouts (considering that that happened during the year of 850 and Attack on Titan: no regrets is set during 844) So Levi will be 24 when the real story begans and you will be 17 years old.</em>
</p><p>Disclaimer <em>:</em></p><p>
  <em>I don’t own the characters here presented, they belong to Hajime Isayama. The only thing that belongs to me is the idea of the story.</em>
</p><hr/><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>I analyze all the face-expressions of each one of the kids that are sharing this moment with me. Sasha and Connie seem to be quite bored; Jean and Armin look like they don’t believe me and Eren is arguing with Mikasa because she insists that it’s too cold and he should wear a sweater or whatever. . .</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-Am I boring you guys? This is not what you had in mind? - I wonder, trying to understand why my tale doesn’t have the impact I was waiting for.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Mixed answers, Jean and Armin are the two ones more involves while the rest…  well the rest have their minds in another world.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>- Did the captain really treat you like that? - Armin asks dismayed.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-What? You don’t believe me? You can always go and ask Levi about the</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>veracity of the facts - I say and do side smirk, I am trying really hard to look cool here but then I realized what I have just said - Actually, no. Don’t you dare to go and ask Levi about it.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-Why not? Are you lying? - Sasha questions with a playful smile.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-No, actually I’m telling the truth but the problem is that Levi hates sharing about his personal life. So, for the sake of all of us, we should keep this as a secret - Somehow that reply really seems to persuade them and thanks god it does. Because with my relationship in the state that it’s and Levi realizing that I have been telling stuff about him to his squad, then the break up is going to be pretty much official. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-If it’s true that you two used to hate each other so much, how did you start dating? - Jean wonders resting his face on the palm of his hand.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-Jean boy! a relationship is not “hello, how are you? do you want to get laid?” there is a process - I explain while rolling my (E / C) eyes.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>It’s amazing how at that age we think that love is a magical little thing that suddenly happen and last forever. When it’s more complicated and scarier. It’s a painful process that sometimes can end good, others bad and in other cases takes a long time to actually ends. I can’t stop wishing that my case isn’t the last one while I touch my bandages. “Is this what you wanted?” I meditate feeling suddenly tired. I could do better than this and I know it, running away like a scare little kid. I shouldn’t be down this watch post, I should be talking with him and reminiscing all this while he held me in his strong arms after a good sex night. Not here, not with them, not doing this, no-</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-Talking about getting laid- Connie interrupts my train of thoughts - When are we getting to the spicy part?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Suddenly everybody is excited again. All of them looking over me with curios glance and slight blush on their young cheeks. They aren’t expecting me to chit-chat about my sexual life with their Captain, right?</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-Don’t tell me that you think I’m going to open up about what goes on in my sheets? - I speak up my mind trying to confirm my suspicions. But their silence and red faces are the description of disappointment. Except for Mikasa, she reminds me of Levi somehow.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>-Let’s do this, when we arrive to that part, we will see what I tell you or not. The problem is that we are not there yet and we will never be if you keep interrupting me- I say and they nod waiting for me to keep going.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>I take a sip to one of the bottles that were in the center of the round. I wish I could hide my disgusted face while I hear them laugh of my expression. Damn it, teenagers and their cheap alcohol.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>Where was I? oh yeah, first morning of training with my no-boyfriend back then. . . </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>For you who doesn’t know or haven’t noticed yet, I’m from Sina’s wall. I lived there all my life before joining the military, not even from one of the districts, I lived in the middle of the downtown of the capital. There is no fancier place in this world than where I’m from. The story of why or how did a rich girl like me turn out in the scouts are details for later on. </span>
  <b>My typical accent from the capital</b>
  <span> (check notes)* always seems to betray me and I can bet you that Levi knew where I was from even before I opened my mouth that night. I mean, it wasn’t a secret where I was from. Maybe my variety of shirts or dresses for free days, maybe my hair clips or perhaps my perfume were what blow the whistle about my origins. It could be that this little fact about me was what made my coexistence with Levi almost impossible at the beginning. While he was drinking filthy water to survive down there, I was sleeping in a big king size bed full of teddy bears and feather-filling cushions while my maid was preparing my breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I woke up as usual, in that tiny and uncomfortable bed that every cadet has. My (H / C) hair scattered all over my pillow and my morning was full of hundreds of failed intents of actually leaving my bed. I’m not a morning person, that is for sure. I stretched a bit and got ready for the rest of the day. During my morning routine in my shared room I realized two things. One, Nanaba was not in the room, that meant she spent the night in Mike’s room. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Lucky her, I wish I had a superior as a boyfriend. They have beautiful rooms all for themself”</span>
  </em>
  <span> I thought while brushing my hair. The second thing was that I better hurry up because my training was about to start. Breakfast was served between 6 to 7 am for recruits, somehow, I always managed to be there to grab a cup of tea ten minutes after the closing time. I braided my hair to be out of the way, washed my face and put some cream on and chose the shirt I would wear that day. After all that and making sure I was ready I made my way to the mess hall. While some people could point out that I put too much effort on my looks, I could easily justify that if there’s one thing I learned during my days living on the capital city is:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How they perceive you, they treat you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling and waving to everybody on my way, perhaps this was other of the things that Levi couldn’t tolerate about me back them. I opened the gates and scanned the room trying to find that particular short black-haired man. He wasn’t there and I took a look at my watch. <em>“It’s 6:45, maybe he isn’t a morning guy”</em> I thought while trying to point out the reason why he wasn’t there that morning. I shrugged while thinking that maybe I would find him later on to do our chores as a duo. I picked up my tray and went to sit down next to Petra and a few other girls, like Nifa for example.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-I totally adore the shirt that you are wearing today (Y / N)! - Nifa pointed out while biting her lower lip. <em>“See, Nifa understands me! she is a fashion girl too”</em> I said to myself, while smiling to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-It would look lovely in you! the deep navy blue would make your gorgeous honey eyes shine even more- I commented back to her, she was a sweet girl and I used to go out with her to visit the downtown sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t much to prepare for an outfit during duty days, I used to limit myself to shirts of basic colors, like white, shades of grey and black. Sometimes I went a little bit more dramatic with a long sleeves black and white or navy blue and white horizontal stripes t-shirt. But today, it was a simple white shirt that the hem was on a deep navy blue and buttons of the same color. I had always liked how blue combine with the color of the wings of freedom. The rest usually wear the first thing they found during morning that was not even clean or new compared to that, I was a model whose runway was the corridors where I carried the tea for my squad leader.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Hey Petra, since know so much about Mr. Grumpy, do you know where he is? - It was not like I was going to share the breakfast with him but just to make sure someone had seen him at least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But my paranoia was rising as Petra shook her head giving me a silent reply. <em>“I hope he didn’t oversleep during the first day”</em> I wondered. Oh, little did I know that “oversleep” or just “sleep” are missing words on Levi’s dictionary. I tried to enjoy the rest of my breakfast while having my (E / C) eyes on the door. Meal time was over and that little bastard was nowhere to be seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Hey Gerald, have you seen Levi? - I asked to one of my male comrades, maybe a boy knew better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Who? - He simply replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Levi, the short guy from the underground? - Levi was not even as half as popular as he is nowadays, mainly because he didn’t talk with anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Ah, no freaking idea where that bastard is - The brunette answered my question and then added - But maybe you should ask Will, I think they share rooms in the barracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thanked him the information, left my tray and began to search for my lost partner. <em>“Didn’t Erwin tell him that we have chores to do during mornings? Where the hell is he?”</em> I talked to myself while my big (E / C) eyes search all over the place. I cheeked up every corner and corridor for Levi or William. I looked for him through the windows, maybe he was on the training camp and when I was about to turn on the corner I saw Will. He was cleaning the corridors with another recruit, I smiled to both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Hey Will, good morning- I greeted the tall black-haired boy - Do you mind if I ask you if you have seen Levi?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-O-oh, hey (Y / N)! good morning - Will saluted me back with a light shade of pink all over his face, he was such a sweet boy - Mhh, I usually don’t see him during mornings. He is already gone when I wake up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-What a pity- A loud sigh escaped my rosy lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Maybe you should check up the shower room on the male barracks, that guy without doubt takes too many showers - The tall cadet was being more helpful than my actual partner with no second thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I thanked him and kept going with my research. It was already eight and half when I finished to check up the common areas and Levi was not where to be seen. I didn’t want to go to the male barracks, not just because it’s forbidden for women but because it’s so damn uncomfortable, but did I have another choice?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>- (Y / N)! There you are, the little lady of the scouts~ - I could recognize that singly voice anywhere, Hange was calling me from behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Squad leader Hange, good morning! - I turned around, stand firm and saluted. Hange may be a bit weird? . . . well she prefers to be called eccentric; however, she was still a squad leader.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Ow drop the formalities (Y / N), we are good friends there is no need to be so strict- The brunette said with a big smile on her face, like she always did- Anyways, shouldn't you be with Levi?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>“Speak of the devil”</em> Of course I should had been with him if he was somewhere to be found. However, Hange is the only one who used to talk or at least tried to keep up a conversation with Levi back them. So maybe and only maybe, she had some tips for me while dealing with Mr. Grumpy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-I actually should, sir. But I can’t find him, have you seen him yet? - I wondered trying to sound the less annoyed that I could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-So weird, I saw Levi picking up his orders this morning. He must be somewhere - Hange raised her hand and touch her chin while thinking -But if I were you, I would not make him wait. He doesn’t like people making him wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>“He doesn’t like anything if you ask me”</em> I thought to myself while remembering Nanaba’s words. If he’d already picked up his orders then he had to know that we were supposed to be doing all this together. I said goodbye to Hange and kept on my way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If the female barracks were usually a mess, I can’t describe the state that the male ones were in. Resigned I knocked the door of the shower room and a barely dressed guy opened. A towel around his lower middle section and bared chest. I tried to look to the other way while I felt my cheeks burning, <em>“I’m going to make you pay for this one, you shorty!”</em> The male recruit was leaning on the door frame and took a good look at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Well? - He asked roughly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-O-oh, y-yes- My stuttered words gave me away of my embarrassment - I’m looking for Levi?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned around and did a clear “tsk” before shouting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Hey Levi, there is a hot chick looking for you here! -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t know what was more humiliating, the fact that I was “a hot chick” or that it looked like I had something going on with the not yet Captain. I could hear how the rest of the men inside the room were laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one replied, silent. I didn’t dare to take a look inside to see the recruits face expression but could guess that they were waiting for a reply too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Well, it looks like that shorty is not here but if you are looking for a good time I’m at your service <strong><em>m’lady</em></strong> - His failed attempt to sound from the capital with the last reference to my person made me roll my (E / C) eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-No, thank you- I slammed the door on his face and walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>“Not in the mess hall, not in the common areas, not in the showers, then where the hell is he?! It’s 9 am already! we lost almost all the morning”</em> My train of thoughts couldn’t stop, once again I wished this morning had never started from the beginning. A loud sighed and asking Levi’s room to one of the cadets walking there were my followed actions. <em>“Last room to the right, he said that, didn’t he?”</em> Repeating in my mind so I didn’t forget. If only I had known that I will sneak into that room to do activities far from being training so many times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once again, I knocked and waited for someone to answer but this time it was different. Another recruit answered but as soon as I could take a sneak peek inside the shared bedroom, I saw him, sat down on his bed reading. I didn’t wait to be allowed inside, just walked towards him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Excuse me? Can you explain to me what are you doing here? - I questioned with an angry tone, I was actually not in my best mood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But my intents of sounding imposing failed terribly when Levi raised up his glance from his book to meet my (E / C) eyes. I gulped nervously, Levi’s deep and sharp grey eyes were like cutting my soul.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-What the fuck are you doing here shitty brat? - Levi’s deep voice resounded while the people in the room turn around to see what was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Think quick, don’t let him get you”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>-I wouldn’t be here if you were in the mess hall like the rest who started to do their chores- I answered back not trying to stay behind in this conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Huh? What did you say just now? - He closed his book and got up from his bed. Walked towards me, Levi was trying to scare me that for sure. The problem was that even a few inches above me were making him look so powerful and intimidating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-That’s rubbish! You heard me! You should have been there! -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>- Heard me out well-raised rich shit. I was there on time; you were the scum lazy ass who didn’t show up-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>- I was there on quarter to seven, breakfast time is between six to seven. I was on time! on the other hand, you were totally missing-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-I’m not your freaking servant, spoiled brat. I was there until quarter past six, next time show up earlier-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Who cares at what time I arrived at the mess hall! You should have waited for me; we lost such much time! -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-What a pain in the ass you are, I already did my part so you can go out of my freaking room. Last fucking time you show up here, rich bastard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-This is supposed to be team work, Levi. You can’t just go out and do “your part”. Anyways, what part is that meant to be? -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-I can’t solve your shitty life, go on and check the stuff I already fucking did, because I did wake up on time. Maybe if you wouldn’t have spent that much time trying to look decent for showing off, you wouldn’t have miss me-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That hurt me, as hell I was going to let him tell me what I should or shouldn’t do with my own personal time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Well at least I can show off, you can go out to the shops and buy the most expensive shitty cloths and still look like a dirty rat from that trash heap-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently, that actually offended him because he grabbed the collar of my shirt and raised me up. I had never been in an actual fight before so I closed my eyes expecting him to hit me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-What the hell is going on here! Women aren’t allowed and I thought I left that crystal clear! Levi, put that freaking girl down and (Y / N), leave immediately before I talk to your superior- The clear voice of a head-up stopped Levi’s actions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the cadets that were watching suddenly stood up firmly and greet the superior. Once I got my feet back on earth, I made my way out without trying to grab more attention to myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Needless to say, that I did the rest of the work on my own that morning. I didn’t dare to try to talk to him again. Mainly because I didn’t want to turn out all bruised, <em>“I want to keep my head stickled to my body, thanks you”.</em> The truth to be told was that it was true that Levi had done a big part of the job, but the question was when? I didn’t even see a single dark lock from his head around the campus that morning. While I was feeding the horses, I remembered Will’s words so another question popped up in my head <em>“When the hell does that demon wakes up if he got all the chores done?”</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>After I finished my duties went for my lunch. The only thing my mind seemed to be focusing in was in how I was going to make this team work. <em>“I was a little bit bitchy with him, I let him got the best of me”</em> I reproached myself thinking of how that morning went. <em>“There is no point in crying over spilt milk, we still have the afternoon training to make things up. If there is someone out there who can make this work is me, don’t let him get you”</em> My speech for cheering myself up actually gave me some kind of courage to face my next activities with more optimism.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nevertheless, keeping up my high hopes were almost an impossible mission when I arrived at the mess hall and everybody was looking over me. As usual, I picked up my tray and walk towards my friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Why is everybody is staring at me? - I questioned once I sat down and tasted the first mouthful of that tasteless soup that they gave us. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Well well well, look who we have here? They say that there is a thin line between love and hate but I never expect you to jump that line the first morning that you were paired with that jerk- Nanaba was having tons of fun saying that, while in the other hand Petra seemed quite angry with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My surprised was hard to express when my confused and shocked face was all I could managed to show. The piece of meal that was on my spoon fallen back to the dish while I was trying to collect my thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Excuse me? - It’s all that I managed to let out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Come on don’t be so surprised! You know better than anyone that words travel fast here - The tall blond girl explained like it was the most obvious answer she could have ever given me. Then she proceeded noticing that I was still very much lost in the conversation- Everybody is talking of how you went to meet him in his room and that his face was inches away from yours before one of the high-ups interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I closed my (E / C) eyes and tried to process the bunch of nonsense that this was. I rested my head on my left hand and my (H / C) hair covered my face. I will always be surprised by how much the information can be twisted in a couple of hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-That is not even close to what happened. He was nowhere to be found so I was looking for him and turn out of us picking up a fight in his room- I explained the summary of the events.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t want people think I was sleeping with that guy. “<em>Who could say that I was about to kiss him. Never like ever something could go on between the two of us, we can barely coexist”</em> Well, you know what they say, never say never.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>- (Y / N), how could you do that to Petra? You knew how much she likes him- In that moment, I knew she was making fun of me. Nanaba could barely contain the laugh while drinking her water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, the main problem was that Petra actually looked upset. She was right in front of me, sat down on the other side of the table. I reached my right hand out and placed over her arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-Petra, I would never like ever do such a thing like steal someone’s else boyfriend or crush. So, you don’t have to worry about me. Even more, when I get the chance, I will try to find out what he thinks of you-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently, that made her feel better, I remember her smile, her innocent golden eyes shining full of admiration towards me. I know that there is no excuse for what I did, but back them my words were honest. I never had the intention of taking him away from her, it just happened. If only I knew back then what I know now.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! how are you? I think this chapter was so hard to write down, I had so much things that I wanted to write but I didn't even managed to get half of what I wanted &gt;-&lt; So I decided to change the schedule.<br/>I decided to give like a specific kind of accent to the reader, more like a fashion, fancy and elegant way of talking. Considering that education shouldn't had been a really common thing inside the walls, I think if you are from a upper class family it would be easy to spot out. Imagine like the entire people from Sina's wall talk more on less in this way, like something specific from there, like Sasha's accent during that chapter from season 2. I think the easiest way of explain it is like someone hears you talk and says "ok, I'm guessing she is from Sina. Only rich people from there talk like that"<br/>Anyways~~ I hope you enjoy this chapter. If you did, thanks for reading this far. If you would like to leave a comment, follow or like I would be really pleased and happy.<br/>I hope you have a beautiful day!<br/>XOXO</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Cold as you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>(Y / N) = Your name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(L / N) = Last name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(E / C) = Eye colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(H / C) = Hair colour</em>
</p><p>Disclaimer<em> :</em></p><p>
  <em>I don’t own the characters here presented, they belong to Hajime Isayama. The only thing that belongs to me is the idea of the story.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>A shy clear of through brought me back to reality. I took up my glace, apparently, I was looking down, probably my hands that are between my legs. My (E / C) eyes scanned the room and realize how the entire Levi’s team is looking at me with concern faces.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Ehm, are you alright squad leader? - Armin asks without taking his blue eyes from mines, he is sat down right in front of me in the circle.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do I look that sad for them to notice it? I guess I am losing my charm” I can’t believe that I am letting my emotions get the best of me right in front of them. I need to be strong, as their leader they look up to me and expect to feel that I have situations under control. I guess I have been so much time out of the job and the role that I am out of practice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Yes! Ouups, I guess I got lost in my track of thoughts and there is no need to be so formal, really. (Y / N) it’s just fine, at least when we are not during duty hours. - I say with a smile on my face and tucking my (H / C) hair behind my ear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I need to get my shit together. How can I be acting like this? My seventeen years old version would be so disappointed if she saw me right now” I think while I try my best to pretend for them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-You looked really sad just now, maybe you are hungry? - Sasha points out and I just can’t help myself and smile full of adoration forwards her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They are all so sweet, no wonder Levi appreciates them so much . . . in Levi’s special way of appreciating people of course. This is not helping at all, when was the last time someone notice how sad I was? All of us, the higher ups, are so lost into our own world that we don’t realize how much we are suffering in silence. Perhaps that was my fault too, I was so lost in my own little sparks of happiness that I didn’t notice how frustrated, mad and sad you were. . .</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-I’m perfect! Just a bit tired, I am not that young anymore- I comment and they all kind of chuckle with me- So, where was I?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-First afternoon of training with the Captain- Eren replies fast for my surprise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Well, someone has been paying attention! -</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-I had nothing better to do, it’s not like I can be improving my training while I am on punishment-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For a moment I thought he was being cute. “Does this kid think in anything else that it’s not Titans or training?” I question to myself while running my hand through the bridge of my nose.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Before I keep going, Eren let me give you a tip. When a girl is talking about something, it doesn’t matter if it’s or not interesting for you, pretend that you care. Otherwise, you are going to have a hard time getting laid with that brutally honest comments of yours- </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh god, the way he gets all red like a tomato is priceless. Everybody is having a hard time containing their laugh, except Mikasa . . . I am taking the guess that she is not quite into me. On the other hand, Jean is having the moment of his life. I am could throw a bet that Jean is going to use this situation for further occasions.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Since the incident I tend to get lost in my own thoughts way too much. I can’t stop myself to wonder what would had happened if the slightest little thing occurred in a different way. Would had Levi and I ended up together? If I would had taken different decisions, would we be on a stable point in our relationship right now? Oh, if Levi could hear me out right now, he would say something like “Stop regretting your decisions, what is done is done”. Before I continue, I look up to the stars and take a deep breath. How many times had we been sat down here talking about the silliest things? Sharing our deepest secrets, thinking that this would last forever. Shit, I know you so well Levi, so fucking well, that I can bet anything that this time of night you’re still up. I bet that you are drinking a hot black tea on your favorite cup, yeah, the one that I brought for your birthday a few years ago. Wishing I was the one who did that tea, ‘cause babe, both of us know that no one does it like I do. . .  the tea and other things too. I bet you have a bunch of paperwork on your desk that needs to be done, more than usual because now I am not there to help you out. I can bet all that and more about you but I can’t stop wondering if this is killing you like it’s killing me. Just like back then, when I couldn’t see through your bad behavior and realize that you were everything I was looking for.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> -Ok, let’s go back-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I took a deep breath thinking that it was just lunch time and I still had tons of work to do and I was already exhausted. First morning of working together, <em>“huh, like if you could call that working together”</em>, and there were already so many people talking about us. Nanaba was having such a good time messing up with me that I thought it was time for some rematch.</p><p>-We’d already talked too much about me, what about you, Nana? Where were you this morning? - I throw the question already knowing the answer, I just wanted to make her feel uncomfortable. </p><p>Her cheeks had a slight shadow of red while she looked to another direction.</p><p>-You’re just jealous that your nights are cold and lonely-</p><p>Well she’s got a point, thought.</p><p>-You two can’t really keep your hands to yourself, do you? Damn, I hope you are responsible- I said while trying to enjoy the rest of my meal.</p><p>-Don’t act all mature, (Y / N)! One day you are going to be with someone and I can bet anything that you want that we would barely see you around. Actually, if Erwin and you could stop being so stubborn, this could already be a statement-</p><p>Now I was the one who was blushed and choking with my water at the same time.</p><p>-How many times do I have to tell you that Erwin and I are not a thing! Even mo-</p><p>- (Y/ N)? - Petra interrupted me - Sorry, I didn’t want to stop you but Levi is already leaving.</p><p>-He is what? - I shouted while turning my head to the direction of the main door. </p><p>Indeed, that little bastard was already leaving after having his lunch. I grab the piece of bread that I had left and put it on my mouth, got out of the table and went to leave my tray, doing all that the fastest way that I could.</p><p>-This is not over Nana! - I screamed on my way out of the dining room.</p><p>She waved back at me with an annoying smirk on her pale face. Damn it, I was not going to lose him again. I took a look at my watch while trying to eat the rest of the bread. <em>“I still had like half an hour left of free time for lunch! What is his problem? Is he a workaholic or what?” </em>But there wasn’t much time to think, he walked fast through the corridors and I was losing sight of him. God, I still remember the sensation of throwing up while running and dodging everybody on my way.</p><p>-Levi! Wait! - I yelled his name hoping that he would turn around and wait for me.</p><p>But that was not going to happen, not anytime soon at least.</p><p>-Levi! wait a second, please! -</p><p>I turned around at the corner so fast and without looking that turned out with me bumping into someone so hard that I felt backwards. With my only 5 ft tall, it felt like I’d just crashed into a wall.</p><p>-You alright? I think you’re old enough to know that running through the hallways isn’t allowed - A clear deep male voice made me look up.</p><p>Did I say a wall? Well, I wasn’t absolutely wrong. With 6’ 2’’ and 203 lbs, Erwin was practically a wall to crush into for me.</p><p>-I’m deeply sorry, I will make sure it doesn’t happen again, sir- I tried my best to reply without sounding hurt by my fall.</p><p><em>“God, if he usually looks powerful and towering on my normal level, from the floor he looks way taller and grand”</em> I felt my cheeks getting hot. If only Nanaba or Hange were there, I wouldn’t hear the end of this. If this wasn’t bad enough, Erwin focus his deep blue eyes on my piece of bread in the floor. I couldn’t be more embarrassed. I didn't know what to do with myself, I'd rather sink through the ground. However, he replaced the pile of paperwork that he was handling, place it under his left arm and extend his right hand for me to take it. Of course, without doubt I took it and he lift me like I weight nothing. I thanked him shyly, I was usually better at pretending to have everything under control but I wasn’t used to get in troubles so easily. He slightly chucked; I probably was looking like a mess.</p><p>-Weird of you not being in the dining room at these hours- The future commander commented and he couldn’t had catch me more out of guard.</p><p><em>“So, he knows at what hours I’m usually at the mess hall? No way, that was not subtle at all” </em>I suddenly felt full of confident. Who cares if that filthy jerk didn’t get alone with me, I had Erwin fancying me in the middle of the hallway. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>-There is nothing going on between the commander and I but god, he is so hot! - Sasha adds while I’m narrating and all of them laugh with her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I roll my (E / C) eyes, “teenagers, you flirt a bit with someone and they think you’re already all over your hands and knees for them” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Then! - I made my voice clear for them to get their attention back to me so I can keep going.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-Oh, it’s because I was trying to catch Levi on my way but he didn’t hear me, sir- I explained while playing a bit with my almost <strong>waist long</strong> (check author notes, please) (H / C) hair.</p><p>Erwin sight loudly and shook his head a little bit.</p><p>-Follow me-</p><p>There isn’t a lot to point out, because I did exactly that but there was nothing graceful of my walk with him. Erwin was busy so he walked fast and unpausing, his legs were longer and stronger than mines. I could barely keep up with him.</p><p>-I know Levi can be a bit difficult to treat but he could be a good partner if you learn how to deal with him- Erwin looked over his shoulder back to me.</p><p>
  <em>“A bit?”</em>
</p><p>-I will try my best, sir- I gave him back one of my good girl smiles and he slightly smiled back to me.</p><p>When we arrived at the training area, Levi was almost ready to begin with the 3DMG practice. I instantly hide behind Erwin after Levi send dead treats with his gaze after he saw me arriving with the future commander. <em>“God, he is going to kill me one of these days”</em></p><p>-Levi, I thought I made myself clear this morning after the incident at the barracks- Erwin pointed out with a several but clam voice.</p><p>On the other hand, Levi crossed his arms and did a clear “tsk” to let his bad mood being noticeable for us. <em>“So, Erwin bridged up what happened this morning. Interesting. If Erwin nagged Levi this morning for his attitude but didn’t bring it up to me, it’s on the cards that he thinks is more Levi’s fault than mine” </em>If there is something that had taken me to where I’m right now, is read between lines and learn about everything that everybody do or say. I couldn’t help myself and smirk.</p><p>-Ok, both of you. Try to behave, don’t make me feel like I have five years old cadets under my orders-</p><p>With that last statement, Erwin left us on our own. Even when I would have like to talk with Levi a tiny bit, I imagined that it was better if I just hurry up and got ready. I was so glad that I’d thought that because, before I could actually finish up properly, Levi was already taking his blades off and leaving.</p><p>-O-oh wait! We should talk about how are we doing this, right? The point of the 3DMG’s test is that we both arrive at the same time to the end of the field so-</p><p>-The fucking point is cutting as many titan’s necks as you can on your way and, if you’re the first cut, you get extra points. When it comes around cutting stuff don’t give me your moron speeches. Try to keep up, that’s all- Levi deep voice was overwhelming, I was not used to hear him talk so much.</p><p>Before I knew, He was already flying around with his ebony hair floating in the air.</p><p>
  <em>“He is so fast”</em>
</p><p>If I say that I was trying to keep his rhythm is a total lie even when I was making a really big effort. Levi’s small but lean figure was so difficult to keep up with. I had team up with Nanaba in a few Mike’s training so I could speak from experience. Mike was amazing at it and, before Levi showed up, we used to think that the really tall man was the best. Dear lord, I had heard from other cadets and Hange how good he was but this, this was a whole new level. That high speed, that almost not-human accuracy, that strength! I was speechless, to say less. <em>“Maybe this is why Petra and Hange worship him so much!”</em> Suddenly, all the rumors and chit chats that I’d heard about him were turning into reality. I thought they were exaggerating but they were far from that.</p><p>However, the problem wasn’t his speed or ability with the 3DMG, no. The problem was that I could hardly follow him. I had never been bad at 3DMG, maybe not the best but not the worst either. There he went, slicing through the back of the fake titan’s neck like it was butter. How he managed to do that with the speed he was moving around was another mystery. When I saw the fake titan, I tried to do the cut while keeping with him but I failed miserably. My cut was a little shallow while Levi’s, well you don’t need me to say it, right?</p><p>-Hey! Could we slow down a bit? I can’t even see! - My voice was loud enough for him to heard me but my black-haired partner didn’t have the slightly intent of paying me attention.</p><p>-Please! just a bit, I don’t know how much I can keep going at this speed-</p><p>Silence, the tree leaves were reducing my siew, my baby hairs were getting on my eyes, the air felt like cutting my skin and I was losing my balance every single minute that I was trying to keep up with him. It was just a matter of time, flying at this rate required a bunch of control and strength that I was lacking off. </p><p>-Levi! -</p><p>My lips were screaming his name but he couldn’t care less. The new cadet from the underground took a risky spin around a tree. Seconds after, so was I. I kept trying my best to open my (E / C) eyes that were having a really hard time fulfilling their talk at this hurry. I thought I have it the first couple of minutes but, when the turn was almost over and I try to keep going straight in my new direction, was when the hit came. It was like the force of my spin was too much for my body and made me keep going in the direction of my rotation. I still remember nowadays the pain on my right side when my entire body collided with another big ass tree. Following, the fall. Luckily for me I was fast enough to use my 3DMG to grab myself to the bark of the tree before it was too late. There I was, hanging in the middle of the thin air of the training forest.</p><p>-Someone? Help? - My screams were in vain because it was too early and there was a high change that everybody had just finished their lunch.</p><p>I took a deep breath and tried my best to slowly lower myself back to ground level. The pain in my right arm and shoulder was too much for me to go back to the building using the 3DMG. I didn’t even care about asking Levi’s help, I was pretty sure that if I saw him, I would had snap him so hard. If this was his idea of teamwork, then we had a problem. And indeed, we did.</p><p>There isn’t more to add about that first training afternoon because I spend most of the time of the actual training going back to the nursing. Mary, the nurse, was such a lovely girl and she took care of me. My arm wasn’t dislocated by some kind of a miracle. She made sure that, even if it was full of bruising, my arm was alright. A cream to massage my poor body, not over use it and rest. Nothing more could be done.</p><p>After my not so pleasing and short visit to the infirmary and a hot shower, it was almost dinner time. That was when Hange saw me.</p><p>- (Y / N)! What happened? -</p><p>-Why don’t you ask you lovely friend what happened- I wasn’t in the mood.</p><p>-I actually did and he said something like “I am not her fucking babysitter. When I looked back, she wasn’t there anymore, tsk” with his usual stoic face- The brunette explained with too much energy for my tired body and mind.</p><p>-I try to keep up with him and flatly missed, as you can see- I tried to summary the events because I just wanted to had dinner and go to bed.</p><p>-You saw him?! isn’t he amazing?!- Hange screamed with enthusiasm right next to me while we walked together through the hallway.</p><p>But I wasn’t in the mood to praise him, even when he was kind of astonishing. I think Hange got it because she shut up after my dead glance.</p><p>-I don’t think this is going to work out, Hange- I commented feeling suddenly blue and my wet (H / C) hair from the recent shower falling into my face.</p><p>-Oh (Y / N), it’s just the first day! Are you really going to give up? -</p><p>-No, but. . . I know I can usually handle any test and my mind is sharp when it comes around making things work out. But Levi and I just don’t match.</p><p>-Ow, it’s too soon to back up and imagine Erwin’s disappointed face when you go around to tell him that you stop trying after a single day-</p><p>Well, she’s got a point. It was too soon, maybe he was still mad after what happened this morning. <em>“Yeah, that is an option! specially if Erwin napped him about it. I would be angry too”</em>.</p><p>-I hate to say it but you are right Hange, I still have more to give-</p><p>-Wait what do you mean that you hate to admit that I am right? - The brown-haired squad leader replied with a confused tone.</p><p>-Haha, look! Nanaba is already waiting for me to have dinner, I shouldn’t make her wait. See you later- I nervously said goodbye to Hange and walked forwards my group of friends.</p><p>I enjoyed the rest of the meal with the girls. Every single time someone asked about my arm I shortly replied “I don’t want to talk about it”. I didn’t want it to ruin my meal. We were all laughing and chit chatting, dinners were the best. It was like my reddish lips couldn’t even cover my teeth for more than a few seconds during this time of the day. But then, I notice him. Sat down all by himself, nobody to talk to or share the meal with. <em>“Does he enjoy being alone that much?”</em> I couldn't stop myself to wonder. I knew Levi lost his friends from the underground during his first expedition. It was gloomy to watch from the distance, but the night before I’d tried to share the dinner with him and we all already know how it turns out. I found myself fascinating over him, my head resting on the palm of my hand and my glaze lost in his stoic but quite sad face expression. <em>“Perhaps, if he didn’t act like a jerk all the time and try to at least pretend to be more friendly, maybe he won’t be that lonely”</em></p><p>Suddenly, sadness took over me. <em>“If I didn’t pretend to be the perfect little girl all the time, would be all this people with me tonight? If I wasn’t on Erwin’s squad, such an honorific position, would I had so many friends? . . . If I wasn’t the pretty girl from the capital . . . Why even with all this people with me tonight do I feel so lonely?”</em></p><p>- (Y / N)? -</p><p>Petra’s sweet voice brook my train of thoughts. Thanks god she did because I felt like I was just about to cry. My suddenly really tired (E / C) eyes followed the direction where the voice came and found the reddish brunette.</p><p>-So, are you sure you want me to wake you up tomorrow so early? I don’t mind it because I have chores to do but. . . well, you aren’t usually up that early-</p><p>-Yeah! I want to try to have breakfast with Mr. Grumpy- I replied to her comment to my previous mentioned petition.</p><p>-Alright but, I don’t want to be bossy, don’t you want to come to bed with me now? It’s quite late already - Petra’s sweet comment made my blush a bit, she is so natural sweet.</p><p>
  <em>“I wish I could be that natural sweet. . .perhaps she can actually break Levi’s bad boy shield, not like me that I am a liar. . . maybe he knew that, when he saw me” </em>
</p><p>-Nah, I want to enjoy the night a little bit longer. I will wake up on time, no worry- I smiled back at her and stayed there. Why? I don’t really know, maybe being surrounded by people forced my sad thoughts to stay in the back of my mind.</p><p> </p><p>Did I say that I would wake up on time? What a liar. . .</p><p>- (Y / N), I have been calling you for half an hour! It’s almost six - Petra yelling my name was the first thing I heard the next morning.</p><p>-Is it six already?! I am supposed to already be there- I said while jumping out of the bed.</p><p>Of course, I overslept, my lazy ass couldn’t leave the bed. I tried to be ready the fastest way I could, no time for nice braids on my hair. But if I am doing a ponytail then, without doubt, I am combining my ribbon with the color of my shirt. That day I went for a tight navy blue and white horizontal stripes long sleeves t-shirt because the weather was getting colder and colder. I was already walking through the hallways to get to the mess hall. I was kinda glad that it was so early that everybody was still asleep to not see me adding my silver studded earrings to complete my look.</p><p>It caught me out of guard that the doors of the dining room were closed, they are usually wide open. <em>“I guess that is still so early that there is no need to keep them open. Wow, the world of the morning birds is so different” </em>The was almost nobody inside there, just a few superiors and other cadets. A chill ran down my spine and I began to rub my arms vigorously over the light brown leather jacket to combat the cold weather. The dinner room was usually so full that you could barely felt cold, but during early mornings it all felt like an opposite dimension.</p><p>There he was, once again sat down all by his own. I went for my tray and found Will in charge of serving the breakfast that morning.</p><p>-Good morning Will! How did you sleep? - I said to the tall black hair guy and he immediately turn around to meet me.</p><p>-Oh, morning (Y / N)! Amazing, so early and still you look gorgeous- He said with a noticeable blush on his cheeks full of freckles.</p><p>-Aww stop, you are making me blush~-</p><p>-Hey, I know I shouldn’t do this but so you want me to give you a cup of the higher-ups’ tea? It at least tastes like tea-</p><p>
  <em>“Trying to winning me over tea, William? Well, as I said previously with Erwin, I never say no to a good cup of tea”</em>
</p><p>-Aww you don’t have to-</p><p>Once I had my tray, I took a deep breath and went to Levi’s table.</p><p>
  <em>“God? Are you there? It’s me again, (Y / N). I know I don’t pay attention to you unless that I need something but . . . I need something” </em>
</p><p>-Good morning Levi, how did you sleep? - I placed my tray right in front of him and sat down. Once again, I smiled at him and I received nothing than dead eyes.</p><p>
  <em>“I’m kinda getting used to this”</em>
</p><p>After a few minutes without a reply I decided that I better hurry up and had my breakfast on silence. I couldn't recall when had been my last breakfast alone or so quietly. While I was lost in my memories, Levi couldn’t take his grey eyes off of me while I was drinking my cup of tea.</p><p>-Where did you get that one brat? -</p><p>-Eh? - I was surprised, I wasn’t expecting him to talk to me at all.</p><p>-The tea you moron, where did you get it? -</p><p>-O-oh, Will is in charge of the breakfast today and he poured me a bit of the superiors’ tea. It’s actually a secret so keep it for me, would ya? - I replied with a shiny smile and trying to sound as friendly as possible.</p><p>-Tsk! Fuck military’s morality. As far as a guy wants to get off, you can get whatever bullshit you want- Levi took a sip to his tea and immediately look at it with disgust.</p><p>I was frozen in my seat, maybe it was too early in the morning for me to actually follow his bratty attitude.</p><p>-Hey! did you notice? I woke up earlier just for you - I was trying so hard to try to keep up a conversation here and smooth the mood.</p><p>-What do you want me to do? applaud you? I’m not going to shake my tail like your stupid dogs for every time you take a shit-</p><p>And just like that he pushed his chair out of the table, picked up his tray and left. I couldn’t even move, I had to snap me back to my senses. I almost had my entire meal untouched, again. I finished my tea on a single sip, grab the bread one more time and left behind him. Quarter past six, that was the time that my watch said. I wasn’t even awake during this time on normal basis.</p><p>Not only using the 3DMG was hard to follow him, he walked so damn fast.</p><p>-Apparently, we were given the cleaning chores, I don’t really know why but we better get to work, right? - It was so early and I already want it to end.</p><p>Silence. I was trying so hard to walk beside him without being left behind.</p><p>-We should leave the restrooms for the last, everybody is going to use them when they wake up-</p><p>More silence. He didn’t even look at me while I was trying to talk a bit.</p><p>-Actually, I was wondering if there is any change of you waiting a bit after lunch time for me - </p><p>
  <em>“Is he even listening?! Don’t ignore me!”</em>
</p><p>-I could try my best to wake up earlier so you don’t have to wait for me during mornings but maybe you could do this little tiny favor for me, perhaps? You know, teamwork is all about arriving to a consensual midterm where we’re all happy. So, if you tell me about what would make you happy an-</p><p>-If you don’t shut the fuck up, I swear to god that you are going to regret it- Levi definitely look at me this time when he said that.</p><p>
  <em>“It’s going to be a long day”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-You look like shit, (Y / N) - Nanaba said looking straight into me with her light blue eyes while taking the chair in front of me during lunch time.</p><p>-Thank you for cheering me up, so nice of you- I replied while rolling my (E / C) eyes.</p><p>Levi’s terms of cleaning were out of description. It wasn’t even training and my poor arms, specially the damaged one, were hurting like hell. I’d tried to keep quiet during the rest of the morning after what he said but it was actually him who had been talking with me. . . well talking is a gorgeous definition of what he was doing. He insulted me or my cleaning abilities so much that I felt like crying for a minute. Levi was definitely building my patience or destroying it, any of the two.</p><p>-Don’t let that shorty take you down, ok? or I will have to go and put him in his fucking place- Nanaba was trying her best to make me feel better, in her own way.</p><p>-Thanks, Nana. But I better hurry up and finish, that demon is probably going to finish soon-</p><p> </p><p>I would like to tell you that the afternoon training was any better but it wasn’t, at all. Even more, it began to rain and we were doing some training on the forest. Something about climbing and running. When I had to jump and grab myself to past a really tall fence my injured arm gave up and I felt to the ground. Thanks to the intense rain I was a mud mess that couldn’t get up properly.</p><p>-Could you help me, please? my right arm is killing me- I sound so pathetic with my weakly voice and my (H / C) hair and face cover in mud.</p><p>-Are you insane? I’m not going down there and getting all pissed off. You are a soldier, help yourself-</p><p>The small part of my body that my left arm could keep up smashed the mud again after Levi’s reply.</p><p> </p><p>-Oh my god! what the hell happened to you? - Nanaba and Petra couldn’t give credit to their eyes when they saw in the state that I entered in our shared room.</p><p>-I don’t want to talk about it-</p><p>That night I didn’t stay longer than the time that took me to finish my meal. I was worn out and just to think I would have to do it all over again the following day made it even worse.</p><p>However, it wasn’t just the following day. I tried to keep up the first week and I flatly erred. I was so tired that I began to miss my dinners. I don’t remember exactly when but before I could realize it, I tend to went straight to bed after taking a shower. And just like that, the first week turned into two and then three as the air and nights turned colder and colder. After the first month, I was consumed. The relationship was none existing, less the teamwork. I had already stop trying to keep his rhythm by the time the night that I am about to talk about took place.</p><p>First day off since the training began and anyone could imagine the enthusiasm, that we all had. With the girls we were planning on going out to the town and taking some sweet quality time as friends.</p><p>-(Y / N)! Are you going to wear that brand-new dress that you talk us about? - Nifa asked to me from her bunk bed.</p><p>I was so excited to try this new dress. It had this elegant baggy light beige shirt on the top and on the bottom was a navy-blue skirt that was tight around the waist but became pleated later on. Plus, four golden buttons on the tight part around my waist, to make it look a bit fancier. All that with a pair of nice black tights and a good pair of matching color oxford high heels.</p><p>But all my emotions where draining off when I noticed that the dress was looking a bit too big for me now. <em>“Did I lose so much weight?”</em></p><p>-Oh (Y / N)! That dress is looking gorgeous on you! - Petra commented grabbing my hands and moving them with excitement.</p><p>That actually cheered me up, there was no time to be gloomy even if my test to become a superior was a going to turn out a total fail. That night and the following day were going to be all about making fun of our exes and checking up hot guys at the downtown.<em> “Neither Levi or anyone can take this from me!”</em></p><p>Or at least that is what I thought until someone knock the door.</p><p>-Ehm, (Y / N)? - Petra called me after answering the door - Erwin says that he wants to see you in his office asap.</p><p>It was really late. Actually, if I hadn’t been called by Erwin himself, I would be in problems because the curfew was already running. I couldn’t stop wondering what could probably be going on. I’d put back my uniform as fast as I could, even when all my roommates insisted on me going to see certain blondie on my fancy outfit. <em>“What if the girls are right and this night is THE night?”</em>, I was glad that the darkness of the hallways during the night protected my burning cheeks. <em>“Well, he sent someone off for me so maybe if just duty but tomorrow is a day off so if something happens no one would see me leaving his office tomorrow morning . . . I mean, in case something happens but maybe tonight is the best timing”</em>. God, I was so nervous. What if he was rude? or too big for me? I mean he is like way taller than me. Or will it hurt? Should I tell him that it’s my first time? What if I get pregnant? Would be the man that is waiting in the other side of the door my very first?</p><p>I had to knock but I was shaking. Where did all my confidence go? Poor seventeen years old me, still so naive and innocent. I didn’t know where my blast of confident and bravery came to me that I knocked at the door. I was expecting the same as always “name and business” but not this time. Erwin caught me out of guard when he opened own door.</p><p>-(Y / N), I apologize to make you came so late at night- He said with his deep blue eyes looking more shiny when the only light was coming from the candles that scape through the tiny gap of the opened door.</p><p>Erwin didn’t have his perfect and meticulous hairstyle, it looked kinda messy. He didn’t have his jacked on and the first pair of bottoms of his typical impeccable white shirt were open. I could see a bit of his chest but I didn't want to take the risk of him catching me. Erwin didn’t have his 3DMG harness on.</p><p>-T-There is nothing to apologize, sir- I replied to him.</p><p>He moved from the door frame and made space for me to get in. I had my eyes on the floor, I couldn’t even look up. I wasn’t just nervous or anxious, I was terrified.</p><p>Do you remember that I told you that Erwin and I would never become a thing at the end? Well that is the truth.</p><p>-What’s gotten into you? You look like you are about to throw up- A tired Hange on her pajamas was the first thing that I saw when I raised my (E / C) eyes from the ground.</p><p>It was like my soul returned to my body when I saw her there. That made me understand that I wasn’t prepared to afront what I’d imagined a few minutes ago. Yes, maybe that night was not going to be my first night and I was wrong thinking it would be. But I was not mistaken when I had thought that the man on the other side of the door would be, indeed the first guy I would get laid with. No, it was not Erwin.</p><p>-Tsk, can we get over this? I don’t have all the fucking night- Levi, who wasn’t wearing his jacket or even his cravat, said from his uncomfortable place resting on one of Erwin’s office walls with his arms crossed.</p><p>-Yes, of course- Erwin affirmed to the rest of us who were in the room- Commander Shadis needs me to travel to the capital to have a short meeting with the rest of the superiors of the different divisions. He isn’t feeling quite well to go, so he ordered me to take his place.</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t feeling quite well to go is the new term to say that you don’t want to do it?”</em>
</p><p>-On the other hand, Hange has insisted to go with me to present some new projects about Titan’s research and the superiors would like to me to introduce the brand new member of the scouts with dubious past- The young tall blond man of the room added and took a side look at Levi with the last part of the sentence.</p><p>-Ehm, then, where do I feature? -</p><p>
  <em>“Shit, did I say that out loud?”</em>
</p><p>-Well, if you let me finish. I wasn’t expecting any of this either, so I need quite a lot of paperwork to be done for presentation tomorrow morning. Also, I will need someone who takes notes for me. Usually, I am taking care of that job while commander Shadis is fulfilling his chores but I think you are the most prepared of my squad for that job, (Y / N)- Erwin explained with his usually calm and collected tone but sounding a little bit irritated.</p><p>-Tomorrow is cadets free day, sir- I said with my hopes already banishing.</p><p>-You will have other free days. I need all of you to be prepared in ten minutes to depart- My squad leader was giving an order in the middle of the night, out of my duty hours -All of you are dismissed.</p><p>Hange stood up from her seat, Levi began to walk to the door, Erwin began to put out all the papers he needed to carry and me? Well I was there exhausted thinking how this couldn’t go worst. But, once again that night, I was wrong.</p><p>Running to get things done seemed like the only way my life was moving. Mornings to arrive on time for Mr. Grumpy, training to keep up and now, running to change into a new uniform for tomorrow unplanned orders.</p><p>-Are you kidding? they can’t just cut your days off like that, it’s so shitty. Why doesn’t he take another squad leader with him? - My disillusioned friends questioned while I tried to pick up everything that I would need in the short time break Erwin gave me.</p><p>-I don’t know girls, but I need to d-</p><p>A clear knock at the door cut my reply and the recognizable voice of Hange resonate in the room.</p><p>-(Y / N)! Hurry up, we are waiting for you-</p><p>-Fucking shit! -</p><p>I grab everything that I could and rush out of the room. Leaving there, on the bedside, my typical green coat.</p><p> </p><p>I spend the rest to the night helping Erwin to finish some reports and duplicating some important papers on a shaky cart. By morning, after a long night of travel by cart and hard work, we arrived to one of the military buildings where the meetings were going to take place. Was I ready to face a long day of work? Certainly not.</p><p>Maybe the worst part wasn’t that I didn’t even have a breakfast that morning, or the so used to friendly hands of all superiors from the capital touching my thigh under the table. I swear to god that I was probably younger than their own granddaughters but what I was supposed to do? I was a cadet without voice or respect in the military, just the shiny new toy that old men had fun looking at while I tried to do my job. But, as I said, that wasn’t the worst part. What pissed me off was that Levi was sat down there, doing nothing! I was working my ass off as Erwin’s secretary but him? that raven was there just because rumors run fast and everybody wanted to meet the new called “Humanity’s stronger soldier”.  I regret what I said previously, I wasn’t the brand-new toy, Levi was. New toys don’t work so much. Even more, higher-ups enjoyed seeing me getting up and walking around so they could take a good look of my ass. So, guess who spend the entire day going back and forth to bring lunch, more tea, brunch, more papers, more pens, etc?</p><p>I tried to focus myself that all this would be over soon while I did another tea for that afternoon. When I was going out of the kitchen with the tea set on a silver tray, I notice Levi sat down on a group of chairs in the hallway. <em>“So, they kick him out of the office when the higher-ups didn’t want him there anymore and made him wait outside like a filthy dog. Typical of military police”</em></p><p>-What are you doing here? - I ask him on my way back to the office.</p><p>-Tsk, that shitty bastards from military poli-</p><p>-Kick you out when you weren’t their stupid dog shaking your tail for them, yeah, I get it- I interrupted the black-haired short man because I already knew the answer to my question.</p><p>-If you already knew the fucking answer why do you ask your stupid question- He said with a clear bad mood.</p><p><em>“Well the question would be, when isn’t he in that shitty attitude?” </em>However, I felt quite bad for him. It must be hard to live a life full of chaos and insurgent and then, suddenly be force to follow all this rules.</p><p>-Here- I said grabbing a cup from the tray and filling him a cup of tea- If someone finds you, it wasn’t me. This tea is only for higher-ups.</p><p>I began to walk without expecting any kind of reply from him but I stopped in the middle of the corridor when a soft “thanks” arrived to my ears. I turned around a bit to see him. His porcelain skin with the slightest tint of pink in his cheeks for the hot air that came from the drink, his grey eyes closed while he enjoys the moment and his extremely long dense black eyelashes contrasting his pale face. <em>“For someone who had such small fierce eyes, indeed he look kinda. . . cute? What the hell am I saying? I need to go back to work” </em>I shook off that unthinkable thoughts out of my mind. </p><p> </p><p>It was almost three in the morning when all this calvary was over, I had anything to eat that day and my poor hand was tired of taking so much notes. Hange was the only one who had energy to still discuss some points from her new ideas with Erwin. Now, Erwin looked so tired that made me wonder if I looked like that too. Military police took the first cart and left us waiting under the rain for the next one that was supposed to come soon.</p><p>-Unbelievable, you took a bunch of shitty time to arrive to the cart last night and still forgot the fucking coat? You really are an idiot, what were you doing? Trying to take a shit before the travel? - Levi said while waiting next to me for the cartful.</p><p>
  <em>“Is he trying to start a conversation? I can’t really tell; his face looks the same all the time and his manners are nowhere to be found in his way of talking”</em>
</p><p>-Excuse me this one, could you? At least do it for my actual hard work today. What about you? What did you do all day long, Mr. Grumpy? - I replied to him while shanking from the rain. Winter was coming and indeed I could notice it that night.</p><p>-Mr. Grumpy? how old are you? five? -</p><p>-Shut up, at least I don’t talk so impolite- I could saw him rolled his eyes from the corner of my left eye.</p><p>-Did you think about asking me for help? I’m not going to go and guess all the shitty things you need-</p><p>My cheeks were burning and my teeth clenched full of embarrassed, I had looked like an idiot because I didn’t ask him for a second to help me out. But thankfully the cart was here and we all quickly went inside. I was shaking from the cold weather; my clothes were all wet and I was so tired.</p><p>Next to me was Erwin who didn’t saw to be any better state, but he had his green long coat on like the rest of the team that night, except from me. Sat down in the cushion seats in front of mines was Hange and next to her Levi who was looking out of the window with his forearms resting in his thighs.</p><p>I couldn’t stop shaking, I was freezing. Just to think that tomorrow I had to carry on my duties as usual made me realize how tired I actually was.</p><p>That night, is one of that moments that made you wonder if things would have gone different, what would had happened? Because, maybe if I wouldn’t had been so tired, I would had taken a better look at the situation. Perhaps, I would have notice that I was paying attention to the wrong guy. Maybe, Levi and I would had begun to date sooner because, what happened that night, melted my heart.</p><p>I can’t recall exactly when I fell asleep during the travel but I woke up for an instant during the drive. I had my head resting on Erwin’s right arm and a coat around my shoulders. That common green coat of the winter uniform smelled so clean, flesh and . . . mainly? I couldn’t quite put my finger on the specific fragrance it had but it was like a mix of mint, cloths soap, tea and something else that made it smell so unique. With my eyes closed all the time and my cheeks red from the show of affection, I began to fall asleep again. I snuggled to that coat like my life depended on it and I thought <em>“How sweet of Erwin to look after me”</em>. If only did I know that I would catch that aroma not just in jackets but in shirts and sweaters that I would steal after a good night of that intense smell being all over me.</p><p>As I said previously, if I hadn’t been that tired, maybe I would had notice three things that night.</p><p>One, the coat was too petite to be Erwin’s and that Erwin had his coat on during the entire travel.</p><p>Second, that Levi who was awake all the time saw me shaking from the cold winter night. He took his coat off and placed on the top of me. I bet he was freezing too and tired but he looked after me with such a tender gesture. Levi, future captain of the special operations squad, was catching cold that night so a girl that he didn’t get alone with could sleep peacefully on the shoulder of other man.</p><p>Last, but certainly not least. Third, Hange saw all that and never said a word about it. That traitor never told me a single word but I can imagine her treacherous cat's smile while discovering, what she likes to call us, her favorite couple. She could had told me that I was fancying the wrong</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! Sorry that it took me so long! I don't know what to say, I had my first week of college and now I am shut down for quarantine. And, believe it or not, I have more things to do than if I had normal classes.<br/>I know this chapter is long, super long but I had the end of this one in my mind and I wanted to write it. I hope you like it ^-^<br/>Just for plot stuff, during this time you have long waist hair but in present time your hair is your natural lenght.<br/>I hope you like it and enjoy it as much as I did writing it. If you like it, could you please leave a like, comment or follow? That would make me really happy.<br/>Please take care during this crazy times that we are living, wash your hands and stay at home.<br/>XOXO</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Mean</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"You, have knocked me off my feet again,<br/>Got me feeling like a nothing"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>(Y / N) = Your name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(L / N) = Last name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(E / C) = Eye colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(H / C) = Hair colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just for the story's narrative, you are going to be just a little bit shorter than Levi. I set Levi's age to be 30 and your age 23 when Eren joined the scouts (considering that that happened during the year of 850 and Attack on Titan: no regrets is set during 844) So Levi will be 24 when the real story begans and you will be 17 years old.</em>
</p><p>Disclaimer<em> :</em></p><p>
  <em>I don’t own the characters here presented, they belong to Hajime Isayama. The only thing that belongs to me is the idea of the story.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Advertation: This chapter may be sadder than usual, specially at the end of it. I wanted to pointed out just in case someone doesn't feel like reading something like that at the moment. </em>
  </strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>A shake on my shoulder woke me up when we were back in the facilities of the scouts. Hange had a hand on my shoulder and her face was close to mine. I tried my best to keep my (E / C) eyes open but the sunlight coming in through the window of the carriage was not helping at all. I guessed that it was probably midmorning for how high the sun was in the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on sleepy beauty, we have to leave the cart.” Hange spoke to me while she tried to raise me from my seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was feeling so cold that it raised a question in my mind </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘where is the coat that I had during the trip? did I dream about it?’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The four of us were walking to the building with exhausting expressions. Erwin was continually covering his mouth while he yawn and, on the other hand, Levi’s facial expression was more like a pissed one than tired. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Is that the only facial expression he has? apart from the stoic one, I mean’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I wondered. I was going to go and try to see if there were some leftovers from breakfast when Erwin stopped me on my way to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N) come over to my office, we need to get those reports done as soon as possible.” His deep voice made me turn around and follow him in the opposite direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reports”- Hange repeated nudging and winking to Levi- “that’s how they call it nowadays.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rolled my (E / C) eyes while Levi only replied with his characteristic “tch”. I followed Erwin around the building like a puppy, my mind was not working anymore. Once inside the room, I went straight to the chair and picked up an extra quill pen from the right corner of the desk and submerged the tip on the black ink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make yourself at home.” Erwin chuckled while following my actions from the door frame that he was closing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my apologies. It’s just that I have been here so many times helping you with the paperwork that I just went straight to business.” I replied feeling my cheeks a bit hot, perhaps I was being too comfortable in the presence of my superior in charge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the future commander in line shook his hand with a smile on his handsome face, reassuring me that he was just messing up with me, trying to be friendlier perhaps. He sat down on the other side of the desk, right in front of me, and put out the reports.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I will tell a cadet to bring us some breakfast for later on.” Erwin calmed my hungry mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take long after, loyal to his word, a cadet brought us a tray. My mouth was watery seeing it. It was over 24hs since the last time I had something on my stomach and my body was really in need of that. Plus, it was a highers’ up meal. If there is something better than a meal, it is a good quality one. Erwin relocated the papers aside and told me that we could take a little break. I wanted to look composed so I had my meal quietly but I could swear that if a certain squad leader wasn’t in the room I would have jumped on the tray as my life depended on that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, how is the training going?” The only man in the room voiced up my fears before taking a sip of his water.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Awful’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great! We are”- I paused thinking what could I possibly say- “... working on that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good to hear, how is Levi behaving? I saw both of you talking last night before the trip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Do you call that talking?’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is”- I was thinking again about a possible answer- “a really special guy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin raised his beautiful blue eyes from his meal after that answer. I tucked a part of my (H / C) hair behind my ear with my left hand because the other one was busy with the fork. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Please stop asking’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you learn a trick or two from him for the coming mid-term test?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Yeah, he taught me how to finish in the infirmary! such a great partner he is’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, well we are both learning from each other constantly.” I lied, again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Erwin was seeing through my lie, I could tell from his facial expression. I tried my best to not do eye contact with my (E / C) ones. How could I tell him that we were practically not doing anything together? How could I excuse myself from being part of the most important squad in the scouts but yet facing the biggest failing of my entire military career? But it was not my fault! Levi was incorrigible. He would not listen to me and I wanted to keep my head over my shoulders, thank you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am guessing I already said this to you however, Levi is a tough nut to crack but if you manage to get on his good side he can be an amazing partner.” Erwin explained one more time what he had once said during my first day of training with the short guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I wanted to scream and shout because that was what Hange, Mike, and Erwin kept telling me but, as a matter of fact, Levi didn’t want to show me his good side. I only knew the ‘I am going to kill you’ side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few more minutes, the break time was over and we went back to work. We chit-chat a bit, about nothing in particular. Only when we were privately like this, is when I remembered that we had already been in less “official” meetings if you know what I mean. We were the two of us card sharks, playing pretend inside that office. I was and I am an amazing player on my own. However, back then Erwin who was almost ten years older than me was way better than what I would like to admit at this game. I am pointing this out for all of you, who are younger than me and around the age that I was back then, that waiting for a sporadic and almost imperceptible breeze of affection it's not how a relationship should be. Erwin was such a mystery for me, like an intricate puzzle that I couldn't quite get the hang of it. Since the last expedition, he'd taken the courage of kissing me and such that breaking this invisible line that both of us had been creating. I lived in his chess game but he changed the rules every day. Sometimes, we would be alone and he would kiss me like the world was going to come to an end. Yet, just as that passion appeared so it vanished. The next day, it was like it had never happened at all. Under the excuse of "we need to keep this professional," he had me there waiting like a good girl. Acing his tests just for the sake of hoping that in this way I would cut down on the waiting time for the next display of affection. You are probably wondering, Captain Levi doesn't seem like the kind of man who goes around throwing roses at anyone and telling them that he is crazy in love, either. Actually, you are right, but Levi had never not even once in all our years together made me wonder how much he loves me, it's a fact in my heart. He doesn't have to kiss me in the middle of the mess hall like there is none else in the room to let me know that he adores me. I don't have to wait for his mood to change for him to address his feelings, they are there all the time. They may be subtle but they are present night and day, as his sweet manner of doing the morning tea just in the way that I like it, only for me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We continued re-reading some reports, checking some numbers of the scout’s budget, and reading and answering some letters from the capital. It was around 2 pm when I stretched my tired back and my stiff neck. Another hard-working morning for my poor and exhausted body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, do you think you can handle it from here on your own? I have theory classes this afternoon and I wouldn't like to miss them” - I broke the silence that was reigning in the office due to the amount of concentration that we were both handling- “but, of course, that if you need me I can skip the class.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not like I needed it, after all, I was already doing a similar job to a superior when it comes around paperwork. Back then, I had already been fulfilling the task of an assistant in Erwin’s squad for around a year and a half when this story is taking place. Erwin knew about my intellectual capabilities and that is why I was there, helping him to have his assignments on time. Of course, he could do all this without my help at all and he had the last word on everything I wrote. However, it’s ten times faster to just read a letter or report and check that it has everything you need than actually writing all that yourself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin looked up from whatever his hand was writing and gazed at the clock hanging on the wall of his left and then ran his long and lean fingers through his spotless blond hair. I could see the heavy dark circles under his handsome blue eyes, I wondered if I appeared as devastated as he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, time sure moves fast when you have fun.” He commented with a slight chuckle while he rubbed his eyes and the bridge of his nose. I couldn’t contain a little laugh with his comment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can always come back if you need me to, sir.” I added with a smile on my face. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’d rather have your company further than a certain partner that I know’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I thought while the idea of having to share an entire afternoon for the following week with Levi and his bored expression. Perhaps I was being extra receptive to Erwin that afternoon but the blond superior was being extra caring with me too, considering his coat all over me during the drive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t need to be so formal when it’s only the two of us.” The way he smiled at me, how his eyes shined with the afternoon sun coming across the window behind his back. Erwin indeed did and does know his way with women, that is not a secret for none in the scouts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I glanced down for an instant and, when I looked up again, my (E / C) eyes made contact with his blue ones. I dedicated him a smile with my (H / C) locks falling into my face again. I couldn’t contain a little chuckle and, subsequent, I bit my bottom lip feeling a little bit intimidated. I was going to raise from my seat since everything had already been said but Erwin captured my face with one of his hands and lifted it a little bit so he could capture my lips at a better angle. The subtle pressure of his lips that were a touch dry on mines gave me a hint of his dominance over me. His hand traveled from holding up my chin to the back of my head, so he could tangle his fingers with my hair. With my eyes closed and my hand moving shyly to his shoulder, I let him kiss me in any way he preferred to. We didn’t deep embrace much further, mainly because the clock announced the half-past two and we both knew I was running late to my class. Erwin stepped apart a bit and I looked to the side instead of looking back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to be late.” The words left my lips, that had been captured a few minutes ago like they weren’t my own. They were more like my conscience talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before you go, there is something I would like to ask you.” Erwin said and before he could even finish I was already having a heart attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Is today the day? Did I manage to finally make him want to settle down with me?’  </span>
  </em>
  <span>My heart was going to jump out of my chest and my head was spinning around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have this ball that I was invited to, during the winter break at Hermita”- Erwin paused while he gave a step behind from the desk where we had been sat down a few minutes ago - “I was wondering if you would like to be my plus one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Well, I am disappointed and happy at the same time’</span>
  </em>
  <span> I tried my best to fake a smile so he wouldn’t notice that I was quite expecting something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I would love to.” I accepted his offer before leaving for my class.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I closed the door behind me and rested my forehead there for a second. A sigh that had been held inside my chest finally escaped through my lips while I closed my (E / C) eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You said that nothing happened between the commander and you!” Connie screams, making me jump in my place.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Damn, you scared me kiddo!” I reply to him with a hand on the top of my fast-beating heart.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t believe this, how can you say that nothing happened?” Jean follows Connie with the accusation.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ok, I am going to explain this just because I’m tired of being interrupted by the same thing over and over again. My relationship with Erwin was not a satisfactory mission, happy?” I’m trying to explain it with military vocabulary to see if in this way they will understand my point.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But squa-, I mean (Y / N), just because a relationship didn’t succeed doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen.” Armin speaking as the enlightened of the team.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And you are right on that but, as you will see later on, we NEVER became an official couple at the end.” I replied emphasizing the word never while replying to the cute blond kid.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“When are we going to arrive at that part?! This is taking forever.” Sasha questions with despair.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well” - I smile tenderly before raising my voice - “We’re never going to arrive at that part if you keep interrupting me! Plus, I told you that this was a shitty long story and you were the ones who said that it didn’t matter so shut up and let me keep going!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They’re all surprised by my sudden change of mood. Damn kids and their little patience. Where was I? Oh, yes . . . </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was just another disappointing and tiring day, nothing new under the sun. I decided that I better hurry up, go for my things at my shared room, and then to my respective classroom. How I was going to keep awake the entire class was still a mystery. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Another mystery for the list and counting.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I arrived at my respective classroom and scanned all the seats that looked like stares without enough students on them. Then, I spot him, my friendly partner, at the back of the class. I didn’t know what was going to be more life draining, climbing the stairs until the end, or sitting down next to Levi. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘So, let’s get it over and done with.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“May I?” I ask a certain black-haired man that we all know at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was expecting something like ‘Do you see my name on it?’ or ‘Do whatever you want, brat’ but he always managed to surprise me with his unique replies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So fucking desperate to sit down, what happened? Did Erwin fuck you too rough that you can’t even stand on your two feet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was there, mouth open like some dump fish. Even the pair of comrades that were sitting down on the seats in front of Levi’s turn around after hearing that. I bet my face was exactly like them’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“EXCUSE ME?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucking chill brat, you are going to hurt my ears.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you said such a thing in my fucking face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Do you prefer it if I go and say it behind your sorry ass?” He replied with that sassy look in his face that I wished I could erase.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not!” - I said with my tone slightly higher than usual, he had a way of pissing me off that none had - “I would really appreciate it if you never said such a thing ever again. Nothing is going on between Erwin and me, nothing! Did I make myself clear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? If that shit is true then, why are your lips looking so red?” My raven partner said with his weight on the backrest of the chair and his grey eyes looking at mines.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to stay composed with my (E / C) ones fixed in his bullet grey ones. It was an arduous task to even attempt to win a stare competition with Levi. I gave up when curiosity got the best of me, I pulled out a tiny mirror from one of the pockets of my beige leather jacket to check up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, they look the same as always!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I looked up, I found an image that was the last thing I thought I was going to see in my entire life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You fucking checked” - Levi had a smile on his face, he was laughing in my face - “Damn, I can’t believe that you fell for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt like the dumbest person around at that moment. I turned around, facing the blackboards, biting my not out of the ordinary red lips with frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes fixed in the teacher during the entire lesson, afraid that if I look to another direction I would pass out. I didn’t even bother in taking notes, why would I? The teacher didn’t even care enough to give a properly detailed lesson anyways. I could even picture Nanaba asking for my notes one or two days before the exam. A memory from my old first days in the scouts popped in my mind and made me smile to myself with bittersweet happiness, like having an uncommonly warm day during Autumn that makes you recall how much fun you had had during those endless summer nights. During our first year in the survey corps, I had shared with her my summaries and notes without second thoughts. Later on, I would give her a lecture on how I couldn’t do her summaries forever. Now, there are no more notes to share, neither is Nana here to ask for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As I mentioned before, I was particularly good at all the topics that the theoretical classes were going to cover that week so I was not bothered. I share with Erwin and Hange the highest score in the military of theoretical tests.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We had only one entire week for refreshing information that a big part of it had been given during the training years. I was done with the team, perhaps I gave up on it too soon but we were only two weeks ahead of the midterms and it was clear in my mind that we were not gonna make it. Not in the states we were in, not without practicing at least one month together for real. And certainly less, after this specific lesson on Thursday afternoon. We had been asked to do an exercise similar to the ones that we were going to have in the coming test but without a partner, of course.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are supposed to write the name of the addressee and their rank in the first lines after the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The text is too short. The length is required to be 700 to 1500 words whole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fucking know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then do it right. Plus, that word doesn’t have an h in the middle.” I pointed out with my index finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are getting on my last nerve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to always write at least three paragraphs, it’s protocol.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up already, brat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must know the names of each important superior in the military, they are not going to be given in the test. They will give you the rank and you’ve to know them so you can be able to give an effective response.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, it was him the one who looked pissed out of the two. The table had been turned, I was sat down there in the back of one of the last classes of the week, looking stoic. My (E / C) eyes followed Levi’s hand that was trying to write a report but failing miserably at it. A clear “Tch” arrived at my ears when he had made another mistake with the quill pen, causing a big black stain in the paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘We have a problem.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I ran my fingers through my (H / C) hair realizing that, if there was any chance of us at least passing the test, they were now sinking like a paper boat sailing in the river.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever” -I paused- “taken a calligraphy class?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever shut the fuck up? Or do I have to kick your ass for that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My hand that was going back and forth on my head went all the way down and covered my face after his reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are so done, this couldn’t be worse.” I know I should have approached the situation better, even more considering Levi’s personality. However, back then I felt like nothing was alright, everything was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I swear that I could hear Levi’s teeth grinding of frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is how it feels when people point out your flaws as if you don't already see them. It’s not nice, isn’t it Levi?” I told him, raising my eyebrows and smirking.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘A taste of your own medicine’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fucking done with you.” Levi said while rising from his seat. He hadn’t raised his voice but I could tell that he was really pissed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Where do you think you are going?” - I whispered but loud enough for him to hear me while grabbing the sleeve of his leather jacket - “We are in the middle of a class, you have to ask for permission to leave your seat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to take a shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as that, he began to walk down the stairs next to our seats of the small auditorium where we were having the lecture. I saw his back with the wings of freedom in them advancing through the room. Head up and hands-on his white trousers, each cadets' head in the room turning around while he made his way through the classroom. Once he was at the bottom of the room, the higher up who was in charge of the lecture raised his eyes from whatever he was reading in the small desk he has at the left corner of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell you think you are doing, cadet? Go back to your seat before you regret it.” The superior spoke up but Levi was having none of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off.” My short partner replied while he kept his pace to the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he was out of the room, everybody turned around to look at me as if I was his mother and could have stopped him. I wanted a titan to appear right there and eat me, I forced an awkward smile to everybody as if that was going to solve something. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to hide under the table so nobody could see me anymore. Instead of that, I went for a more mature option and decided to correct the exercise that Levi had been doing just a few moments ago to keep my mind busy. The grammar itself was good, I could tell that he knew what he was writing down but it lacked proper vocabulary. Plus, it didn’t follow the strict rules of an accepted report. On the other hand, you would be surprised to hear this because Levi is known to have one of the cleanest and precise calligraphy of the scouts, but I could barely read what he wrote down on the paper. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I guess that you don’t take proper classes in the underground’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my pencil case and grabbed a red </span>
  <strong>
    <span>crayon</span>
  </strong>
  <span> (author notes, please~) out of it. I didn’t want to use the quilt pen because it was going to be hard to tell apart the corrections from the actual essay. I began with circling the words that I couldn’t quite read and the ones that had misspellings on them. Following, I underlined sentences that were not necessary or that could be written in a better way. Most of the arrangements I did were because the report was not polite or formal enough. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Perhaps and only perhaps, if he allows me to, I could teach him a thing or two so he can pass the exam next week’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Levi was not coming back and I was feeling inspired. I started to put asterisks and explained on the back of the paper what he could add like information to arrive at the number of words that were needed. I went even further and gave him examples of different words and phrases that could help him out in case that the text was too repetitive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raised my (E / C) eyes from my desk and watched the door for a few minutes, resting my head on the palm of my hand. Levi was not coming back and I assumed that he was not going to do it for the rest of the lecture either. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I should have gotten a hold of myself and not pissed him off so much.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I regretted my last actions while scratching my head.</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘God, why do I always have to look after what I say to him but he insults me in my face and I just have to shut up like a good girl. It’s not fair at all’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I signed loudly wondering where this team was going. I swore to god in my mind that one of these days he was going to drain the little patience left I had for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I looked at the rest of the papers that were on the left corner of our shared desk, next to the wall. I picked them up and realized that they were the rest of the activities that we had been assigned that week. The history ones were pretty bad, the math exercises to calculate the budget were correct but the method to arrive at the results was not done and I could go on and on about it. I took a gander to all the pages and picked up my red crayon again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was so immersed in my corrections that I didn’t realize that the class was over until Nana rested her hand on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Class is over, let’s go and grab some supper.” the tall blond girl said to me while trying to take a look at what I was paying so much attention to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, let me collect all this”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, Levi’s knowledge of the theoretical side of the test was pretty poor but I knew he was a smart guy. With a little bit of help and a push in the right direction, I bet I could make him pass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is she writing so enthusiastically?” I could hear Nifa asking Nana during the dinner. I was taking little breaks from writing to take bites to my meal while reading some of my partner replies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, she has been on that since the last lecture” -My best friend explained while shrugging - “By the way, can you believe that that gremlin raised from his seat and left the class, with all the guts he is known for and more?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way! Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! He even told the superior to ‘fuck off’ and everything. Wait, I bet (Y / N) knows better how it happened. Right, (Y / N)?” Nanaba turned around to face me with shine in her light blue eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there was no reply from me, I was too focused to even pay attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N)?” She called out again, this time I heard her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When I raised my (E / C) ones to meet my friends from the opposite side of the table, the tablespoon that was full of stew let the meal on it splash all over my papers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit!” I tried my best to clean it as fast as I could “Fuck, he is not even gonna touch them if they’re dirty”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are all those about?” Nifa asked again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am trying to correct Levi’s activities and doing a quick summary for him so it helps him out for the upcoming test next week” I explained while putting my meal aside so I didn’t have another accident.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me get this straight, he treats you like shit and you are making a summary for him? Are you a fool?” -Nana raised an eyebrow to me while trying to understand my attitude- “Plus, what are you doing? finish your meal, you have been barely eating recently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N)!” My best friend called out my name again after a few seconds of silence from me. However, this time I could feel the annoyance in her tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry is a one-night thing, I just want to have this done so I can give it to him asap” I replied not even raising my eyes from the papers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have been giving me the same shitty reply every night for the last month! When was the last time that you finished your supper? You have been running around like crazy, if it’s not helping Erwin with some bullshit, it’s keeping up with Levi or whatever”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her explanation made me stop for a second and looked up. But I did not only find my really tall best friend looking at me with concern written all over her features but Nifa and Petra too. Even if Nanaba was mad at me at that moment, I couldn’t stop smiling at the tender gesture of being worried over me. Not gonna lie, I wasn’t used to people caring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry girls, I promise this is the last time” -I said feeling positive for the first time in weeks- “Look. Perhaps, if I managed to make Levi listen to me with this, I will show him how much effort I am putting into helping him out. Then, maybe and just maybe, we will be able to improve our teamwork”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all exchange worried looks after my explanation, like if I was Hange talking about Titans’ theories.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so” They all replied with the same voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just like that, I kept with the hard work. I was almost over and I was feeling so enthusiastic and excited about it. Even when I was having a really hard time dealing with Levi’s attitude, I truly looked up to him about his outstanding performance with the 3DMG, though I didn't like to admit it. Believe it or not, I was looking forward to working with him, learning and improving my abilities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once I was done, I went straight out of the dining room looking for my partner with raven hair. I hadn’t seen him since the lecture so I was wondering where he had been. I walked around the building, holding the papers against my chest with my arms. Then, I saw it. The wings of freedom adorning his back, his characteristic undercut hiding behind his black as night locks, his broad shoulders of working out over and over again until exhaustion. Now that I think of it, perhaps that was the very first time that I felt so happy with just the sight of his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Levi, wait!” At that moment I didn’t care if he was still mad at me, of his dead gaze, of his bad attitude because my bright mood was erasing all that worries from my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he didn’t turn around. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Perhaps he didn’t hear me out’</span>
  </em>
  <span> I thought innocently, picking my pace so I could reach him. It took me a while to arrive behind him and place my hand on his strong shoulder. This time he couldn’t fake that he didn’t notice me and instead he pushed his shoulder away from my hand, like if my touch was the filthiest thing that ever existed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry” - was the only word that left my reddish lips after his action. I was having second thoughts out of this but I pushed them in the back of my mind because I needed my confidence - “I was calling you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck do you want?” I was used to his cold treatment but this felt different, in the way that it should raise all the warning signs in my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I had been correcting your essays and I thoug-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He cut me off with a pissed expression. Suddenly, all the confidence, happiness, and excitement left my body. This was not Levi’s usual annoying face, oh no, he was mad for real. Something that’s bad, really bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-huh I mean that I tried to point out the mistakes s-so y-” my voice was shaking and the nerves were making me choose the worst combination of words ever. So, he cut me off again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have enough this afternoon? Do you get off with this bullshit? Clean your pathetic filthy ears this time and hear me out, you are lucky that eyebrows and four-eyes are on my ass making sure that I don’t touch a single fucking hair of your sorry-ass head. So next time that you feel in the mood to play smart-ass with me, I recommend you to keep your pretty shitty mouth shut. Don’t make me repeat myself. Next time, get down of your high horse or your Sina’s ass is going to get a royal salute from me that not even sucking Erwin's dick is going to save you”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was literally shaking, (E / C) eyes opened and became crystalline. I didn’t even get the chance to say anything, I had a knot in my throat from the tears that I was holding that incapacitate me from replying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clear?” Levi’s deep voice echoed in my mind while I bit my bottom lip, holding my growth.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Don’t you dare to cry in front of him! Have some self-love and walk away’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I said to myself while lowering my sight, defeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Crystal” I managed to say and I saw his pristine leather boots walking away from the small panorama that I had with my eyes fixed on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The corridors were pretty empty, perhaps because everybody was still having dinner at the mess hall. I was the one who ran away from there with all my hopes and dreams as fast as I could to find him. I stood there, in the middle of the hall, a few minutes; with my arms still holding the papers against my chest but at that moment, it felt more like I was trying to hug myself. I was closing my eyes and biting my bottom lip fervently, holding back my tears because I had a long way back to my shared room and I was not going to let anyone see me cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A gentle hand landed right there on my shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ok?” - I recognized Eld sweet voice - “Something happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, everything is fine!” I replied and faked the best smile I could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked away, feeling like nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What made you think that someone like him would want your help? He doesn’t need it, Levi is useful on his own’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I passed the dining room’s door, heading to the female barracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Not like you, who is only useful as a pretty tea server’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I didn’t feel like facing my friends anymore, I just wanted to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What is Erwin going to say after this? If he ever thought that you were valued, he will certainly not feel that way again’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I passed the door of my shared room and closed behind me, I couldn't stop the tears anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What is everybody going to say when they see you fail? You are in Erwin’s squad and you can’t even pass the stupid mid-term, everybody is going to assume that you made it into his team because you slept with him.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I throw the papers into the rubbish cast of the room and then throw myself on my bed. I grabbed my arms around my pillow, feeling how the spiral of destruction was covering my thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minutes later, I heard a knock in the door and that person walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey (Y / N), are you ok? Eld told me that he saw you quite off on the hall and I was wondering if you-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nanaba’s voice echoed in the room but she stopped when she saw the state I was in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god! What happened?!” She rushed next to me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why he gotta be so mean?” Was the only thing that I managed to babble tearfully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps I was being a drama queen, maybe I had too much on me between the self-pressure I put on myself to always be perfect and the fatigue, maybe Levi was prejudging me, maybe I should have stood for myself before and told him that he couldn't speak in that way to me. Sina’s spoiled brats like me and socially awkward thugs from the underground like Levi were surely not the most dreamed team to work with. But, if you never bleed, you are never going to grow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I have two things clear, I was going to learn a lot from Levi about standing out for myself. This and the fact that was the last time that Levi talked to me in that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He is even going to apologize for his attitude . . . in his own awkward and weird way, but he is going to. If you are wondering when then let me say that pretty soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Do you remember Erwin’s invitation to a ball? Well, keep that in mind because that night was the night that gave a 180° turn of events to my life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t even think I will be dating Levi if that night wouldn’t have taken place.</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok, I know. This took forever! but quarantine hasn't been easy, a lot of stuff is going on at my country and family right now so I couldn't find the inspiration to write, to be honest. I hope you enjoy it anyway! I always thought that this was going to be one of the hardest chapters to write due to the fight between Levi and the reader (you lol). But you know what they say, about the light after the storm. A promise that from now on, chapters will get sweeter and sweeter.<br/>I wanted to thanks all the kind words in the comments, the people who decided to spend a little bit of their time reading this, and the kudos!<br/>Thank you very much and I will try to update as soon as possible!<br/>PD: the Crayon side note it's because I found out that color pencils and crayons were not invented until 20th century o-o Can you believe it? so just for the sake of plot hahaha let's pretend that there is some kind of colour thing (pencil, crayon) in snk's world. <br/>PD n° 2: I changed the way I write dialogues and thoughts because a native speaker told me that this is the way that you are supposed to do it in English. Sorry about it, I didn't know it until now. I will try to update the past chapters so it's easier and more natural for you to read it. I apologize again if my grammar or vocabulary it's not the best, English is not my first language.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I try not to fall apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>That was the moment I knew</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>(Y / N) = Your name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(L / N) = Last name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(E / C) = Eye colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(H / C) = Hair colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just for the story's narrative, you are going to be just a little bit shorter than Levi. I set Levi's age to be 30 and your age 23 when Eren joined the scouts (considering that that happened during the year 850 and Attack on Titan: no regrets is set during 844) So Levi will be 24 when the real story begins and you will be 17 years old.</em>
</p><p>Disclaimer<em> :</em></p><p>
  <em>I don’t own the characters here presented, they belong to Hajime Isayama. The only thing that belongs to me is the idea of the story.</em>
</p><hr/><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>Awkwardly smiling to all the cadets that are looking at me with wild eyes.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“So?” Sasha speaks up, all of them are sat down in different positions but their upper bodies are slightly tilted in my direction. Like if that would allow them to hear me better.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“So what?” I reply wondering why everybody is so focused right now.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“What happened next?!” Jean says quite loudly right next to me on my left side.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Wow, what happened? just a few moments ago, you were so bored,” I say with a smile on my face, I think I finally managed to catch them up with my tale.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Well, yes! things are getting shady now! Keep going” Connie speaks up, he sits down next to Jean and his golden eyes seem weirdly awake considering the time of the night.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Well, well, let’s take a quick break, shall we?” I say and they groan in response “I need to go to the lady’s room! My god, it’s just a quick break. Plus, if you behave and don’t go running around the corridors I may give all of you a treat”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>The last part, about a treat, seems to be what convinces them about taking a little time from the tail. I’m trying to raise from my position on the floor of the watch post but my legs are numb and that sends a direct pulsation of pain in the lower part of my abdomen. Eren who was sitting down next to me a few seconds ago noticed that I’m the only one who hasn’t raised from its place on the floor.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“You’re alright, Squad section?” He asks with his petrol green eyes looking in my direction.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I fake a smile trying to reassure him that everything was splendid “Yes, but could you be a sweetheart and help me to stand up? being in the same position for so long numbs my legs”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He nods and extended a hand for me to take it, so I did. He lifts me quite abruptly, not that I complain but there was nothing gentle in his help. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘Teens, what do they know about being gentle with a girl? Well, I’m not a girl anymore, more like an old woman for him’</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Thank you,” I say while dedicating a smile.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“You’re welcome, sir”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Everybody takes this as an actual toilet break, parting ways between the females and the males. “Try to not make a lot of noise, I don’t want to give explanations” my advice seems to be completely ignored as the guys walk away turning a blind eye to my words. My sigh is loud enough to make Sasha chuckle and we, the girls of the group, can hear Jean saying as they walk away “Man, I need to take a piss so badly”. He probably thought that he was too far away from being heard by us but we cover our mouths trying to control a good laugh.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Oh my, boys will be boys no matter how many years of training they go through” I comment.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Mikasa, Sasha, and I had a little chit-chat about nothing in particular to be honest, more like about how are they handling the situation and if the last shower of the female barracks is still the worst one. Once everything has been done and said, we find the group again at the bottom of the watch post, I admire with tired eyes Jean and Eren discussing something too loud for my taste, considering the time of the night that it’s. I planned to ask Mikasa to help me out but seeing the “display of testosterone” that the two teens are doing, I change my mind.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Eren” I call out the teen with an authoritarian tone and the tall brunet turns around to face me.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Yes, Squad section?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Follow me, quietly”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>We walk down the corridors, to the last floor of the facilities of the squad, everything is dark with all the lights turned off.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Am I in trouble, sir?” </span>
    <span> Eren asks curiously that he may have done something to piss me off I guess.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Oh no really, I’m deeply sorry if I scare you. I just need a good pair of strong arms to carry something” I explain looking up to his face and smile at him one more time, reassuring that there’s nothing to be worried about.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Then you should have brought Mikasa, sir”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“(Y / N), Eren. My name is (Y / N) when we are alone” I repeat, it feels weird to be so formal all the time. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘That’s my main idea but if I leave you and Jeanboy alone, not only Levi is going to kick your ass but mine too in the process’</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>We have an awkward silence while we make our way quietly around the building until we arrive at the door of the warehouse where the groceries for the superior’s meals are stored.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“We should not steal food, Captain Levi always get mad when Sasha tries to sneak in” Eren’s voice sounds a little shaky, like if he’s terrified of the consequences that may come with disobeying Levi’s orders.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I put out a key from my leather jacket and give him a smirk “Don’t worry Eren, I’m a squad section on my own, Levi doesn't have more power than me in the scouts. If he brings it up, you tell him that he can discuss the subject with me”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>That seems to convince him a bit, not entirely thought. I go straight to where the quality tea leaves are kept, Eren, on the other hand, is standing up like a statue at the door of the storage. Meanwhile, I point out a small wooden crate on the top of the cabinets.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Pick up that crate and put inside it what I’m going to tell you, nothing else, nothing more. Understood?” My words left my lips with a clear tone on them, not bossy but confident “Put two pieces of bread and one apple per head and check-in that high cabinets, there must be jam’’s jar. Grab one”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren looks back at me with his mouth open. Jam is only reserved for superior’s breakfast and meals, probably he doesn’t remember the last time he had some. Obedient as he is, the young man complied with my orders fast and effectively. I was smelling the tea leaves that were on different boxes, </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘I’m out for a couple of months and nobody will replace the chamomile tea? Really? I had been out of duty, not dead’ </span>
    </em>
    <span>I think to myself as I smell all the metallic tinny boxes that kept the different tea leaves inside, trying to figure out which one is which. I decide to just pick plain black tea and put the teakettle under the fire. Once everything is on the go, I rest my body on the edge of the cabinets that are next to the stove where the water is being hit for the tea. Eren is holding the box next to his chest, in front of me, and looking down.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“So” I break the silence that is reigning “How are you?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren’s big petrol eyes look up to meet my (E / C) ones before replying, </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘God, he has beautiful eyes’ </span>
    </em>
    <span>I say to myself. “I’m doing good, sir- I mean (Y / N)” he corrects himself after I frown at him.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘This is awkward. . .  let’s smooth things out, shall we?’</span>
    </em>
    <span> I look at my personal cabinet, each superior has one, and I notice part of the smoked pork that I have left from the previous dinner that I didn’t finish and part of what would be my next meal. I grab two dishes, feeling Eren’s big gorgeous eyes following all my movements and I place part of the meat. Finishing my task, I hand him a dish but he doesn’t take it.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Come on Eren, I bet you are dying for it” I keep my hand with the extra dish extended in his direction and eventually the brunette takes it.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Thank you very much, sir” I look at him with tired eyes and a face that says </span>
    <em>
      <span>“really?” </span>
    </em>
    <span>“I mean, (Y / N)”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I can’t contain a smile at his sweetness and I roll my (E / C) eyes at his dorkiness. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘What I would give for being fifteen again’ </span>
    </em>
    <span>I retake my place resting in the cabinet, waiting for the water to boil and I pick one slice of the ham.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Ehm, excuse me but I didn’t know that all superiors have meat for their meals. Our budget may be better than I thought” Eren says with his mouth full and I want to scold him so badly but the kid has finally opened up to me so I bit my tongue.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I laugh dry knowing that I’m the one in charge of the scouts’ budget, “Oh sweetheart, no. Our budget is too tight for that, I bought that meat with my own money”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He seems to want to throw up his meal and turns pale knowing how expensive that kind of treats are but I reassure him that everything is perfect shaking my hand with a tender smile on my face.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“It’s my money Eren and I waste it as I like it, that includes sharing a bit of my meal with you”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“May I ask why you buy it? No offense but you don’t appear to be the kind of person who is two de desperate for food. Like Sasha, she would have taken your arm off if she was here” He comments again with his mouth full of the meat.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘God, manners Eren, manners!’ </span>
    </em>
    <span>Finally, Eren is keeping up with a conversation </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘The best way to win a man’s heart is through his stomach’</span>
    </em>
    <span> I think to myself, remembering my grandmother’s advice. I think what kind of answer I should give him to keep up the chat but not giving up too much information.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“My body could use some extra iron on it, that’s why,” I say and unconsciously my right-hand goes to rest and touches lightly my lower belly.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren’s mind-blowingly pretty eyes do a path between my hand and my face, over and over again. It’s like his head was about to explode trying to connect the dots. It’s like I could almost hear the light in his mind turning on when his eyes expand and he swallows fast the food inside his mouth.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Congratulations!” He screams with his cheeks turning burning red “I will make sure to congratulate the Captain tomorrow morning!”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Now I’m the one who blushed, I choke with my meal and I cough a couple of times.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Oh no no, God forbid! I’m not pregnant” He caught me so out of guard by saying that, </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘Do you imagine Levi’s face if he goes and tells him that I’m expecting? Oh, I would pay for seeing that’ </span>
    </em>
    <span>I laugh so hard that I can barely contain myself. If it was true, how would I explain it? Levi and I haven’t even said the word sex in months.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren’s face is one of someone who is completely lost, so I better inlight him a bit.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“I. . .” but I stop myself, what can I possibly say without making this more complicated than it already is? “I turned out injured from Trost’s battle after the scouts show up to help”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I want to drop the subject there but Eren is a really curious kid “That’s why you had been off duty?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Yep”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“That explains why Levi’s squad was so worried about you! I remember them mentioning that ‘Squad section (Y / N) was trying her best’ or something like that”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Really?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Yes! I was really curious because Eld mentioned that you and the Captain used to train together so I was really looking forward to meeting you. If the Captain trains with you, it’s because you must be amazing at it”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Oh, sorry to disappoint you but I’m not that good, we just train together so we can spend some time together”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“But Eld said that you were really good and that you could be of amazing help in the new expedition to come and he said”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren keeps rambling about Eld and Gunther said this and the other. I lower my head, </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘I don’t want to hear about this, shut the fuck up already Eren’</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Oh really? that’s sweet” I say faking being interested but, suddenly, a question I would like to ask Levi himself pops into my mind. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘I’m sorry Eren, but I’m going to use your sweet innocence in my favor’ </span>
    </em>
    <span>“I’m surprised that you say that you heard about me but you didn’t know that I’m Levi’s partner”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren stops a second to think and frowns, probably realizing that my statement is, indeed, true. “I” he begins but frowns even more “Now that I think of it, I wanted to ask a couple of time why if you were so close to the captain you weren’t part of the squad”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘There we go Eren, spit it out’ </span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Because being part of Levi’s squad was like my dream since I was a kid. I knew all the members by name and how many kills and assistance they did”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘Yeah, stop the rambling and go to the fucking point, kid’</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Yeah” I chuck fakely but he can’t tell that apart “I bet you were, Levi’s squad is such an honor, isn’t it?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I leave my place next to the stove and go and rest my weight on the edge of the cabinet again but this time next to Eren.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Yes! I feel so honored but” Eren stops and his eyes lose that shine that previously has “I felt like I didn’t deserve it and then they. . .”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Oh, don’t worry your pretty mind about it. When I became part of Erwin’s squad I continuously asked myself if I deserve it. Back in the day, being part of Erwin’s squad was like being part of the special operation squad” I try to feel him understood. Once I made sure the topic was not going in another direction that I don’t want to, is time for my next move  “So they talk about me? That’s really shady from them to talk behind my back” I chuckle, letting the poor teen know that I’m not serious about it.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren swallows the last slice of ham and nods, “Yes, but not in a bad way! Eld was the one that talked more but. . .”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“But?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“But then Mss. Petra said that we shouldn’t talk about you when the Captain was around. Eld apparently agreed with her so, they never mentioned you again”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Really? Well, that’s weird because Eld and I were really close friends. I considered him my closest friend from Levi’s team”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘So, they try to keep it to themself. What were you thinking? that if you didn’t bring me up I would magically disappear from everybody’s mind?’</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“And miss. Petra? Weren’t you two close friends?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Well yes, of course” I chuck, tucking a lock of my (H / C) hair behind my ear. “I assumed that you already knew that from my little tale”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>The kettle’s whistle takes our attention, the water is ready. I move back to it, grabbing a napkin in my way to not hurt my hands.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Actually” Eren’s childish voice catches my attention and my (E / C) iris move to the corner of my eyes as if they could take a look at Eren even when I’m giving him my back “Eld mentioned something about not giving more problems to the Captain because he already had enough with yours”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Did he say that? Well, he always was so thoughtful” I reply while preparing the tea for the rest of the team, faking paying attention to the measurements of how many teaspoons of leaves should I use considering how many are waiting back in the watch post.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“You’re still injured? how did it happen? Did a Titan grab you?” Eren throws a question after another. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘Careful now, kid. I enjoy you but be careful. I’m the one doing the questions here, don’t forget that’</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>However, at the end of the day, it was me the one who began this so once you get into the dancefloor you can’t walk away from it, you have to dance. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘And I’m an incredible dancer’</span>
    </em>
    <span> I say inside my mind.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“I suffered an incident” I reply to his questions after I turned around to smile at him, my (E / C) eyes doing an intense but tender contact with the titan shifter’s petrol green ones.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“An incident? did you have problems with your 3DGM?” The teen asks back, not satisfied with my answers.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I go to my personal cabinet that is still open and grab a few caramelized nuts that I usually have when I crave something sweet. “Mhh not really, no” I comment and then I close my little personal store. I make sure that the tea is ready to be served and then I grab the two dishes that we used before. I leave them by the sink, someone else is going to wash them tomorrow morning, probably a cadet.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“I don’t understand if a Titan didn’t hurt you an-” I interrupt Eren’s speech while running my thumb through the corner of his bottom lip and his face light up like a city once the sun goes down.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“You are such a mess, you need to practice your manners for the next formal ball. Now that the queen is our close friend we will be attending a lot of those, you have to be on your best behavior” I explain while sucking my thumb that had a bit of the ham juice never breaking eye contact with Eren. I can even hear him gulp while his cheeks look to turn hotter and hotter. “Understood?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Y-yes”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Oh poor little thing, he doesn’t even know where to look. Any extra question that he probably had is long forgotten.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Let’s head back, the tea is done. Please, Eren bring the crate for the rest”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>He follows what I say so obediently that makes me want to pat his head. We leave the warehouse and I close the door behind me. Eren is about to begin his way back but I stop him.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Here,” I say, putting the caramelized nuts inside the pocket of his leader jacket. “Something tells me that you have a sweet tooth”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Y-yes but-”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“No buts! enjoy being spoiled a little bit” my smile brings back the reddish color that his cheeks were losing “However, this has to be our little secret. I don’t want any of the rest thinking that I am playing favorites here, ok?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren is nervous and I can tell, “Sure” he replies.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“And I don’t think I have to tell you that Levi doesn’t like that I spoil his squad, so that’s part of our secret too, right?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Yeah, sure”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>‘Good boy, Eren. Good boy’</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Now we really begin our way back to the rest, I am taking the tray with the tea set on it while Eren carries the rest of the treats for the rest. We smart-talk a bit in the way but nothing really serious.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Once we arrive, the rest are already sit down in their respective places and I tell Eren that he should distribute.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Jam?!” Sasha screams but everybody tells her to lower her voice with an ‘Shh’ motion “Sorry, you are the best (Y / N)!”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“You’re welcome, darling”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I try to sit down with the tray but I am doubling my capabilities of balance to not spit any burning tea with my ramshackle injured body. Eren, notice this and turn around with an angry expression on his cute face.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Jean! don’t you fucking see that she needs a hand? stop eating and be useful for once”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Jean is eating a slice of bread with jam on it as if his life depends on it. “Huh?! Don’t talk to me like you’re my mother”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“You should listen to her more often Jean-boy”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“OK! enough of it!” My clear voice made the two teens stop and lower their sight. I may be short but I am the adult here, I am going to be the one that they respect. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘At the end of the day, I’m a squad section and they should respect me as so’</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Do you want Commander Erwin to come around and ask me what the hell is going on here? mh?” My rhetorical question made all of them cease the noise. “I didn’t hear you?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“No, sir”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Good. Behave from now on or I’m going to get mad and, believe me, if you think that Levi is terrifying when he is angry, you haven’t met me on my worst”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren goes back to his job and Jean leaves his bread next to his leg and takes the try so I can sit down between him and the empty spot that Eren would fill later on.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“So, shall we begin?”</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <span>Part of the following I’m going to tell it considering what we, the higher-ups, commented years later during our late night talks. Since I wasn’t there, I can’t tell 100% sure that it happened like I’m going to say but, deal with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nana, oh my sweet lovely Nana. She wasn’t mad that I was crying my eyes off, no. She was furious! Nanaba had always been tall and strong enough to beat up almost all the guys in the scouts who would dare to even look at her considering that she was dating Mike. Mike, back in the day, had been considered to be Humanity’s strongest soldier before Levi took that title from him. The tall blonde with gorgeous turquoise eyes was my first new friend when I arrived at the scouts, I was from the north training camp while she was from the south one. We met when she became my roommate and we shared  the bucked bed. I can proudly say that I was the one who set her up with Mike and my lovely friend always had been grateful for that. It seems like I had always been good to set people up but not so much when it came around keeping my own dates, sadly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was so lost in my tears that I didn’t notice when Nifa came into the room and replaced Nanaba by rubbing my back while I teared up. My best friend, on the other hand, picked up the papers that I’d threw into the rubbish can and made her way to the mess-hall again, certain shorty was going to hear she up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike, Hange, and Erwin were having their respective meals at the superior’s tables in the dining room, the commander was there. The tall blond girl entered the room that was full of people at that moment, everybody talking about whatever they were talking about with the rest. Her midday sky blue eyes scanned the room, her eyes met the greenish blue ones from her actual boyfriend, he smiled back at her and naturally she would have gone to sit down next to him but not that night, no. Nanaba had to find another man, a way shorter man than her boyfriend. So she did, on the other side of the dining room, sitting down alone was Levi, enjoying his meal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This was the last straw! I’ve turned a blind eye on you for a while because (Y / N) is a ray of sunshine and she doesn’t want any problems but you cross a fucking line buddy” Nanaba made her presence well known when she stood up in front of Levi’s seat, who was trying to finish his supper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Levi commented later on in our relationship, “I was sat down there, enjoying the fucking piece of shit that they served me as a meal when a blond mountain came screaming and shouting to me”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Levi’s gray bullet eyes made contact with Nana’s blue ones, Mike knew something was odd since the moment his girlfriend came back to the mess hall. The amazingly tall squad leader was going to stand up to see what was the deal, he didn’t have any bad blood going on with the short future to be captain but if the raven-haired guy did something to his girlfriend, oh boy he was in a problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard me, you made my friend cry and I want to know what is your fucking problem with her!” Nanaba shouted at Levi’s face and suddenly the dining room was quiet as everybody kept their mouth closed to hear what was going on. Each second that passed, more heads turned around to see what was the deal, even Commander Shadis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only thing that was sounding was the repetitive question from the rest of the cadets “what’s going on? isn’t that the guy from the underground? What did he do now? Nanaba said friend, right? she means (Y / N)? Oh god, if that filthy bastard hurt our princess he is in a fucking problem!; Shut up! I’m trying to hear! etc etc etc”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heard me out, brat. If miss spoiled-ass sends you to do her dirty work then I recommend you to fucking go back and tell her to grow some guts. Plus, if that pathetic little pampered girl has a problem with me, she better comes and says so in my shitty face instead of sending her fucking bodyguards. 'Cause I don’t have any fucking problem with you or your big ass boyfriend and I plan to make it stay in that way”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Levi remained seated but his gaze was hard to keep. Erwin who had successfully kept Mike from stepping into the picture couldn’t do it anymore when the tallest blond stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, YOU heard me out. I’m done with your attitude, (Y / N) may be a saint and have a lot of patience for you but I don’t. I am not going to allow you to talk to her in the way that you fucking did. So you better go and apologize to her or-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or what? Are you going to pick up a fight with me? because I’m not scared of kicking the living shit out of you” Levi was not raising but his voice tone changed, the tension in the room was raising like boiling milk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I, on the other hand, was washing my face in the shared bathroom, trying to calm myself down. Suddenly, when the towel was still covering my face that was already dry but I was trying to focus on the relaxing feeling of the texture of it against my bare skin, I realized that the facilities of the survey corps were . . . quite</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too quiet</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suspiciously quiet for the time that it was, when everybody should be at the dining room enjoying their meals. Usually, the mess hall would be such a mess at that time of the day that I could hear the </span>
  <span>hustle even from the female barracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Something’s  wrong’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nifa? Where is Nana?” I pop one's head out from the door frame that connects our bathroom with the sleeping quarters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ahh,” Nifa was sweating so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is Nanaba?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She told me not to tell you”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was all I needed to rush out of the door, I ran so fast through the corridors that I almost tripped and fell a couple of times but I didn’t. Once I arrived, my (E / C) landed right away on my friend, Levi, who was already standing up ready to fight back if it was necessary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hurry to set my tiny body between my tall friend and my not so tall partner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t do it, Nana! just drop it” I said the first thing that came into my mind but nevertheless it was already too late, everybody had already seen the scene, hurtful comments had been made from both parties and I was about to fucked up even bigger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing that my friend was not going to ease up anytime soon, I tried to calm her down but, oh god, it was what blew everything out of proportion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is not worth it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you say, brat?” And just like that Levi grabbed with his strong hands the neck of my leather jacket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘He is going to hit me!’ I thought so I closed my (E / C) eyes waiting for the impact but it never came, all the opposite the tight grip around my neck slightly ceased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough of this” Erwin’s deep voice arrived to my ears and that gave me the courage to open one of my eyes to see what was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of Erwin’s big hands were grabbing Levi’s wrist, the one that belonged to the arm that was holding me and he was pushing it down, erasing the grip that he had on me. The other arm was extended and resting on Levi’s shoulder, pushing him away from me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately after I came back to my senses, I gave two steps backward and practically high behind Erwin’s towering body. However, this seemed to piss Levi off even more but the future commander of the scouts seems to be even more pissed than him. Nana was being held by Mike, the rest of the superiors (including commander Shadis) was looking at the scene that we made with not friendly eyes toward Erwin who, in the end, was responsible for both of us and, if looks could kill, I would have been already four meters under earth. Levi’s bullet gray eyes fixed on me like a dog who is gonna jump at his prey the moment that his owner set him free.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An entire month of stable duty, for both of you” our superior gave us the punishment and then the order “Dismissed, to your quarters”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My dark-haired partner was the one who walked away first, not before pushing Erwin’s hand off of him. He did his walk of shame through the mess-hall where everybody was watching him leave with no so friendly eyes but the short man, despite his petite frame, held his head high like if he couldn’t care less what others could say or think of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could feel Erwin’s blue eyes fixed on me, making me feel so small. I gathered the courage to look up and found his orbs with my (E / C) ones, part of my hair covering my face. But this time there wasn’t any smile or tenderness or nothing close to waiting for me in his glance, his thick eyebrows almost touching each other. I lowered my head and walked out of there, I wanted to disappear and I couldn’t find any drop of self-dignity for raising my eyes that were fixed in the ground under my feet. My ears listened as I left the place, the voice of the Commander asking Erwin “what the fuck was that Erwin? I thought you had it under control, you better have a good excuse for that”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t think I need to tell you that we failed our mid-terms that took place the following week, we were the only couple that failed as if the humiliation wasn’t enough. I could hear everybody’s whispers as I passed by.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What else could happen? Dear Shina, Maria, and Rose; What else could you probably want from me?’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I thought while I prepared myself for the late-night stable duty that I was heading down to. But someone placed a hand on my shoulder, a gentle hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N)” Moblit voice echo in my mind, bringing me back to reality “Squad leader Hange would like to have a word with you”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” I said and followed him around, to Hange’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moblit smiled at me but I couldn’t find any pinch of happiness inside my exhausted body to return the gesture. He was walking next to my left side, his light brown eyes never left the top of my head as we walked by. He wasn’t the tallest man around but he appeared taller next to me. The brunette’s right arm found his place on the bottom of my back, almost trying to urge me to open up to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, if you need to talk to someone. I’m always here, alright?” Moblit reassured me. Moblit and I were around the same age, him being slightly older but his place in Hange’s squad was practically the same as mine in Erwin’s but I didn’t have that much responsibility yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before I could even think twice if it was a good idea, I locked up Moblit’s middle section around my arms and buried my face in his chest. I bet a person or two passed around and looked at us. Moblit’s sweet and tender personality was everything I needed, he corresponded to the embrace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything is going to be alright,” He said, patting my (H / C) hair slowly, almost as if he was scared of breaking me into a billion little pieces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if it would be”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Hange made me do tea for you. She is not mad, she just wants to talk. You have my word”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So as that, we return to our walk to Hange’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I sat down on the couch that was full of papers and books of the mess that Hange called (and still calls) her quarters. I barely had space to sit and the dark brown-haired woman found her place next to me. She raised up her glasses from her eyes and rested them on the top of her messy haircut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think, we need to talk about a certain man that we both know”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have nothing to say about Levi” my words were fast and precise as I heard the thunders sounding in the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hange sighed loudly, throwing her upper body back to rest on the red chenille sofa. It wasn’t that late into the evening to be true to the story but the heavy black clouds that were haggling on the top of all of us in the sky were making it look like it was already midnight. The cold and strong wind hit the window’s office continuously and without rest, making a noise that sounded like whistling.  I couldn’t stop myself to turn to the window while Hange seemed to be thinking about what she was going to say next. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Winter is here’</span>
  </em>
  <span> I thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not talking about shorty, (Y / N)” Hange’s statement made me rapidly turn back to her. I frowned, wondering about who could she probably be talking about. “I’m talking about Erwin”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I didn’t see that coming’</span>
  </em>
  <span> I thought, I was about to joke back but Hange’s stare made me feel insecure. I raised the cup of tea that was resting in my legs to my reddish lips and drank almost all of it at once. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘This is bad, if Hange is serious then I am in trouble’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N), you know that I respect you a lot and I see you as the little sister I never had” the squad leader began her speech as if she was going to give me a lecture about my school report “And knowing that I’m the oldest of your, you could say friends. I feel the responsibility to tell you that you don’t know what you are getting yourself into while keeping a relationship with Erwin”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Oh no, I’m not going to hear a lecture about what I do or what I don’t do in my personal life’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>My blood was boiling and I don’t know why I got so angry in such a short period.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? Did you give the same speech to Nanaba when she began to date Mike? because if it’s about the age gap, I must tell you that Mike is older than Erwin if you didn’t know” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m perfectly aware of the age of my close friend, thank you” Hange snapped back, she was not playing games. “Hear me out, I know how things are when you are seventeen. You think you have your life figure out and military force us to grow faster but in some topics, you are still-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I raised out of my seat completely furious about this conversation “Still what? A fucking brat?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N), please sit down”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, everybody seems to be able to tell in my bloody face whatever they please but (Y / N)? No, (Y / N)’s a good girl who will listen quietly like a mouse!” I was already screaming and everybody knows that the first one who shouts in an argument, is the one who is losing it “What Erwin and I do of our relationship is none of your business”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s my business if I know that things will not turn out good for you”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t ask your opinion on the matter!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N), Erwin is not over Marie yet!” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Ouch, that hurt’ </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>If you don’t know who Marie is, then allow me to enlighten you. Maire was a maiden from a bar that Nile and Erwin used to go to when they were younger when Nile was still part of the scouts. Erwin and Marie had something going on but it didn’t work out when she wanted him to put his job to a side for having a proper relationship with her. Nile replaced Erwin’s place as Marie’s man and gave her what Erwin couldn’t, a proper family inside of the walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is” my voice went out as a whisper “We’re together now and I will never ask him to put his job as the future commander aside for me, I understand what it means to him. .  that’s why”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why he is not scared of you walking away, because (Y / N)’s a good girl,” She said mimicking my own words</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare to call me like that, I’m not a girl!” Tears were accumulating in the corner of my (E / C) eyes, ready to expose me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N), you know that I adore you but you are losing your mind if you think that this is a good idea” Hange placed her hands on both of my arms, looking down at me and rubbing her hands up and down on my arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I snapped her hands off of me and my eyes were full of anger when they made contact with the deep brown of the mad scientist. “Erwin said that he wants me, he even wants me as his plus one to a party”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The older of the two was losing her patience “Really? Did he say that he wants </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>? ” She made an emphasis on the last word.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Not really but I bet it is what he meant. . . right?’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because that’s not what he told me”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her words did echo in my mind and all my certainty washed away like leaves pushed by the winter's wind.  The first drops of the announced and expected rain hit the glass of the office’s window. I was losing my growth and I lost the battle when I couldn’t contain myself to ask back “What did he tell you? Because he said that he wants to keep it private so. . .” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hange shook her head and chuckled dry, “If you are so sure about your relationship, then why are you doubling at the first sight”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I rushed my way to the door, angry at her and myself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you think I have enough on my plate for you to play mind games with me too?” I asked back before leaving, my hand already around the golden latch of the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too? who is playing mind games with you?” Hange raised an eyebrow to my question and my mouth opened up but nothing else was said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked away from there, exhausted both, mentally and physically, I made my way to the stables where my last duty of the day was waiting for me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I arrived completely soaked to the stables, the rain was cold as if it was pure ice what it was falling from the sky and the wind was so strong. Most of the horses were scared of the heavy rain and the loud thunders. Everything was clean no, the following. Definitely, Levi had already been there doing his ‘part of the job’ but he was no were to be found once I arrived. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Because I’m late for talking with Hange about something that’s none of her business’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to make sure that the horses were reassured for the night, giving them food and water, and looking if something else needed to be clean. It took a big amount of effort for me to not fall asleep right there while feeding the horses that were terrified of the awful weather.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span>“Ok, quick question!” I say while looking at the entire group of teens that surround me, they’ve been awfully quiet and not even blinking to listen to me “What is the main rule of stable duty?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Eren, Jean, Armin, and Sasha raise their hands enthusiastically, Mikasa does it but with less energy, Connie is still thinking.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Sasha? Girls first”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Make sure to not eat the carrots that are for the horses?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>Everybody chuckles including me, “No sweetheart, but nice try. Eren?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Locking horse-face inside it so he spends the night with the rest of his kind?” Eren barely contains his smirk while trying to finish the sentence.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“What did you say, suicide bastard?” Jean shouts back at the titan boy and even I laugh at his joke. </span>
    <em>
      <span>‘Oh god, I think I’m going to cry’</span>
    </em>
    <span> I grab my belly who hurt my accident even more while I was laughing. </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“No, but, I will keep it in mind” I reply, cleaning the tears from the corner of my eyes.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Squad section!” Jean doesn’t seem to enjoy the joke as much as I did.</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>I clear my throat and then I carry on “Armin?”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Making sure that the main door that keeps the horses inside is well secured for the night”</span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <span>“Bingo!”</span>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The main door of the stables is heavy and hard to close, mainly because the large wooden bloke used to properly close the doors is too big for only one person. I did the best I could, considering my height and how tired I was. I walked away to my bed, I only wanted to sleep. I took a shower because I was completely wet from the storm that seemed to get worse and worse. My roommates tried to ask me if I would like to join them in a late-night card game, but I didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I just want to sleep, wake up and everything will be better. I want the world to stop for a couple of hours so I don’t have to worry about anything. Just a couple of hours. . .’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was deep into the night when a strong shake on my left shoulder woke me up. The room was completely dark and my almost close (E / C) eyes were trying to see anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N)!” Nanaba’s desperate tone did the trick to finally wake me up completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? what’s going on? Are you ok?” I sat down on my bed and hit my forehead with the top bed of the bucked bed. I placed my right hand where it most hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Commander Shadis said that want to see you asap!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wants what?” I asked back “what time is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wants to see you asap! you better be going, he was furious!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, but what fucking time is it?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like 4 am”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>My brain was trying to process everything and then, the strongest thunder that I had ever heard in my life broke through the window, stunning my ears and lightening the room. I jumped in my place and I didn’t even bother putting on my uniform, my hair messier than usual because I went to bed with it still wet for the shower, my bare feet against the cold marble floor of the facilities of the Survey Corps and a pink warm fleece blanket that usually rested at the bottom of my bed around my shoulder. The lightning and thunder illuminating my way in the middle of the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>My feet were so cold that it hurt, my lungs were trying to catch up with my rhythm but they couldn’t. The air was freezing, so much that it was painful when it hit my throat while I was breathing. However, I made it to the Commander’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I knocked three times, I was trying to catch my breath for replying when someone directly opened the door. I looked inside and Levi was resting his weight on the right wall of the office, he only had his white trousers and a plain black t-shirt on. His strong arms folded in front of his chest and his cute little rebel dark locks falling into his gray eyes while he kept his glance down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I entered the room and then I noticed that the person that opened the door was Erwin who was out of his uniform wearing more comfortable clothes. Commander Shadis was in the same state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what the fuck did you do cadet?” Shadis asked while looking at me.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘If I say yes, will he order me to say it? because I don’t have a fucking idea”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I opened my mouth like a fish that had been taken out of the water but no actual words were formulated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Five horses in perfect and amazing conditions had gone missing because you didn’t fulfill your duty correctly!” He shouted back at me, all of you probably know better than me how wide Shadis can be as a superior.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and that rat from that trap heat got in my last nerve” Shadis golden eyes were so intense that it felt like he was reading my mind and he was screaming so loud that I couldn’t even think.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he referred to Levi, my male partner just looked up without moving his head, only his light eyes. Shadis didn’t seem to care about his dead glance and I wanted to ask him to teach me how he did it because each time Levi look at me like that my legs became jelly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fucked happened? This midget said that you were not there when he was fulfilling his punishment”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speak loud and clear, I don’t have all the fucking night Cadet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sir! I was talking with Squad leader Hange” I replied feeling terrified, three tall- I mean, two tall men and Levi were in the room and I felt insignificant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The strong storm kept raging on, while I stay there. I was shaking inside a really cold room, bare feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About?” Erwin talked for the first time in the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-personal issues, sir” I slightly turn around to my left where Erwin was sat down on an armchair, resting his elbows in his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you were lounging around,” the oldest man in the room said while massaging his temples.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, that’s not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up, it was not a damn question”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately I closed my mouth and lowered my head as a submissive act.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long and uncomfortable silence, the only noise that could be heard was the distance thunders and the blowing wind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will work extra hours to pay for the damages and the money will be taken for your salary” Erwin explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t receive a fucking salary, yet” Levi’s deep voice made its appearance for the very first time in the late-night meeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Right, you don’t get a salary until a full year of service in the survey corps. Not that the salary of a cadet is good either but it’s something’  </span>
  </em>
  <span>I thought while realizing that Levi had only been part of the Scouts for more or less half a year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, your pathetic ass cannot pay for it. That’s why you two will be house-sitting the former headquarters of the survey corps during the winter break, making sure any dirty thugs get inside” The commander explained and I looked up to him in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to be fucking kidding me” everybody turned around to look at me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Fuck, I said that out loud?’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Just when I was about to ask if that was even legal, the commander dismissed all of us from his office. Because apparently everything has been said and done. If Levi almost beat the living shit out of me when we were surrounded by people I cannot imagine what is he going to do with the two of us completely alone in a huge castle.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘When I joined the survey corps, I was ready to die in the hands of a gigantic monster, not by a short jerk. Oh well, goodbye everybody I gotta go. I will miss all of you, except you Levi. You can go an fuck yourself as far as I care’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Just when I was about to ask if I could go back to the warmth of my bed, Erwin spoke up “To my office, we need to discuss something”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘What’s wrong with everybody tonight? don’t you want to go back to sleep? just me? I don’t like to show off my capabilities but, give me a blanket and a pillow and I'm knocked off’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of us, Levi and I, followed the tall blond to his office. Levi looked like he had a fight with his hairbrush, his usual straight, and polished dark locks were in that moment as a complete mess. If his silver-gray eyes usually had heavy dark circles under them, at that precise moment I could have asked him to give me his eyeliner mark of how dark they were.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘If he looks like that, I don’t want to even begin to imagine how I look’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I thought and I couldn’t contain the laugh. It sounded even louder considering that it was the middle of the night and there was no real noise in the corridors at that hour. Perhaps it was because I hadn’t slept good in weeks, maybe it was the stress or it could have been that Erwin seemed pissed and I knew that my mental state couldn’t take another stroke. But I couldn’t stop laughing, I covered my mouth with my hand and bitted my bottom lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great, the fucking brat lost her marbles,” Levi said with a raspy voice, deeper than his usual. Probably because the dark-haired man had just been ripped out of his shared bed in the male barracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin turned around, raising one of his thick eyebrows as a silent way of questioning “what the fuck is wrong with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another office, another high-up pissed at us. Erwin’s hair was not as perfectly placed, as usual, he sat down on his armchair that is between the big window of the bottom of the room and his wooden desk. I had been there too many times to keep count. However, there was nothing elegant in the way that Erwin found his place on his usual chair, oh no. It was as if he had left himself to drop in the seat. One of his large hands ran through his light locks, even though he knew that it was already a mess so there was no point in trying to keep the hairstyle. Our superior sighed loudly and rubbed his tired baby blue eyes with the thumb and index finger of the hand that was previously tangled around his blond hairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Levi took the silence of, only God knew what was Erwin thinking on, as an invitation to sit down on the sofa at the right side of the office. I decided to follow the two men’s path and found myself a place to rest a bit. To be more precise, the chair that was in front of Erwin’s desk but I moved slightly to the left so wasn’t giving my back to Levi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The more time Erwin remained in silence, the more I felt the anxiety rising in my body. I felt like I was going to pass out in any second and the tall man did his move, He grabbed a letter from the corner of his desk, the desk that I had cleaned the morning before and was already looking like a mess. . .  again. Erwin pushed the piece of paper in my direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Court summons” He clarified as if it was obvious that I didn’t know what the paper was about. “They want you as a witness of Levi’s behavior at the military considering that the team failed horribly. It arrived last time yesterday”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>First time in my life that I saw Levi being one of the two of us who was showing more emotions. Erwin was resting his head in his hand but his eyes were closed, probably because he had a headache or by too sleepy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to testify in his favor, right?” I wondered while reading the letter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are putting me in a trial?” Levi asked Erwin, I could tell that the news woke him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes and yes” Erwin’s eyes kept shut like he was too tired  . .  of us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will do my best, I will not let you down,” I said, folding the letter back to the original state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the least I expect after the major failure that the team has been so far,” Erwin said but this time his blue eyes showed up and read both of us “Care to explain what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of us answered, silence was the answer to the future commander in line’s question. I lowered my head again, for the second time in that early morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both of you talked plenty in the mess hall last week, a mind-blowing performance by the way” The adjectives he used to describe last week incident were positive but the tone in them was not. “However, now none of you want to talk”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin picked up a pile of papers that were, apparently, our results. “Almost half an hour of difference between Levi’s 3DMG speed test and (Y /N)’s. Reasons?” He looked up again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s slow,” Levi answered first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s an asshole” I snapped back looking at Levi and our eyes met.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin’s blue eyes went back and forth between me and Levi and raised his eyebrows as a reply to our ‘Explanation’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was done with this, I felt like I didn’t deserve this humiliation. This was not my fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With all the respect, sir. It’s not my fault that the team failed, Levi never had the intention of working with me. Individually, I passed all the sections. Levi, on the other hand, failed the written exam” I explained, feeling that I was finally being honest with him while I felt Levi’s gray eyes never leaving me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I was expecting that Erwin would turn to examine Levi but he didn’t, my superior in charge kept his sapphire eyes fixed on me without saying a single word for a couple of minutes. I felt the desperation rising,</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘Say something’.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“(Y / N), when we go out on an expedition and it fails. Who’s the person that assumes the responsibility? a cadet that failed to kill a couple of titans?” Erwin’s voice was quiet, almost like he had all the time of the world to answer me,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The commander, sir” I answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mh, do you know why that is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he is the person in charge?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, indeed. When a team fails, it’s not because one member of the team is complicated to handle” He made a pause and kept going “A team fails because the leader is unable to fulfill his or her job, that is. . ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leading”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Correct” The blond man was so peaceful, so gentle “Now, answer me. When you filled the forms for the team, in which gap did you put your name in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I bitted my bottom lip, I was not going to cry there but I knew exactly where this was going. I did my best to not let my voice break, “The lead, sir”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You make her the leader?” Levi’s pissed voice drained the unilateral attention that Erwin was giving me on that early morning. “You were insane if you expect me to follow around what that shitty brat says”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, Levi would never do what I tell him! I can’t be a leader of a person who doesn’t listen to me” I tried to make him understand that I couldn’t fulfill such a task. I was going to add something else but Erwin raised his hand, silencing my following complaint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So let me get this straight. If one day you are in charge of a team outside of the walls or, even more, commander of the scouts and the mission is not going as you planned and nobody is listening to you, your strategy would be. . what? quit because they don't pay you attention? "</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I felt like a kid that was sitting down for a lecture, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>a lecture from my almost-boyfriend’</span>
  </em>
  <span> I remember thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are right, Levi failed in teamwork and the written exam but it was your responsibility to make it work” Apparently Erwin was completely awake, as he rested his elbows on his desk and intertwined his fingers. The storm was still rushing outside but I was no longer watching the drops felt on the window. I kept my head down, I was doing my very best to keep my composure but I didn’t have any more strength in me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t tell anymore what was Levi doing but he was surprisingly quiet, I wondered why. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I bet he’s enjoying this’</span>
  </em>
  <span> I thought, containing the tears but my body was beginning to shake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t need you to prove to me that you can fulfill desk work or do a good time with the 3DMG, I already know all that. If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be in my squad” my squad leader added “I wanted you to prove to me that you could be a leader”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eyebrows” Levi’s calm and deep voice interrupted Erwin’s speech.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You failed, that’s what happened,” Erwin said his last words and finished me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eyebrows, leave the fucking kid to go” Levi talked again his usual cold tone was nowhere to be found, instead it sounds almost sweet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Do you remember that I said that I felt like I was going to pass out? I was almost sure of that at that moment, my whole body was shaking from keeping the tears inside. That or because I was freezing to death, I couldn't feel my tiptoes anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are dismissed, try to catch some rest for court later on, and remember to prepare the essential to move into the castle once the winter break begins” Erwin’s voice was collected and peaceful as if he hadn’t just destroyed me there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Levi raised from his place fastly and went next to me. He grabbed my forearm and pushed me up of my seat “Come on brat, get your shit together”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I walked behind Levi who was still pushing me to the main door of the office but I stopped before leaving. I tried to find that sapphire blue eyes that I liked so much in the empty room as if I wanted to give myself the last stroke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin was serving himself a glass of water and probably felt my glance on him, so he looked up. My (E / C) eyes made contact with his blue ones one last time that extremely early morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on brat, let’s fucking go” Levi tried to convince me to leave, pushing slightly from my arm where his grip was strong. The short man could have taken me out by force of that room but he wasn’t using real strength in his tugs, perhaps he didn’t want to force me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you mad at me?” I asked the man with whom I had an ongoing relationship back then. This time, my question was not for my squad leader or future commander inline or any kind of label for that matter. It was a question to the man I was having more than a professional relationship with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Erwin frown, probably not expecting my question “No” He said and he could have left it there as I could have gone out of the room with some grace still on me but he had to fucking add “No, I’m not mad. Only highly disappointed”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucking shit Erwin, for real?” Levi asked back but I nodded and walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘My brother was right, I never leave well enough alone’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>I thought while walking down the corridors bare feet, it was still dark outside because the nights were long and the days short during that season. There was nobody awake, something that surprised me and the clock of the common areas announced that it was just 5 am. It felt like an eternity but it had only been one hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘The longest hour of my entire life’</span>
  </em>
  <span> I said inside my head but something made me turn around, that something was Levi making his way to me. I didn't have any strength left in me to deal with him. I was ready to walk away from him, I just wanted to be alone and in my bed for at least a couple more minutes. Oh but the female barracks were on the completely opposite side of the facilities, I had a long way to go and it was so cold and dark,<br/>"Wait fucking there," Levi said and I looked at him with my watery eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you want from me? huh?" I asked back, perhaps faking being sure of myself but my voice gave me away, that I wasn't fine at all "If you want to make fun of me, at least wait until I sleep a bit"<br/>"Tch, half of the guys who are patrolling at this hour are more desperate than a bitch in heat" Levi said, his hands were inside his pockets probably trying to keep them warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So fucking move, I'm freezing to death here"</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm back! hello~ I hope you are doing amazing.<br/>There's not much to add to this chapter, I wanted to thanks for all the kudos and comments! I adore comments, I swear, they give me life!<br/>If any of you want to read one-shots that I write or talk to me about Snk or this story, feel free to found me on Tumblr. I'm pretty active there. (https://lucysarah-c.tumblr.com/)<br/>Please, take care, and thank you for reading.<br/>XOXO</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. State of Grace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Love it’s a ruthless game unless you play it good and right. . . and neither of us were playing fair.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>(Y / N) = Your name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(L / N) = Last name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(E / C) = Eye colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>(H / C) = Hair colour</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just for the story's narrative, you are going to be just a little bit shorter than Levi. I set Levi's age to be 30 and your age 23 when Eren joined the scouts (considering that that happened during the year 850 and Attack on Titan: no regrets is set during 844) So Levi will be 24 when the real story begins and you will be 17 years old.</em>
</p><p>Disclaimer<em> :</em></p><p>
  <em>I don’t own the characters here presented, they belong to Hajime Isayama. The only thing that belongs to me is the idea of the story.</em>
</p><hr/><p>I would be able to count with the fingers of a single hand the number of times that I feel completely ashamed in my life. Times that I had felt sad? too many to count. Worried? The same. Happy? sometimes. However, those moments that I’ve felt like hiding myself and nobody seeing me until they forget about my face or my mistakes (whatever happens first) are really counted. Something worse than feeling like that? It was that Levi was with me, the guy I only dealt with because I HAD to, not because I WANTED to. If there’s a single detail every damned soul in these tiny little walls should know about me, it’s that I’m a drama queen and holding my feelings inside me has never been my strength.</p><p>Erwin had just sat me down, lecture me and seen me weak. I fell and hit my face with the playground during break time and the whole world has just seen me fail, seen me fallible, laughed at me while I was learning my life lessons. It was such a torture to know, it gnaws me from inside like an unknown illness, that the world that had witnessed my fall from the pedestal had a name. That world was Levi. This for me was such a shameful event that had marked me forever as a deep scar that reminisced me of this event even in my most intimate moments. Levi, the guy whose calligraphy was unintelligible, the short man who could barely behave around the superior, the black-haired partner that shouldn’t even be called a partner, and I could go on and on about how this was stabbing me again and again. A dagger that was spiking until the bottom of my pride. His pathetic audacity of all the sudden dare of behaving like a good boy, it humiliated me. He took my pride, buried it and spit on its grave. ‘He could have tried to be a better person months ago, he could have tried to be a better version of himself since day one. But now? now it’s too late my darling’</p><p>I couldn't tell apart if I was shaking from the freezing temperatures or from the wrath that was travelling through my body. I was about to burst from the impotence of not being able to scream at the face of the man that I actually wanted an explanation from. My broken pride wasn’t the only thing that was about to explode, my tiredness hit the bottom and detonated as a grenade becoming a wildfire named rage. So a second fact about my personality that you should know is that when I erupt, I blow things out of proportion. The entire walls wouldn’t be able to hold inside of them the size of how out of proportion I blow things up.</p><p>My tired (E / C) eyes fixed on the frozen marble floor under my bare feet. “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked the man that was next to me that night.</p><p>“What does it look like I’m doing, brat? Walking you” Levi’s dark messy locks moved slightly while his head turned to his left side to see me when I broke the silence that was reigning until that moment.</p><p>“I don’t need your pity” I spitted out each word as if they had been held inside of my mouth for years.</p><p>“Tch” That was all as I was just another thing for him to roll his eyes at.</p><p>“I don’t need a self-absorbed attitude. If there was anything that I needed from you was not to be a damn jerk to me but that’s exactly how you behaved” I shouted my words like if they were the daggers that I had been preparing for an actual fight that I had been postponing since day one. I stopped my way to the female barracks and turned to my right side to face him. “It’s too late for you to come around and look like a nice guy. Too fucking late! The simple fact that the shape of your body is next to me, it’s so frustrating. So turn around and go straight to hell”</p><p>“What’s your fucking problem? If you’re mad because your boyfriend treated you like pig piss it’s not my shitty fault. I’m doing you a fucking favour, so you’re fucking welcome, ungrateful brat” Levi’s deep voice wasn’t raised like mine, probably because there’s rare the occasion when he does it and because it was the middle of the night. The last thing we needed was another punishment. However, even if his tone was the same, his thin dark eyebrows were getting close to each other while he frowned.</p><p>“A favour? since when have you done me a favour? It’s you and your pathetic attitude that drags us to this situation” My (H / C) hair falling into my face without the grace and the polish way it usually did when I had the chance to style it. And then my voice began to tremble, I felt the burning sensation raising my (E / C) eyes and then the knot that I was trying to hold in my throat became harder and tighter. “W-what’s your damn problem with me? What’ve I done to you for treating me like this?”</p><p>“Wait” Levi’s tone drastically changed while he tried to take a better look at my face with the little light that was in that corridor “Are you crying?”</p><p>‘I had to hold my ground, no tears right now’ I encourage myself to not let my emotions blow up as tears and convert my frustration into a rightful argument. “That’s not the point right now, I’ve wanted to ask you this since the beginning of the training. What’s your problem with me? Why do you behave like this with me? What could I probably have done for you to treat me in the way that you do?” I shout one question after another, without giving him a chance to actually answer to me.</p><p>The intention of trying to reply was written in his pale complexion however my “intention” was to finally be able to vent and then perhaps get some answer. But first, I wanted to be able to speak up, because Levi always had the chance of shouting in my face whatever he felt like but no, this was my time to complain, my time to talk, my chance to sit someone down and made them listen.</p><p>“I would have helped you out with that stupid test, I would have done it without a second thought. I would have stayed up all night long for the full previous week of the exam for the sake of teaching you everything that you were missing. But no, you treat me like shit, like if I was a rug where you can step on and clean your dirty boots” If from the entire group of the superiors you would ask, who is the worst person to pick up an argument with, the answer is me. Because my words shout to kill when I’m mad and I was just beginning with him.</p><p>“ What the fu-“</p><p>“No, I always have to listen to your complaints. So now you listen” I cut him before the dark-haired shot man could add any word. “Do you actually understand what is at stake? I understand that you were brought here kicking and shouting but what’s the deal with you, do you want to go back down there?”</p><p>I took a deep breath and sigh loudly, my (E / C) orbs that had been fixed on Levi’s light grey ones that looked even more shiny silver in the middle of the darkness of the night travelled back to the ground while I analysed my next step of my rambling.</p><p>“I don’t understand why you are doing this but I’m tired, no, I’m exhausted from this ridiculous fight. So this is me waving a white flag, I want someone to call a referee and put an end to this” I suddenly felt the tiredness of having been taken out of my warm bed and the training getting the best of me. “You know, there’s a huge chance that you don’t even believe in me but tomorrow I’m gonna win that trial because I know that I can do it. You’ll probably not even gonna thank me for it and-“</p><p>“I don’t need you to do anything for me, so I don’t care or want you to testify tomorrow during that shitty trial full of those well-raised bastards” Levi’s voice resonated in the hall where we were standing, it looks raspy and deeper than before.</p><p>“Oh no, that’s where you are wrong. I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing it for myself” My answer came out as fast as he’s statement was done because my decision has largely been made.</p><p>“What the actual fuck you mean with that? Do you think you can use this to threaten me? You’ve shit in your brain if you even consider that I will fall for your tricks like the rest do” Levi’s previous attitude was long forgotten. His behaviour that seemed calm and almost</p><p>charming (‘or at least is what he was trying to make me believe but I don’t trust him’ I thought) left the conversation.</p><p>“What tricks? What threats? Do you even listen to what actually leaves your mouth?” I rhetorically questioned. I couldn’t understand why someone to whom I hadn’t done anything at all, or at least that I could recall, could think so little of me. “You see, this is what I’m talking about. Do we know each other from somewhere and I did something to you that I can’t recall? Why do you think I’m such an awful person? The only attitude I had had around you had always been me trying to be nice and friendly. You, on the other hand, only know how to point out my flaws as if I’ve not already seen them! Your attitude toward me is so mean and unnecessary!”</p><p>“Listen up you little shit, you probably think you can fool every bastard all round here but not me. Each time I tried to turn a blind eye to your shitty arrogance and try to be nice, you always managed a way to get mad at me. Bullshit! So check up your attitude before pointing mine out, It’s annoying to hear your narcissistic fucking tone talking to me like you know so much better, brat”</p><p>“What tone? What attitude? You’re the one that’s insulting me all the time and treating me like if I’m the worst kind of human being!”</p><p>“I treat you like shit? You’re always in your high horse, behaving like if everybody should kneel in front of you” And that last statement from Levi did a click in my mind, like if everything had just magically made sense.</p><p>“Do you have a problem with me being from Sheena’s wall? Because if you have a problem with my accent or where I am from let me explain to you that I sadly couldn’t choose where to be born” I replied feeling my cheeks burning from my fury.</p><p>Before Levi could actually reply to my question, to which I already knew the answer to, I raised my hands in the air as a silent way of saying that I gave up. “You know what? I am sorry, I am sorry that my attitude intentionally or not intentionally hurt you somehow. I am sorry that I didn’t manage to make the team and now you are on trial. I am sorry that I am not the partner that you wanted. I am sorry that I can relate how hard it may be with you to be paired up with someone from my origins. Considering how hard people from where you're from suffering the advantages of the inner walls. I am sorry that I can't get the hand of you and we keep bursting to each other with disagreement. I am sorry and, even if you don't believe me, tomorrow or better say later on today I will defend you in that trial, I am going to win and I am not doing it for getting something in change. No, I am doing this for myself"</p><p>The little amount of time that I knew Levi back then was enough to notice how confused he was as if he hadn’t been expecting anything close to this. My words caught him off guard and now his beautiful grey eyes were trying to find something, anything that revealed twisted hidden intentions in mine. His heavy dark circles that almost combined with his deep, bushy, long and arched dark eyelashes made me wonder if he was missing sleep or if they just were natural on him.</p><p>“What’s the trick?” Our faces were close to each other, both of us looking with a subtone of grey in our complexions probably because the sun hadn’t been up in the sky for quite a few weeks due to the season. My (E / C) orbs were fixed in his. I felt so little, so vulnerable in my undergarments and my pink blanket around my shoulders. Even when we were almost the same height, Levi seemed so towering, so powerful, like he could do anything to me if he wanted and I wouldn’t be able to even try to put up a fight. Ergo, while I tried to keep our glance contest for the sake of him believing in my pure intentions I realised three things in the middle of that early dark morning when the sunshine was still nonexisting because the winter was right around the corner.</p><p>First of all, I said I felt intimidated by Levi’s dominant attitude radiating from his body but was there an actual reason for my fear? When I was younger and I still lived on Sheena’s wall, I always heard from everybody why I shouldn’t even think about getting close to the entry of the underground city. When I was only a little girl, I would hear stories about how awful and terrifying big monsters with sharp claws would eat me alive if I got there. Once I was old enough to know that monsters don’t actually exist, the stories took another shape about what people from down there would do to ladies like me if they got a hand on one. And at that moment, when I was old enough to understand that, at the end of the day, anyone could do to me what my nana assumed men from down there would do. Anyone, even people from the inner walls. Anyone, even Levi who was stood up in the middle of a deserted corridor at early hours with the black darkness protecting him as a friend as a witness of a crime. However, something inside of me, not exactly sure what, told me that Levi wasn’t going to lay a finger on me. Each of the previous times that I’d been worried about my safety, were not really justified. The higher-ups during the previous meeting had grabbed me under the table more than Levi had ever actually insinuated anything close to the matter. How many early mornings had I been scrubbing floors with him when almost nobody was awake? How many times had we been alone at the stables doing cleaning duties? How many chances had he had to do anything but he did not? Was that what he meant with my attitude toward him? How many times had I acted scared around him? Had I been behaving like a  fancy pampered girl from the inner walls that would scare that any man from the underground city was a criminal? Well, Levi was a criminal but not that kind of criminal. . . right?</p><p>Then, we had probably been misreading each other. Perhaps Levi didn’t mean half of the insult that he said to my person but I took them personally because I wasn’t used to his manners. Maybe, he meant no harm.</p><p>Third, I recalled in that precise moment that the first day I couldn’t tell apart if his eyes were grey or blue. That night, was the first moment where under the moon as my witness that I realised how mind-blowingly gorgeous Levi’s orbs are. They’re definitely more silver during the late hours and more bluish under the sun. However, up to close I could tell that they were light grey with small little sapphire blue lines on them. Those gems were small, yes, but pretty to an extent, plus they made a perfect match with his dark locks.</p><p>“There’s no trick,” I said as a reply to his question “I am being open-hearted here, I proudly decree. I am not doing this as a way of getting profit from this situation”</p><p>My partner was in his absolutely right sense of mind to not actually believe me that there weren't second intentions. I was freezing to death there and Levi probably too because each time that his strong chest went down after a rise, his breath came out visible due to the low temperatures. Both of ours foggy breaths filled the distance between our faces in that cold hall. One time, my grandmother told me that if you want to win someone's confidence, you have to show your weaknesses first. Excellent lesson, by the way.</p><p>"A good pair of years ago, back when I was still living in the royal city. I did something awful" I began my little tale while lowering my glance and breaking eye contact "The person that suffered my mistake said that they would never forgive me. That really hurt me, deeply. I always felt like I would have to live with that regret, knowing that my mistake burned as black as night. However, later on, someone really dear to me told me that the only way that I could actually prove how sorry I was"</p><p>The flashbacks of my dear friend Chris and Grace brought tears back into my tired eyes. I tried to hold my emotions back as I had previously done but this time I couldn't. Everything was too much for me, the last months had been me trying to cover my pain with work and work bringing me more pain.</p><p>"T-then" I bit my bottom lip that was on an uncommon shade of purple instead of reddish because of the weather. I try to win back some composure " the only way to prove how sorry I am, as if life ever put me on a similar situation I should choose differently"</p><p>I looked up and battered my eyelashes a couple of time, perhaps the cold air would wash away my coming tears "I'm only allowed to wish that one day I will be conceded forgiveness if I put the other cheek if I forgive without looking to who"</p><p>I couldn't contain the tears and my voice broke, Levi was looking at me surprised and seemed that he didn't know what to do. "I am not going to not be the one that pulls the trigger, I don't need another ghost haunting me in the middle of the night, waiting for me on the bottom of my bed. So that's why I am going to defend you in that trial, after that it's up to you"</p><p>I took a deep breath but it came out in sections as my weeping got the best of me. I cleaned up my face with the white cuff of my pajama’s sleeve as the words ‘you ruined my life’ resonated in my mind. “L-look, I know that you think this is watery work and that I’m lying to you. B-but this is me trying my best to show you that I-I” I had to take a deep breath before I kept going, I felt a strong pressure in my chest while realising how my life was going from bad to worst.</p><p>“I just want to let you know that I really believe you could have a bright future here with your amazing talent so don’t let your temper get the best of you. I know that perhaps in the underground the strongest is the boss but here there is a chain of command. Even if you don’t like it, how can you expect your subordinates to follow your orders if you don’t follow yours? Just give it a thought, would you?” I finally managed to finish my ramble, my tone got calmer and less emotional as my crying began to be under control.</p><p>My expectation of the results of my show was actually low, I was wondering if Levi was going to beat me there or later. However, none of that happened. My future boyfriend spoke up but not to interrogate any of the questions I had in mind.</p><p>“Why are you crying?” The question that left my partner’s lip was simple and direct as his straightforward nature usually was, but the answer was complicated.</p><p>“It’s complicated”</p><p>I didn’t want to get into details and after the crying, I was feeling even more tired and sleepy, if that was even possible. Levi’s glance never left me during the entire time we were standing up there, that felt like years but it only took a couple of minutes, to be honest. Sometimes, people like me who avoid confrontation end up taking months of dodging a subject that could be solved in a good talk that only takes a couple of minutes.</p><p>“Are you crying because of eyebrows or because of your shitty tale?” The dark-haired guy inquired again, little did I know back then that “drop it” it’s not an expression in Levi’s language.</p><p>“I don’t know, both perhaps” I shrugged my small shoulders that were still covered with the pink wool knit blanket.</p><p>My tired mind was unable to come up with a sensible reason for why he was questioning all this, but his silence was alarming. I wondered if my speech raised any kind of sense in his mind or he’d turned a deaf ear to my rambling.</p><p>“I think it’s time for me to try to catch some rest before the trip,” I said while my (E / C) looked everywhere trying to find some answers, but there was only him and me in the middle of a freezing corridor during the middle of December. “You should try to. . .  nobody is going to believe me that you’re a nice guy with that dark circles”</p><p>I hoped that my last sentence went out as a friendly approach to our truce, or what I wished it was a truce between us. My dolly big eyes found Levi’s grey ones one last time before I decided to walk away. Just when I turned around to return my forgotten march to shared chambers, Levi began again to walk next to me. One more I hold up my ramble and focus on Levi’s pale complexion.</p><p>“What now? I thought you were done with your fucking speech” He said with his pale hands still inside his pockets, still trying to keep the warmth that was probably already lost.</p><p>“What are you doing?” The words left my mouth before I could even think twice because at that moment I was definitely and completely lost in his actions.</p><p>“I said that I was walking you and I am fucking walking you, brat”</p><p>My purplish lips opened up in an “Oh” shape but no sound was pronounced.</p><p>Therefore, we did. Hence, that was the first time that Levi walked me somewhere to make sure I arrived safely. The future Captain of the scouts had performed that action so many times that I had lost the count but that was the indeed very first. No other speech was done, no other question was raised, no other argument was exchanged, nothing else than silence was left for the rest of our cold little trip.</p><p>Only the sound of Levi's shoes on the marble floor until we stop in front of the female barracks. As he probably already knew, no men were allowed. So he stopped and I was just about to leave him behind and get in but Levi spoke up one last time that early morning.</p><p>“Oi”</p><p>“Yes?” I was fast to counter, turning around to look at him from the door that I’d been just about to open. My (H / C) hoovering and moving in the thin chilly air.</p><p>“How old are you, brat?” Levi questioned with his hands still in his pockets and his breath condensing in front of his pale face.</p><p>I frowned wondering the reason for such a particular question “Mh, seventeen. Why?” my response came up hesitant.</p><p>What happened next was a mindblowing event, such a random and weird one that my (E / C) couldn’t quite believe and my lips stayed parted for a good pair of minutes after it. Levi chuckled, more to himself it appeared than to myself.</p><p>“I am a fucking idiot” Was all that he said before leaving, turning around to the male barracks.</p><p>I remember that I made it to my bed again, that was already cold and I knew I would have to wake up in a couple of hours or minutes. Even when I knew that I had to be fresh for the upcoming morning duties, the afternoon trip and following trail, I didn't sleep a wink. I had too much in my mind to rest, Levi’s behaviour, my speech during the trial, Erwin’s disappointment, my winter punishment  . . . the last expedition and with it the name of Chris rose in my mind again. So little did I sleep and I woke up around an hour later with the rest of my roommates.</p><p>Nanaba, Nifa and Petra were quick to question what happened after I left the room. I summarize a bit about the events that led to the cutout of my winter holidays.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, (Y / N). If I wouldn’t have picked up a fight with Levi you wouldn’t be punished and-”</p><p>“It’s alright, Nana. There’s no point on crying over spilt milk, It’s no one’s fault except mine so it’s time for me to stop throwing tantrums and began to behave like an adult” My response came out almost automatic, probably because I was more trying to lecture myself about my attitude than actually replying to the sad comments of my friends. They kept asking me things out about what would happen during the winter or the trial but I had my mind somewhere else. I had to prepare myself, I had to look up to the task so I was struggling to come up with a reasonable outfit. <em>‘I need to show some kind of belonging to the survey corps, so the main colours of them in my clothes would be a good idea to show my loyalty’ </em>keeping that in mind and the temperatures of the court, I went for a navy blue cotton cable drifter crew neck sweater, then a classic white shirt and the rest of the scout’s uniform. The shirt cuffs were folded to cover the cuffs of the sweater and decorated with simple but elegant silver cufflinks. <em>‘I’m going to deliver a speech in front of Zackly and the MPs are going to be there, looking good should be a statement’</em> I thought while trying to choose what kind of earrings I should choose.</p><p>“Wow, (Y / N). You look stunning! such a shame the reason for your dress-up is so sad” Nifa, one of my three friends who is more into fashion, commented about my aspect. “I love the details of the cufflinks”</p><p>I extended my hands so she could take a better look at them “Just ask for them. If I don’t need them, feel free to wear them” I replied knowing that she would take good care of them.</p><p>“Oh, the best thing that has happened to me since I joined the scouts is sharing clothes with you” The ginger chuckled and then looked at my earrings “I like those. Are you going for a pinned-up hair as always?”</p><p>“Yes, I want to look mature and comfortable” I replied while I brushed my (H / C) hair for it to be ready for styling.</p><p>My morning routine took a few minutes longer than usual because it was a special occasion and, after all, there wasn’t much to do either. The winter break was just around the corner, without expeditions because of the weather, most of the scouts only had basic chores than actual training and they were planning their trips to their respective homes if they had somewhere to go back. Nifa and Petra were going back to their parents’ house and Nanaba was going to enjoy the break with Mike and his family.</p><p>Face cream and a cold spoon that I kept in my nightstand for mornings with puffy eyes (a normal result after the previous night weeping) to make sure my skin looked the best it could. A bit of powder to keep my natural reddish cheeks under control, I wanted to look like a woman not like a doll. Finally, I was done. I took a last look at the mirror making sure everything was in place and then to the clock. <em>‘6:20 am’</em> I read in my mind<em> ‘Perfect timing for preparing Erwin’s morning tea and delivering his breakfast to his office’</em>.</p><p>“I kinda miss your loose hair,” Nanaba said from her side of the room where she was getting ready “It looked so pretty”</p><p>“(Y / N) used to wear her hair loose? I’ve never seen that” Petra, the last of the girls to join the team and the scouts, commented back unaware of my previous styles.</p><p>“Yes! she used to all the time. But she stopped like a year ago” the tall blond girl of the team explained before adding “Don’t get me wrong, I like your pinned-up hair or tied but your hair loose makes you look so cute”</p><p>I smiled back to her as a silent way of appreciation for her compliments.</p><p>“I think she began to use it like this since . . .” Nifa was trying to recall while she spoke with the toothbrush inside her mouth “Oh yes when she joined Erwin’s squad. I like it, it suits you, it makes you look all grown up”</p><p>One more time I smiled back to the compliments and walked away while placing the scout’s jacket with the wings of freedom on it around my shoulders. I had too much to do and so little time to spare. My way to the exit of the female barracks was done at a fast pace because I already lost too much time that morning. Since my special training began, some of my older usual responsibilities had been handled to someone else due to the amount of time they required. One of them was picking up Erwin’s breakfast from the kitchen, preparing his morning tea, picking up the mail and some other superior’s paperwork that Erwin had to check up. My role was more of an assistance than a soldier sometimes, Moblit could relate to that. Now that the training was suspended because of the beginning of the winter break, I decided to retake my previous activities. Of course, I still prepared Erwin’s tea from time to time when he asked for it and paperwork as I had previously mentioned in this story.</p><p>Right when I left the female chambers, Levi’s words from a few hours ago came back to my mind like some kind of prophecy.</p><p>
  <em>“How old are you, brat?”</em>
</p><p>My march during my early raise stopped while my fresher mind began to wander again why had my short partner questioned that. Then, another sentence from him was done even before that night.</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t receive a fucking salary, yet”</em>
</p><p>Because once again you don’t receive a proper salary in the scouts until an entire year of service. Which meant that Levi hadn’t been serving to the scouts for a full year.</p><p>
  <em>“Yes! she used to all the time. But she stopped like a year ago”</em>
</p><p>Nana’s reply that I’d heard as a background conversation because I wasn’t actually paying attention to the conversation because of how crowded my mind was with its own thoughts.</p><p><em>‘A year ago, life was so easy a year ago’ </em>I thought while my feet began to move again, doing the way on their own as if my body already knew the way better than my tired brain. <em>‘A year ago the expedition with the heavy rain wasn’t a recurrent nightmare. A year ago, Levi didn’t even exist in my mind. A year ago, Erwin hadn’t confessed to me yet but I joined his squad. A year ago, all my troubles seemed so far away’</em></p><p>My legs on their own made it to the kitchen where I would pick up the tray of the superior’s breakfast for Erwin and while I wait for it to be given to me, the last thought in my mind was <em>‘Last night, was the first time in months that I thought in Christian again’</em></p><p>“(Y / N), morning!” Moblit’s voice woke me up from the state of deep loss that my mind was on. “I heard about the horse issue, Hange said that she’s been trying to talk with the commander because you were with her indeed but no amount of explanation seemed to be helping”</p><p>“Good morning, Moblit” I greet him back while taking the tray that one of the cadets in charge of the breakfast that morning delivered to me. I thanked the guy and then I turned my attention back to Moblit “It’s alright, we all know how Shadis is. Nothing will make him change his mind”</p><p>The tall light brunette nodded to me, agreeing to my last statement. He talked to the same guy who had brought the tray I had been waiting for only a couple of seconds ago and Hange’s assistant asked for his superiors breakfast too.</p><p>“Are you busy?” Moblit asked, turning slightly to face me.</p><p>“Not really”</p><p>“Great, mind to wait for my tray so we talk a bit while we prepare the rest of the morning routine together?” His sweet chocolate eyes made contact with mine. “Unless Erwin is really in a hurry today”</p><p>"No no, I have a few minutes to spare" I replied, both of us used to share our morning chores back before my training changed. It seemed ages ago since the last time we did it and at that moment I wondered what he probably would want to talk to me about. My guard was up because the last time that Moblit decided to pick up a conversation with me, we all know how it ended.</p><p>“I hope that my question isn’t too straight forward but” the man of the conversation began his rambling and I already knew where this was going. Both of us with our bodies resting on a table while we waited for what probably was Hange’s breakfast. “Are you ignoring the Squad leader?”</p><p>“I’m not ignoring her, I am just busy”</p><p>"Oh, alright" Moblit answered, noticing how my voice tone wasn't a friendly one, probably already knowing that yesterday, the previous night and today's upcoming events were not contributing to my good mood. "Did you write to Chris's family to let them know that you wouldn't be able to spend the winter with them? It's such a shame that you wouldn't be able to go"</p><p>"I wrote them like a month ago, so no need to worry" I had to found any kind of self-control inside me to give that response.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t know”</p><p>Hange's assistant reply came out almost breathless, like if he deep down knew what it meant for me, what it meant that I had had my decision made even before the last night events that provoked my lack of vacations. "If I would have known, I would have made an extra invitation for you. Hange and I are going to use the break for a little trip to the industrial city, we want to see what kind of new ideas we could come up with for capturing a titan" He added.</p><p>Moblit’s brown eyes shined with a special kind of spark that only the glance of someone who is talking about their passion could. I did my best to smile tendered to him. “It’s alright, I wouldn’t have much to do there anyways”</p><p>The light brunette or dark blond smiled without much to say. “It's still raining since yesterday, what awful weather?” He commented, perhaps trying to keep up with the conversation.</p><p>"Yeah, it's raining cats and dogs out there," I said with a monotone voice, reminding again that the pouring was the main reason why I had had such an awful night.</p><p>“You look stunning today, I like your court outfit” Moblit shared a compliment to which I thanked and smiled back to.</p><p>I recall that there was a huge uncomfortable silence, probably because Moblit felt my lake of response or enthusiasm to keep up a conversation and mostly based on the fact that my life was a mistake after another. We continued our morning routine and I prepared the teapot for both of the superiors, my companion added that "Hange would be happy to know that you  made the tea because nobody blends a tea as you do"</p><p>His comment made me genuinely smile a bit, a ray of sunshine on my gloomy morning. There was one thing that I wanted to do, just one. I wanted to go to that office, Erwin's office, deliver him everything he needed for that morning, plus his breakfast and a perfectly blended teapot so he can drink as many as he wanted during a long and exhausting morning doing paperwork. Reassure him that I had the trial under control, that I was going to give my best to work things out with Levi and finally, perhaps, getting him to talk to me. Iron thing out. Erwin had been so distant with me the last couple of weeks that I needed to know that everything was alright, that I was still on a good spot with him. My mind understood that he was extremely busy with his upcoming promotion, that my performance hadn't been the best or what he expected from me but my heart needed reassurance, at least a spark of affection to know that he was still there.<em> 'I'm what you wanted, right? If that's true then why is this so painful. You're the one, to begin with, this but your intentions were the firsts to begin to look blurry as a landscape during a chilling winter morning while the fog is rising. My position is well understood, you're my superior and I don't want special treatment in front of others. But when it's only you and me, where's the man that wanted to protect me? Because I need someone to rely on and the only assurance I'd last night was how chilling the corridor was'</em></p><p>Empty halls seemed to be the new runes that professed misfortunes for me back then. Lonely were the corridors the first morning that I tried to share breakfast with Levi, deserted they were that dinner time that I'd ran with my hopes to met the short men after the lecture, abandoned seemed the facilities of the scouts last night before my disgrace seemed to only grow bigger and bigger like a snowball going down a hill. Ergo, it's not hard to predict that things weren't going to turn out good for me that morning either. That morning that I felt a painful pressure in my chest, not exactly be able to tell apart if it was from the cold morning where the building hadn't been warmed up by the people who lived inside or if it was from the ache of my soul that knew that the tears that I'd left run around my cheeks last night were not enough. No, I still had too many tears left to cry. If it's a certain truth in this twisted world, it would be that the more we try to hide our feelings under a rug and bottle them up, the more they would pour out. However, I and my blind optimism were not ready to let it go, not yet. I still wanted to believe that everything was going to be alright, that something inside of me could still make him stay.</p><p>So there I was, knocking his wooden door at the end of the superior chambers corridor. The tray with a warm rich breakfast and a toasty black tea porcelain pot with matching cups. His addressed letters on my right hand that's holding the tray too, my accustomed arms managed the task like a pro. But my hands were actually carrying the little hopes I still had.</p><p>No reply was heard through the door. The usual "name and business" never arrived at my ears. I managed to knock one more time, which was a quite hard task with my hands supporting such dedicated delivery. I stay there a couple of minutes waiting, hoping, wishing, thinking, regretting. The time wasted there wouldn't be able to be measured but I felt that it was completely worth it when Erwin's mainly voice resonated in the empty place, "(Y / N)? What are you doing?"</p><p>Those blue eyes were anything I needed to feel that everything was going to be alright. “Good morning, sir,” I greeted him almost as if I wanted to pretend that last night's events never took place from the beginning. “I brought your breakfast. Last week you requested that when the morning training was over this week, you wanted me to go back to my usual tasks”</p><p><em>‘He forgot’ </em>That was what I read in his face, those beautiful sky blue gems looked different when the owner of them realised that.</p><p>“Deeply sorry, (Y / N). It totally passed my mind” Erwin replied while opening his office door and let me in first.</p><p>"No need to apologize," I said back, happy to finally let my arm take a break from the heavy load. I went straight to his desk to place the tray but the tall blond man who went straight to his desk too fixed his glance on my (E / C) eyes.</p><p>“I already had breakfast, I’m in the middle of a meeting with the commander and he needed a few blueprints from my formation” He explained before I could release my burden “Thank you for the hard work, you can clean it if you want”</p><p>My pale lips slightly opened to say words that were never pronounced. The hard work was the last of my worries, having a nice meal wasn’t making me happy, I needed a word with him. Erwin was quick to find what he needed in his organized desk and went back to the door, he opened and made a sign with his hand that he was waiting as a gentleman for me to walk out first.</p><p>So I did. However, when the tall blond man closed the door behind him and was ready to walk away, I managed to say something. “Wait, I need to have a word with you if it’s possible sir”</p><p>The future commander inline stopped in his tracks and turned around. "Of course, later perhaps? I'm in a hurry"</p><p>“Yes, but-”</p><p>“Perfect, finish my breakfast. You’ll need the energy for the trial”</p><p>“Thank you, sir. But-”</p><p>
  <em>'Please, don't go. I need to talk to you because everybody is saying that I'm losing my mind here but if you talk to me. . . if you talk to me, you'll fool me again"</em>
</p><p>That stubborn little (H / C) locks that couldn't follow the rest of the patron of my pinned-up hair fell into my face, creating a perfect messy look. Erwin smiled at me and closed the few steps distance that was between us, my heart ached thinking that we could have the talk that I was missing. His large slender fingers found the lock that I usually tucked behind my ear and placed back where it belonged.</p><p>“We can talk after the court” His smooth deep voice forced me to raise my glance and meet his baby blue orbs with my (E / C) ones. “I can still rely on you for that, right?”</p><p>His intense gaze fixed on my, his magnetic field being too much in that empty place. Only his big towering shape and my good girl faith. His hand hadn’t left my right cheek yet and slowly drew back and forth with his thumb on my face. My eyelashes met each other while I closed my eyes, resting my face on his caring touch as I starved for affection.</p><p>When I managed to open my eyes again I replied “Sure” with the best reassuring smile that I had still on me.</p><p>Erwin’s lips found my forehead while whispering just us to know <em>“That’s my good girl”</em>, before walking away.</p><p>My smile slowly disappeared as his frame on the corridor did. Heavy tray on my hands and a lost look on my face. A heavy rain rushing outside and a storm in my head. I looked down to the tea that I put so much effort into running cold, at the same time the hair lock that my superior replaced falling into my face again. On other occasions, I would have jumped on the meal as a starving beast but not there, not at that moment. I didn't feel like eating.</p><p>I turned around to leave that place, the common facilities were getting crowded as everybody raised. Happy faces everywhere as most of them were able to return to their families during the break or full of expectations about what use they would give to their free time that the season provided. My body on its own made the way to the mess hall, where my friends were probably laughing and enjoying their tasteless meals that, somehow, jokes between comrades made them delightful.</p><p>I considered going inside but then I remembered that I would have to put my best smile, fake that everything was under control, that I enjoyed listening to what people that I barely knew were going to do with their vacations. <em>‘I’m a selfish person, unable to relish my friends’ happiness’</em> I thought but I couldn't find any drop of strength in me, too fake, not anymore.</p><p>I walked away, to the deepest and forgotten place of the facilities of the scouts, that turned out to be a staircase. I sat down there with the tray resting on my lap and my loss (E / C) looking into the emptiness of the wall in front of the bottom of the steps. I just needed to rest until the time to leave for the court was near.</p><p>So I recalled my wish before the previous night events <em>‘I wish the world would stop for a couple of hours’</em>.</p><p>Most of the rooms of that building's zone were warehouses full of damaged old forgotten 3DMG’s equipment. Then, you can imagine that I wasn’t expecting anyone to be around. Yet, when Levi’s shape on a full cleaning outfit came out of a room, I couldn’t quite understand why life hated me so much. Nevertheless, now I wouldn’t be happier that destiny put him there back then.</p><p>Levi’s hair and mouth covered with white clothes hid his expression but it was pretty clear that he was, somehow, happy?</p><p>I closed my (E / C) eyes and clenched my teeth thinking <em>‘It cannot be. Dear lord what else do you want from me?’</em> and then<em> ‘Perhaps, if I stay quiet and I don’t even breath, he wouldn’t notice me. Like a titan’</em></p><p>“Oi, what the fuck are you doing here?”</p><p>
  <em>‘Great, another successful mission for the survey corps’</em>
</p><p>“I could ask you the same question” I replied acknowledging that my strategy failed.</p><p>“I asked you first,” Levi placed down his mask and walked forward towards me.</p><p>“I asked you second” My sassy nature was coming to light.</p><p>“Don’t play smart-ass with me, brat” The future captain warned me about my attitude once he was already in front of me “You sure dolled up today. Shouldn’t you be showing your ass off in the mess hall around this time?”</p><p>“So this is where you are while I look for you all over the place” I commented, reminding us of our first morning of training together.</p><p>“Don’t change the subject, brat” Levi's voice was clear, he definitely didn’t have the temper to let me play around. “I’m just going to repeat myself one more time, so clean up your filthy ears. What the fuck are you doing here?”</p><p>His deep voice did a stop in each word of the last question, definitely not leaving me there on my own without an answer.</p><p>I took a deep breath and a following loudly sigh “I am. . . I’m avoiding the world” Which was an honest response.</p><p>"Are you crying?" the dark-haired man asked again, as a repeat of the last night conversation.</p><p>"Why do you always ask that?" I practically shout in his face, as if his wonder made my tears found a way to crack into the surface of my (E / C) eyes.</p><p>“Because you always look like you’re about to piss yourself, brat” Levi was quick to reply.</p><p>I didn't even reply, my heavy crystal eyes did their way up finding grey ones fixed on me. Fastly, my glance moved to my left side while I didn't trust my voice to not crack while replying to him.</p><p>“Do you want me to go and fetch shitty glasses?” Levi’s monotone voice sounded slightly less aggressive and calmer with his brief question.</p><p>I bit my bottom lip, closed my eyes and shook my head. My face completely turned to my left side while I gave the silent treatment.</p><p>"I leave you the fuck alone," He said getting the white hair protector off of his dark locks. But, before he could walk away leaving me with my misery, I shook my head again as if his last statement had been a question instead of an affirmation. I don't know what got into me at that moment.<em> ‘I came here to be alone and now I’m asking him to stay, what’s wrong with me?’</em></p><p>I heard a loud sigh coming from the other person there and then his characteristic "tch". From the corner of my orbs, I saw him taking a side next to me on my improvised seat on the staircase, sat down on my right side. My expectations on Levi were almost nonexistent so I was surprised as a matter of fact that the black-haired guy decided to stay and take a spot next to me. </p><p>I felt the tray on my legs getting lighter as Levi took the pot and turned up two cups. He served the cups, thankfully the tea was still hot which was a fantastic new considering how the weather was. Neither of the two pronounced a word, my teacup was served but I didn't pick it up. That perfectly blended tea, with the correct temperature for it to be tasteful but not bitter. '<em>Because Erwin doesn’t enjoy the taste of a strong black tea on the mornings, he prefers it slightly softer on favour and less bitter’</em> I thought while my (E / C) orbs fixed on my cup as my stubborn (H / C) kept falling into my complexion no matter how much I tugged. I felt that brew wasn't meant to be for me, but the owner of my thoughts during the process of preparation didn't need it.</p><p>The atypical peace during those hours was filled with the sound of the man next to me sipping and then gulping down.</p><p>“Not bad” was all that Levi said after quickly finishing his cup “Is eyebrows going to mind it?”</p><p>“What?” The simple word left my lips as I saw his hand hesitating about pouring another.</p><p>"The tea is eyebrows going to give a shit if I drink it"</p><p>“How you know that’s Erwin’s tea?” I questioned while finally finding some courage to look up and meet his face.</p><p>"Because you brew it, moron," He said as if it was the most obvious fact, almost like if I was asking which colour of the sky. I raised an eyebrow wondering why it seemed so plain and clear.</p><p>“Tch, you always do Erwin’s tea” Levi explained as I wondered why he knew that. “And it doesn’t taste like shit. You’re the only idiot around here that knows how to brew a proper cup of tea” He finally added.</p><p><em>‘He’s trying to be nice, right?’ </em>I wondered about the night waiting for the carriage that I wondered the same.</p><p>“Thank you” the words went out as a whisper. My hand grabbed the pot again and poured another for him, filling the cup as a silent reply to his previous question.</p><p>Another hush moment filled my tearful morning.</p><p>“Why are you avoiding your friends? you’re always surrounded by that annoying shitty brats'' He questioned into sip and sip.</p><p>“Because my best friend is too busy getting laid with her brand new boyfriend to notice how sad I’m, my other two friends are too happy about seeing their families again that I don’t want to spoil their fun with my mood, and the rest of the people in the mess hall are expecting me to always be fine” I murmured while having my glance fixed on the wall as I originally was.</p><p>A simple groan was the reply I received. “Why are you here, avoiding everybody?” I questioned back.</p><p>"Because nobody knows how to broom a floor properly and how to shut the fuck up on the mornings" Levi explained as it was such an evident reality and I watched his pale face from the corner of my (E / C) eyes. "Why the fuck does Erwin spare his breakfast?"</p><p>“He’d a meeting,” I shortly said.</p><p>“Couldn’t he tell you before you did the fucking job?” he questioned and I shrugged.</p><p>Even after all these years, I’m not able to explain why I did what I did, why I spoke up, sometimes there is no rational explanation for our actions. There’s a well-known quote that says “The heart has its reasons which reason knows not.” In that instant, sitting down there in the middle of a purposefully forgotten zone of the building, my heart had a feeling, a wish that, in my opinion, created a domino effect to my relationship with Levi.</p><p>“Can you keep a secret, if I confess you one?” I wondered about my partner there. Levi, who was drinking his tea, lowered the cup and looked into me.</p><p>"Am I going to get involve in some shitty drama?" The dark-haired man answered my question with another. His response made me wonder why that was his first thought.</p><p>
  <em> ‘Have you gotten involved in a drama? That’s interesting’</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>"No, it's a personal secret" I clarified to erase his worries.</p><p>“Whatever then”</p><p>“Around two years ago, when I just became part of the scouts. Erwin asked me to his morning tea, I wasn’t a former member of his squad but it was an important deal to me” I began my little tale trying to set a time where it took place “As you probably already know, superiors enjoy a good couple of advantages that the rest of us don’t, like a good quality tea, better meals, private chambers, etc”</p><p>I continued suddenly feeling a rush of happiness, which I took the advantage of picking up some of the soft well-made toasts and a knife that I had had perfectly and spotless placed on the breakfast's tray that was not meant for me but suddenly was mine.</p><p>“Butter or jelly?” My out of place question interrupted my story.</p><p>My (E / C) orbs found confused silver ones of Levi. "How do you like your toast?" I shredded light on my previous question.</p><p>"Butter" his monotone voice had a slightly little shade of doubt in it, probably don't understand my change of attitude.</p><p>"As I was saying, I was in charge of Erwin's tea. But my best friend, Christian or Chris as we used to call him, insisted that he wanted me to spare a cup for him" I continued while spreading butter the toasts. I handed half of them to Levi who took them suspiciously and the other half I added jelly too.</p><p>I took a good bite and felt the salty flavour of the butter and the jelly mixing as a perfect match "Mhh" I left a satisfactory moan while gloating over the taste "God, I don't remember the last time that I sat down to have a meal"</p><p><em>‘I said that I wasn’t feeling like eating? I’m starving’ </em>I thought to myself while dividing the rest of the meal and handling Levi his part. Talking about Levi, the dark-haired man with pale skin was awfully quiet which made me turn to my right to see what was the deal.</p><p>"What are you watching?" I asked realising his grey eyes were fixed on me and cleaning the corner of my mouth.</p><p>“Nothing” Once again, his monotone voice covered with a cloak of suspicion.</p><p>"I used to get mad at him for wanting a spared cup, because I was scared that Erwin would notice that I was serving one cup of his morning tea to someone else" I carry on with my story "Which was, of course, ridiculous because who counts how many cups you can have from a pot"</p><p>“I do”</p><p>I was about to go for another bite to my toast but I looked at him and then rolled my eyes ``That's because you are a weirdo" The words left my lips before I could realise what I had just said.</p><p>“If you keep with that attitude, I’m going to kick your ass for real” Levi replied before continuing with his extra meal that eccentric morning on a staircase.</p><p>"Anyways! It became a routine. I would wake up, prepare everything and spare a teacup for Chris who was usually waiting for me on my way to Erwin's office" I finished my tale and as the rush of joy began to slow down again.</p><p>I took the porcelain cup that Levi had previously poured for me. My (E / C) eyes admired the distorted reflection of my face on it, I noticed my rebel lock and I tucked it behind my ear again.</p><p>"You know, there's something that I was never able to understand. Chris hated waking up in the mornings, if you think I'm a lazy ass during early hours it's because you didn't have the pleasure of meeting him" My narrative kept going but with less enthusiasm on it, almost like I remembered why It was a secret, why I was sat down there, Why I didn't feel hungry. "But he would do an effort to be there, each morning. Hot summer mornings when the sheets sticking to your body, windy rainy autumn ones or chilling winter like last night. He would be barely awake, with the saliva still dripping from the corner of his lips and his blond locks looking as if he fought with his brush"</p><p>A nostalgic smile appeared on my face thinking in his ridiculous face, like that time that he was still in his pyjamas and after I'd given him the cup he would go back to his bed. Levi, who is a weirdo but not an idiot, noticed my change of attitude. How my emotions that were on a rollercoaster that day, found the bottom again while giving it a thought.</p><p>“I try to tell myself that I’m paying it more attention than it deserves, that I’m blowing things out of proportion, that I tend to make everything about me or perhaps, that I’m not seeing the full picture” I rambled through all the excuses that my mind created “I want to believe that he’s too busy to notice, that I’m not mature enough and that’s why I can’t understand, and in all my ignorance I’m unable to grasp his actions”</p><p>I took a deep breath while my fingers followed the weave of flowers that the cup between my hands had. "I put all my efforts into this stupid tea and he forgot, which means nothing but it's not the first time and I'm scared it won't be the last one. I know he's busy, that his promotion means a lot to him and I want to support him in each little aspect. His occupation was the main reason he broke up with Marie and I want to be understanding because he said that I acknowledge how difficult this kind of life is."</p><p>I placed the cup down feeling my speech arriving at an end "But even in this kind of life, Chris found time to think about me each morning. Comparing Erwin to Chris is almost pointless. Perhaps it's because Chris isn't around anymore and that's why the contrast hurts deeper."</p><p>That was it, I didn’t have anything else to add but putting my thoughts into words made my mind feel lighter. Finally, my body and feelings managed to arrive at a truce which led me to find the will to drink the tea. However, it tasted dull probably because of the knot in my throat.</p><p>"The tea is good'' Levi, who had been awfully quiet until that moment, finally spoke up. His sweet words fluttered inside my tired soul like a teaspoon of honey rolls inside your mouth after having to take a medicine whose taste is extremely bitter.</p><p>"A spare cup black-tea that is not that bad would make my mornings less shitty if that would make you stop with the weeping," He said without making eye contact with me but his voice sounded different, almost as if he wanted to say something else but that was all that he managed.</p><p>I smiled at him as if my understanding of his nature ultimately concluded. All the misunderstandings faded into nothing as his grey orbs watched me from the corner of his eyes. I would have bet my best pair of silver earrings that I swear I saw a wide smile on his face but it was too quick and perhaps the old tears that were getting dry clouded my sight.</p><p>One more time, the sound of the drizzling filled the silence on that empty place where it seemed like there was only he and me. No superiors in their meetings, not horses in their stables, not loud cadets on the mess hall, no one else. Just Levi and I sat down in a staircase with an empty tray and a teapot that ran cold.</p><p>"I know that eyebrows said that you could take care of those bastards of MP during the trial" Levi broke the hush one more time but bringing a different topic. "But are you sure you can handle those idiots? The last thing I need is getting fucking hang"</p><p>I chuckled before replying "Don't worry, messing up arrogant MPs is like my guilty pleasure. Nothing will raise my mood more than making a fool of them in front of the entire military"</p><p>“huh?”</p><p>“Yes! Do you know how many military courts and trials I had won for Erwin? too many to count. Don’t worry, I have everything under control” I reassure him that my experience on the matter was good enough to be confident “Actually, relax and enjoy. Nothing better than seeing those old filthy bastards struggling to even understand what I’m saying”</p><p>This time, an actual and easy to spot smirk appeared on Levi’s pale complexion “Fuck, I didn’t have you for a teaser. Do you get off with that or what?”</p><p>It seemed like our first actual conversation in months, “Well, what can I say? It’s entertaining to see their confused faces while they're trying to figure out if I’m fancy or making fun of them. Not my fault though that they aren’t smart enough to point out my sassiness”</p><p>"A fucking relief, I thought you were going to began to cry your ass off in the middle of it"</p><p>"All this is supposed to be a secret! You can't tell anyone that you saw or heard!". The fear of someone knowing about my stumble was enough to turn me pale.</p><p>"What am I supposed to keep as a shitty secret? that I saw you half-naked last night in a room with two other men or that you cried your eyes off for Erwin twice?" Levi's voice was still monotone but it was slightly sassy and the annoying smirk on his face was getting me mad.</p><p>"If you dare say any of that to anyone, I am going to say that I saw you half-naked with two other men in the middle of the night. AND! And, everybody here adores me so who do you think they are going to believe? a good girl with a pristine reputation as mine or you a criminal with a dubious past?" I explained my counterattack to possible blackmail from his part with a big smile on my face.</p><p>"No if I kill you first"</p><p>“If you kill me, nobody is going to defend you today at court and you are going to get hanged ”</p><p>Our eyes fixed into each other, as a silent competition of who will blink first and I could hardly keep a straight face.</p><p>“Damn it, You weren’t fucking kidding when showed off about winning cases” Levi faked a pissed voice and I laughed back at him.</p><p>“Of course not. Actually, I’ve everything so figured out that I know that Zackly is going to arrive half an hour late and making all of us wait like idiots”</p><p>“Half an hour late? what the fuck is he doing? trying to take a shit but the shit won’t come out?”</p><p>That was it, I didn't know if it was Levi's stoic face with deadness grey eyes fixed on mine as he said that, what he said or a combination of both but I burst out laughing. Tears forming on the corner of my eyes but this time for a completely different reason and my stomach hurting from my failed attempts of catching my breath.</p><p>“Stop, it’s not that funny” the man next to me added, confused.</p><p>“Are you kidding? that was hilarious! You caught me off guard” I chuckled between each sentence “Damn it, how I’m supposed to look into his face without thinking about that?”</p><p>“You can always offer him to make him a herb tea so he can finally take a shit” Levi’s monotone voice was still getting me as his words didn’t match his face.</p><p>My laugh lasted a good couple of minutes as it was reborn each time I recalled Levi's face as he said that. When I finally managed to get a hand of my feelings, I tried to raise from my spot and I almost dropped the tea set.</p><p>"Fucking shit, look what you're doing moron" The dark-haired man warned while raising easily and smoothly from his place and taking care of silver tray with his pale and slender hands.</p><p>“Sorry, my legs get numb”</p><p>His characteristic "Tch" arrived at my ears as he effortlessly carried the tray with one hand and offered the other for me to take it. I couldn't help myself and I blushed vaguely at his sudden gentle gesture. My hand placed on top of his as a peaceful gesture of accepting his offer. Despite his petite figure, Levi raised me as I weigh nothing but smoothly too, no rush or raw nature on his tender help.</p><p>"Thank you" I replied, smiling at him.</p><p>"Whatever, brat," He said as we began to walk away from that place, knowing pretty well that it was probably time for us to get ready for the trip.  "Learn to look after your sorry ass on your own, I can't be babysitting you all the time"</p><p>“Are you talking about last night's walk? I still don’t understand why you did it” My words were honest because I couldn’t find reasons behind walking me around.</p><p>“If you hear how much that shitty brats moan your name on the common showers while they jerk off, you would be thanking me that I walked you” Once again his complexion was stoic and it didn’t match his words.</p><p>“They do what?!” I screamed, feeling embarrassed at someone would think in me during those times or even worst, that Levi had heard of it.</p><p>"They jerk off, don't tell me that your well-raised ass doesn't know what that is" Levi repeated and I covered my face with my cold hands, feeling second-hand embarrassment.</p><p><em>‘That’s going to be an image hard to erase’</em> I thought as we kept walking down the halls. As we arrived at more frequented halls, I began to notice how everybody turned around to look at us. Whispers as we passed by, curious eyes wondering what was going on. Two weeks ago more on less we were fighting in the middle of the mess hall and at that moment we were walking next to each other, arms almost touching as we moved. We finally made it to the kitchen where we left the tray for the cadets in charge of doing the dishes to clean it. We stood a good couple of minutes there because Levi was giving strict and clear instructions on how the porcelain should be cleaned.</p><p>"Is still raining" I vaguely commented to no one in particular as I made time watching out of the window. Tarnished glass appeared each time my warm breath left my reddish lips and hit the chilling window.</p><p>"I didn't know it could rain so fucking much" Levi, who seemed to end his torture to the poor cadets, joined me on my window glance.</p><p>“Mh, I guess that you’re not used to” I kept the conversation going while realising that it was Levi’s first rain season for him probably.</p><p>The cold temperatures that surrounded us during those late hours last night didn't seem to disappear as the sun was nowhere to be found. I considered a revaluation of my outfit keeping in mind that the travel by carriage was going to be a freezing well-known adventure. As if the future leader of the special operation squad could read my mind, he spoke up.</p><p>“Don’t forget your stupid coat again. This time, I’m not going to freeze my ass”</p><p><em>‘My coat! Uf, I almost forgot’</em> was my first thought. But then, Levi's words began to fall into pieces like a puzzle that my mind was slowly realising.</p><p><em>‘This time, I’m not going to freeze my ass’</em> Those words were on repeat inside my head. as if my subconscious knew that there was a hidden message.</p><p><em>‘This time, I am’</em> one more time, until my (E / C) opened up in shock. Like a smell or an old object can make your mind travel back in time, Levi's words made an instant flashback to our previous trip, to that late freezing night, to that carriage and then, finally, to that coat. A coat that wasn't mine, a coat whose fragrance was complicated to turn apart but was buried in the back of my mind as some dirty fantasies that you cannot confess.</p><p><em>‘It was like a mix of mint, clothes soap, tea and something else that made it smell so unique’ </em>I recalled.</p><p>“What’s your damn problem? You look like you need to take a shit” The man concerned wondered why my lips fell apart and I got lost in the track of my mind.</p><p>"No way" It's all I managed to say "There's no way that it was you"</p><p>“Huh? Did you lose your shit or what?” Levi's confused tone resonated behind me. Poor him, probably disoriented with another of my changes of attitude.</p><p>I quickly turned around. If my (H / C) hair would have been loose, it would have probably flowed in the cold air as I moved to face him. We crashed into each other for my sudden move.</p><p>"What the fuck is wrong with you?" knowing my boyfriend, he was completely losing his shit in that moment, getting utterly pissed.</p><p>However, when we hit I felt it again. That smell, that intoxicating fragrance, almost aphrodisiac due to the subtle tint but wholly perceptible of the manly touch on it, as a piece of lingerie under an expensive dress. It's there, saying your name without actual words but demanding your presence once the party is over.</p><p>“The coat was yours” I almost screamed in his face when I eventually remembered how to pronounce actual words.</p><p>“Huh?” One of Levi’s thin dark eyebrows raised up.</p><p>“The coat during the trip, that I used as a blanket. IT was yours” I accused as if I was calling him out for a crime that he was fervently trying to deny, even when Levi hadn’t actually pronounced a word.</p><p>“Yes, whose else it was going to be?”</p><p><em>‘Oh no, oh no. This is bad, this is really bad’</em> I felt my cheeks burning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! how are you? I hope all of you are staying safe and taking care during these crazy times that we're living. I wouldn't be able to count how many times I erased and re-write this chapter, changing things here and there. God, it took forever!<br/>I would like to point out two tiny little details:<br/>1. I think I have said this a million times BUT better safe than sorry. English is NOT my native language, I correct and search and re-read chapters a lot before posting them but there's a limit to my knowledge. I'm deeply sorry if the dialogues sometimes feel unnatural, if some words are weird or if this looks like it has been written by a kindergarten girl. I'm doing my best T-T<br/>2. On my Tumblr I had received a few asks and messages talking about the role of Erwin in this story. I think, one of the graces of this little tale that I have, that the story is told from the reader's (you) point of view. As the story advance, I think you, as a reader, would be able to make a decision about what do you think Erwin's attitude but, at the same time, during the storytime the reader is telling how SHE felt during this process, not actually giving a full perspective. The same happens with Levi, who is going to have a few chapters from his point of view, but most of the time we don't really know what he is thinking or WHAT other people had told him. Because, at the end of the day, the reader didn't know back then either. <br/>Anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I won't say "as much as I did writing it" because this one, in particular, was a pain in the ass haha. But, let me know in the comments down below your opinion! I adore reading them and they give me life. Or, feel free to talk to me on Tumblr (I'm pretty active there) --&gt; lucysarah-c</p>
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